Why are so many parents fumbling raising boys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are not ok on a societal level and I think it’s too widespread to blame them. It has to be a parental issue.

What are areas of improvement you could’ve done in your own parenting of boys upon reflection?

1. Parents but especially moms are excusing terrible behavior instead of acknowledging it and addressing it.

2. Boys are given electronic devices earlier and earlier with few if any restrictions.

3. Both parents have to work to make a living these days and are worn out by day to day demands to keep on top of their boys.

4. Boys aren't expected to help around the house the same way girls are so they are unprepared for the real world.

5. Sport culture is toxic and it starts early. Boys aren't allowed to just enjoy playing anymore, they have to be the best. If they aren't the best then they are sidelined by the coaches and teammates in the name of winning. Many end up leaving sports while still young because of this nonsense and end up on video games or less helpful distractions like the manosphere.

5. Single parent households make it hard for the custodial parent to parent effectively because that parent is busy meeting the kids basic needs however they can.

6. Absent dads and male role models is another problem.

7. Changes is education over the past 20 years from the use of the failed Lucy Caulkins reading program adopted by most schools around the country to the replacement of textbooks in favor of random online content for teaching. Boys are far less mature when starting school and these curriculum changes have a bigger and longer impact on them. So many boys graduate nowadays being functionally illiterate.

I could go on and on but the majority of the problems boys face today are found at home.

-Stop giving them access to devices and social media apps.
- Force them to find at least one activity that they enjoy and push them become good in it because that commitment will teach grit.
- Schedule in library time and playground time whenever possible.
- Connect with teachers at the start of the school year and at least once every two to three weeks with a simple "everything good?" email.
- Share your feelings with your kids and let them share their feelings with you. Encourage boys to cry, get mad, sad, frustrated, disappointed but show them how to handle it.

- Set boundaries and expectations around school, chores, communication, behavior, manners.

You do realize that every *point* you made is literally based on your own personal fantasies? Where is your evidence to support 1) that any of what you claim is happening is really happening, and 2) that any of that is actually a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely agree with the above PP. I've posted before about this stuff. One of my sons is not athletic and was subject to verbal abuse from jerk rec coaches. It has bee a struggle to get him to stick with a sport when he's no good and these grown men are letting him know it.
I've also kept my kids off the internet and they are left out of boy conversations aboutFortnite, Mr.beast and so on. They have no frame of reference for it and the other moms just want their boys to be popular so they won't limit it.

They don’t have to raise their boys the way you raise yours just to please you. My boys are awesome and Mr Beast and Fortnite aren’t going to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely agree with the above PP. I've posted before about this stuff. One of my sons is not athletic and was subject to verbal abuse from jerk rec coaches. It has bee a struggle to get him to stick with a sport when he's no good and these grown men are letting him know it.
I've also kept my kids off the internet and they are left out of boy conversations aboutFortnite, Mr.beast and so on. They have no frame of reference for it and the other moms just want their boys to be popular so they won't limit it.

Yes, the point about sports becoming too competitive too early is big and under-discussed. Both my kids (boy and girl) have encountered this and we've dealt with it in similar ways with both -- by providing lots of athletic and active opportunities outside traditional sports. Both do running clubs that focus on outdoor time and conditioning over winning races, both have a non-competitive physical hobby (dance and rock climbing, they picked), both spend lots of time on bikes and at the playground.

But what I notice is that as they get older, DS suffers more socially for this approach. He's trying tennis and golf this summer to see if either are a fit and for social reasons. He had no interest in soccer or lacrosse (one rec season of each but did not enjoy). But the social groups at school revolve around the travel teams for both. We also tried tae kwon do but the commitment they wanted was really intense (3 days a week, which leaves little time for anything else). He's also starting summer swim team this year, that should help (and the team seems to really emphasize sportsmanship over winning).

Meanwhile DD experiences no downsides to not being that sporty. Her dance studio is popular at her school and she gets positive reinforcement for that, and the girl friendships don't revolve around travel teams in the same way. It feels like she has more freedom to just like what she likes and not to confirm to one set idea of what she should be like.

Expectations for boys seem narrower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

+1

It’s why so many young men support the R party and why the D party is spending 20M on trying to figure out how to talk to men.

Boys need recess. They like to roughhouse. They are generally different and that’s ok.

Send them outside to roughhouse and run around as much as you want! See if you can get them off their devices.

Um I do? Sorry your sons (and/or the young men and boys you know) are couch potatoes?

My boy is great, but it doesn’t matter what your kid does or my kid does. We’re taking about societal levels here. The outdoors have always been available for boys to enjoy however they need to. If they’re not out there en masse, what’s stopping them?

Cars and car-centric planning, dummy.

Oh, so boys who live in rural areas must be doing great then, I guess.

In many ways they’re doing better, in many ways they’re doing worse than their suburban counterparts. Poverty is still a major issue, but they’re not suffering from general mental health crises.

That’s not what the research shows at all. Higher rates of suicide among rural youth than their urban counterparts. Higher rates of anxiety and depression.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who cashed out 401k money to get a private baseball coach for her son, because both his and his parents social lives are so dependent on him being good enough at baseball. A third grade child!

[Anonymous]

The time and resources my husband and I put into competitive club sports for our kids resulted in free college educations. The ROI was tremendous. The benefit we didn’t consider during the club sport grind was the value of the athletic alumni network and the obvious preference within the financial services sector for NCAA athletes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure, suddenly all parents are bad at raising boys. /s

The actual reason is that stereotypical boy traits are being less valued in schools and workplaces, while girls have more opportunities than ever, so boys suddenly feel a disadvantage. Add in social media and “manosphere” stuff and that’s it.

+1

It’s why so many young men support the R party and why the D party is spending 20M on trying to figure out how to talk to men.

Boys need recess. They like to roughhouse. They are generally different and that’s ok.

Send them outside to roughhouse and run around as much as you want! See if you can get them off their devices.

Um I do? Sorry your sons (and/or the young men and boys you know) are couch potatoes?

My boy is great, but it doesn’t matter what your kid does or my kid does. We’re taking about societal levels here. The outdoors have always been available for boys to enjoy however they need to. If they’re not out there en masse, what’s stopping them?

Cars and car-centric planning, dummy.

Oh, so boys who live in rural areas must be doing great then, I guess.

In many ways they’re doing better, in many ways they’re doing worse than their suburban counterparts. Poverty is still a major issue, but they’re not suffering from general mental health crises.

That’s not what the research shows at all. Higher rates of suicide among rural youth than their urban counterparts. Higher rates of anxiety and depression.

Suicide and depression can be due to… wait for it… poverty.

Not random neuroses like little Larlo suffers from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who cashed out 401k money to get a private baseball coach for her son, because both his and his parents social lives are so dependent on him being good enough at baseball. A third grade child!

Whoaaaa. Reading this thread has made me so grateful for my little town rec league my son plays in. They place emphasis on skill building and teamwork, not on winning at all costs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
1. Parents but especially moms are excusing terrible behavior instead of acknowledging it and addressing it.

2. Boys are given electronic devices earlier and earlier with few if any restrictions.

3. Both parents have to work to make a living these days and are worn out by day to day demands to keep on top of their boys.

4. Boys aren't expected to help around the house the same way girls are so they are unprepared for the real world.

5. Sport culture is toxic and it starts early. Boys aren't allowed to just enjoy playing anymore, they have to be the best. If they aren't the best then they are sidelined by the coaches and teammates in the name of winning. Many end up leaving sports while still young because of this nonsense and end up on video games or less helpful distractions like the manosphere.

5. Single parent households make it hard for the custodial parent to parent effectively because that parent is busy meeting the kids basic needs however they can.

6. Absent dads and male role models is another problem.

7. Changes is education over the past 20 years from the use of the failed Lucy Caulkins reading program adopted by most schools around the country to the replacement of textbooks in favor of random online content for teaching. Boys are far less mature when starting school and these curriculum changes have a bigger and longer impact on them. So many boys graduate nowadays being functionally illiterate.

I could go on and on but the majority of the problems boys face today are found at home.

-Stop giving them access to devices and social media apps.
- Force them to find at least one activity that they enjoy and push them become good in it because that commitment will teach grit.
- Schedule in library time and playground time whenever possible.
- Connect with teachers at the start of the school year and at least once every two to three weeks with a simple "everything good?" email.
- Share your feelings with your kids and let them share their feelings with you. Encourage boys to cry, get mad, sad, frustrated, disappointed but show them how to handle it.

- Set boundaries and expectations around school, chores, communication, behavior, manners.

This is so spot on. One of my daughter’s close friend when she was younger was a boy. While I spent time on play dates coaching my daughter on what to do and setting boundaries, the other mother sat back and said, that’s just what they are going to do because of their testosterone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are not ok on a societal level and I think it’s too widespread to blame them. It has to be a parental issue.

What are areas of improvement you could’ve done in your own parenting of boys upon reflection?

1. Parents but especially moms are excusing terrible behavior instead of acknowledging it and addressing it.

2. Boys are given electronic devices earlier and earlier with few if any restrictions.

3. Both parents have to work to make a living these days and are worn out by day to day demands to keep on top of their boys.

4. Boys aren't expected to help around the house the same way girls are so they are unprepared for the real world.

5. Sport culture is toxic and it starts early. Boys aren't allowed to just enjoy playing anymore, they have to be the best. If they aren't the best then they are sidelined by the coaches and teammates in the name of winning. Many end up leaving sports while still young because of this nonsense and end up on video games or less helpful distractions like the manosphere.

5. Single parent households make it hard for the custodial parent to parent effectively because that parent is busy meeting the kids basic needs however they can.

6. Absent dads and male role models is another problem.

7. Changes is education over the past 20 years from the use of the failed Lucy Caulkins reading program adopted by most schools around the country to the replacement of textbooks in favor of random online content for teaching. Boys are far less mature when starting school and these curriculum changes have a bigger and longer impact on them. So many boys graduate nowadays being functionally illiterate.

I could go on and on but the majority of the problems boys face today are found at home.

-Stop giving them access to devices and social media apps.
- Force them to find at least one activity that they enjoy and push them become good in it because that commitment will teach grit.
- Schedule in library time and playground time whenever possible.
- Connect with teachers at the start of the school year and at least once every two to three weeks with a simple "everything good?" email.
- Share your feelings with your kids and let them share their feelings with you. Encourage boys to cry, get mad, sad, frustrated, disappointed but show them how to handle it.

- Set boundaries and expectations around school, chores, communication, behavior, manners.

The big one you missed is that moms need to raise their boys to be true feminists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are not ok on a societal level and I think it’s too widespread to blame them. It has to be a parental issue.

What are areas of improvement you could’ve done in your own parenting of boys upon reflection?

1. Parents but especially moms are excusing terrible behavior instead of acknowledging it and addressing it.

2. Boys are given electronic devices earlier and earlier with few if any restrictions.

3. Both parents have to work to make a living these days and are worn out by day to day demands to keep on top of their boys.

4. Boys aren't expected to help around the house the same way girls are so they are unprepared for the real world.

5. Sport culture is toxic and it starts early. Boys aren't allowed to just enjoy playing anymore, they have to be the best. If they aren't the best then they are sidelined by the coaches and teammates in the name of winning. Many end up leaving sports while still young because of this nonsense and end up on video games or less helpful distractions like the manosphere.

5. Single parent households make it hard for the custodial parent to parent effectively because that parent is busy meeting the kids basic needs however they can.

6. Absent dads and male role models is another problem.

7. Changes is education over the past 20 years from the use of the failed Lucy Caulkins reading program adopted by most schools around the country to the replacement of textbooks in favor of random online content for teaching. Boys are far less mature when starting school and these curriculum changes have a bigger and longer impact on them. So many boys graduate nowadays being functionally illiterate.

I could go on and on but the majority of the problems boys face today are found at home.

-Stop giving them access to devices and social media apps.
- Force them to find at least one activity that they enjoy and push them become good in it because that commitment will teach grit.
- Schedule in library time and playground time whenever possible.
- Connect with teachers at the start of the school year and at least once every two to three weeks with a simple "everything good?" email.
- Share your feelings with your kids and let them share their feelings with you. Encourage boys to cry, get mad, sad, frustrated, disappointed but show them how to handle it.

- Set boundaries and expectations around school, chores, communication, behavior, manners.

The big one you missed is that moms need to raise their boys to be true feminists.

Does being a true feminist include blaming men’s behavior on their mothers? Just wondering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boys are not ok on a societal level and I think it’s too widespread to blame them. It has to be a parental issue.

What are areas of improvement you could’ve done in your own parenting of boys upon reflection?

1. Parents but especially moms are excusing terrible behavior instead of acknowledging it and addressing it.

2. Boys are given electronic devices earlier and earlier with few if any restrictions.

3. Both parents have to work to make a living these days and are worn out by day to day demands to keep on top of their boys.

4. Boys aren't expected to help around the house the same way girls are so they are unprepared for the real world.

5. Sport culture is toxic and it starts early. Boys aren't allowed to just enjoy playing anymore, they have to be the best. If they aren't the best then they are sidelined by the coaches and teammates in the name of winning. Many end up leaving sports while still young because of this nonsense and end up on video games or less helpful distractions like the manosphere.

5. Single parent households make it hard for the custodial parent to parent effectively because that parent is busy meeting the kids basic needs however they can.

6. Absent dads and male role models is another problem.

7. Changes is education over the past 20 years from the use of the failed Lucy Caulkins reading program adopted by most schools around the country to the replacement of textbooks in favor of random online content for teaching. Boys are far less mature when starting school and these curriculum changes have a bigger and longer impact on them. So many boys graduate nowadays being functionally illiterate.

I could go on and on but the majority of the problems boys face today are found at home.

-Stop giving them access to devices and social media apps.
- Force them to find at least one activity that they enjoy and push them become good in it because that commitment will teach grit.
- Schedule in library time and playground time whenever possible.
- Connect with teachers at the start of the school year and at least once every two to three weeks with a simple "everything good?" email.
- Share your feelings with your kids and let them share their feelings with you. Encourage boys to cry, get mad, sad, frustrated, disappointed but show them how to handle it.

- Set boundaries and expectations around school, chores, communication, behavior, manners.

Every 2-3 weeks?! You think every parent of a boy (so 10-12 kids) should be contacting the teacher 18 separate times during the school year? That’s 200 parent emails, and that doesn’t include the parents of the girls.