Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?

[Anonymous]

If you're generally relaxed about life, have a good marriage, and are adaptable it's awesome. If you're a detail-oriented nitpicky pyscho I think it ends up being more trouble than its worth. For my wife and I it's been great, wouldn't change a thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to have really great women friends but I feel like this has been a casualty of having children.

"Mom friends" are often weirdly competitive about their kids or oddly defensive and/or aggressive about their child-rearing choices. My kids have some issues as well so I ended up feeling excluded and judged a lot. We didn't get invited to things.

Furthermore, people who my husband and I loved as young marrieds turned out to have such different parenting philosophies that it destroyed our relationships (i.e. "It's good for kids to experiment with drugs -- in high school. Better that they experiment now with sex under our roof", etc. Stuff that made us uncomfortable and worried for our kids.)

And then there's the finances. Having kids is really expensive and we didn't have much left over for socializing with other couples, etc.

Parenting turned out to be surprisingly lonely for us and not at all the way it's depicted on TV, etc. Now that I'm facing an empty nest I'm wondering what I'm going to do since parenting appears to have cost me most of my friendships.

I have 3 under 7 right now--in the thick of it--and I'm feeling the pain of lost friendships. After my family, my marriage, and the tiny time I have for myself, I have nothing for other people. BUT I feel lonely too. It's like this in terms of time, energy, AND yes our budget. Again, after spending on the kids, saving for the future, date nights & babysitting, it's so hard to spend to go out with friends. Lots of solutions here I know, but I tell you I'd really just like some alone time with my spouse.

Overall I just find that ok drowning. And when I get to 'relax on the shore' for a little while, it's so infrequent, unexpected, and relieving, I can't think about other people. Wish I could! Wish the non-drowning times were more predictable and frequent. But they're not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is the hardest thing I've ever done.

It's the best thing I've ever done.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my days are exhausting and i can't wait for kids to go to bed. then, when they do, i watch their videos and photos on the computer.[/quote

Lol- me too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is the hardest thing I've ever done.

It's the best thing I've ever done.

+1

Yeah, this is it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have one child who is extremely easy to handle (happy go lucky and compliant) and one who is extremely difficult (moody and defiant). It's such a world of difference between them and sometimes I imagine what it would be like if both were easy. Then I would probably answer your question by saying it's absolutely fabulous. But I can't -- my parenting experience is sometimes very, very hard.

But - it has made me grow as a person, especially the difficult times. I find strength sometimes where I didn't know I had it. I feel like I understand humanity so much more deeply since I became a parent. I am so much more empathetic to others' struggles -- and attuned to others' joys-- because of my experiences as a parent.

And then there is the love, the deep, unconditional love that is like no other.

It is amazing to watch babies turn into toddlers and then into young children and then onto teenagers. It's scary to try to do it right, but it is so rewarding when you feel like you have. And the insight into human psychology that parenting can bring is itself rewarding.

They completely change your life. Whether or not that sucks, well that depends on you.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Short answer, yes.

Long answer, yes, but (inexplicably perhaps) I cannot imagine life without my kids.

It's a total mindf*ck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:my days are exhausting and i can't wait for kids to go to bed. then, when they do, i watch their videos and photos on the computer.[/quote

Lol- me too

+2

[Anonymous]

You will wonder what you did with all your time before kids. You will wonder how you possibly cared so much about anything pre-kids.

[Anonymous]

It's been wonderful so far, 12 years in, even with a child with special needs. The worries and sleepless nights can't compare to the profound feeling of contentment, happiness and joy.

I honestly never felt a moment when "it sucked". Even when DC1 kept puking every night on carpet.

[Anonymous]

I have a 19 month old now and yes, it's hard work but it's great. I just wish time will slow down. She's growing up too quickly.

[Anonymous]

My kids are 4.5 and almost two. I'd say most of the time it's at least mildly unpleasant, with moments and short stretches of delight and sweetness thrown in. I absolutely CAN imagine my life without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids, and I'm scared to because I feel like everyone i know who has kids, or writes about having kids, seems to complain constantly about it. It just seems to suck.

Is it really that bad? Or does the good outweigh the bad?

If you believe you can "have it all", you just can't. At least not all at once. Those aging feminists told us a lie.

Having a child is a labor of love. If you (both parents) aren't wanting to sacrifice an awful lot, you'll also be complaining about having a child. Best not to get pregnant if you aren't sure that you're up for the job. Good parenting is the hardest work you'll ever have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids, and I'm scared to because I feel like everyone i know who has kids, or writes about having kids, seems to complain constantly about it. It just seems to suck.

Is it really that bad? Or does the good outweigh the bad?

If you believe you can "have it all", you just can't. At least not all at once. Those aging feminists told us a lie.

Having a child is a labor of love. If you (both parents) aren't wanting to sacrifice an awful lot, you'll also be complaining about having a child. Best not to get pregnant if you aren't sure that you're up for the job. Good parenting is the hardest work you'll ever have.

Truth! On paper I have it all ... The job, the kids, the husband. In reality I am exhausted and feel like I'm half assing it all.

[Anonymous]

If people were honest about how bad it can be in the worst and even just regular-grade days, no one would have kids. But boy, they sure are cute and there is still so much love.