sex partners

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I don't get guys who get hung on how many men their partners have slept with previously.

I'm a guy in my 40s. If I was in the market right now, I would not care.

It could be 600, not 60, and I wouldn't care.

It depends on your goals in dating: if it's just sex (dating someone 2-3 months then moving on), it won't matter. For a life partner it matters for many people

It still wouldn't bother me (tho 600 might have been an exaggeration)

But here's why. I became active at 18, and then started dating my wife at 23. In that time, my number of partners was upwards of 30.

So it was roughly 5-6 a year, which doesn't seem crazy. Especially because there would be some months where it was 2-3 new partners. And then maybe a few months where I tried dating someone.

So its not crazy to get to a "high" number. If I hadn't met my eventual wife at 23, I probably would have been at 60-75 by my late 20s. And if I went through a similar stretch in my 30s, I could have easily been at 100, even if I had monogamous relationships mixed in

So why would I judge/care if a woman took a similar path, especially when that path could have very easily been mine

You are not monogamous yourself: slept with several partners, then dated, then slept around again. You don't see intimacy as part of a relationship. It would be a problem for me, as I do see it that way. Women are not testosterone driven, and generally receive better quality sex and satisfaction when in exclusive relationships. I just can't relax if I think my partner is sleeping with someone else in parallel, or he's bred-crumbing me with his time, doesn't attempt to reciprocate with scheduling dates etc. Even when actively dating (e.g. interviewing/going out with 3-4 men a week), I would still only meet 2-3 people whom I truly liked based on their dating style, attractiveness level, education, goals etc. It was the same dating pattern for me in my 20s and now in my 40s upon divorce. 5-6 partners a year is somewhat crazy for a woman who dates with intention.

Well, the intention is to know that my long-term partner and I will be compatible sexually. So yes, I will sleep with the men I am dating.

I also never bring up this stupid topic with anyone I'm dating. It's beyond childish to want to ask and then judge the person based on how many sexual partners they've had. Who cares!!! Also, for all of those men who think that 90% of the time the woman is telling you her actual number, BAHAHHAA. It's because of threads like this that you'll never really know.

I never had bad sex in my life sleeping with men after waiting for a month. All of my 6 partners were exceptionally caring, loving when it happened and have me O from the first night together.
There is no need to have intercourse to check sexual compatibility. I can always tell from simple kiss, touch and some minor undressing how he would do in bedroom, and was never wrong

And if that's what works for you, GREAT! I'm not telling you to do anything different. But why do you think you get to judge anyone else for engaging in sex on their timeline?

I'm not judging anyone. But if someone tells me you need to sleep with 10 people while dating to pick one for the sex to be great, this is just not true. It's what the modern dating culture of sleeping around tries to install and this is very pressing and damaging for young women, IMHO, to feel pressured to have sex early in dating process (or they would loose on "quality" men). Women who enjoy sex would orgasm with any healthy man who cares for them in bedroom. Men have many tools in their disposal to make a woman happy. I had partners who were large sized, medium and small. One had issues with ED. It still worked and led to long relationships that I can remember with gratitude.

No dear, it's not true FOR YOU. Also, no one is pressuring me to have sex. I enjoy sex!!!

I enjoy sex, too, just want it somehow with fewer number of men

OK, you do you. Leave the rest of us be.

NP, but come on, if you felt like this was normal, healthy behavior, you wouldn't be so defensive.

Huh? I'm about as defensive as you are about your "over the jeans" handjobs. I was stating my truth, not being defensive. You might not find it healthy or normal, but that's a you problem.

You can’t give a handjob over jeans. Men over 45 don’t finish from it, and even rarely finish from BJ. It’s called “caressing”.
People with random sexual experiences are also pretty bad in bedroom (my experience). Just clueless.

And they are terrible in bed for that specific reason: they don’t treat sex serous enough or worth exploration with partners they trust. Get off and go is the attitude. I call it “sexual ADHD”

You guys are truly hilarious.

You simultaneously claim that people that have multiple sexual partners are bad in bed but have also admitted to having very few sexual partners.

How do you know how bad all these other men and women are, unless you're having sex with them? Are they voluntarily confessing how bad they are?

No, they are not confessing but latest partner I had was from this cohort.
…
He told me women in one night stands also never gave him BJ and he was shocked to get it at first night. I was long married and don’t understand how oral sex can be non-reciprocal.
…

You may not understand it, but believe me, this happens.

What I don’t understand is what people then get from one night stands. Even for men, if it’s so mechanical: the sensation is cushioned by condom; the woman wouldn’t care to reciprocate any foreplay. Seems like he could do it just as well with his hands and watching a porn movie. Add risk of infection on top of it and the reward is just not worth the trouble getting out of bed and spending money on dinner or drinks, IMHO

Guy here. I haven't had THAT many partners, but I've had some great one-night stands. I love the whole experience with someone new--the meeting, flirtation, and build up, to the act itself. Have definitely had oral as part of it. Just love the excitement of that kind of intimacy with a new person who I otherwise don't know that well. Have never gotten any sort of STD either. Now I'm happily married with a great sex life.

Did you test for herpes, and other smaller deceases that are not part of a standard panel? You might be surprised if you do!

Yes, negative for HSV, and not sure what "smaller deceases" you might be referring to. People way overestimate how easy it is to pick up STDs though.

Mycoplasma, ureaplasma, strep, and various other polymicrobial infections all can cause symptoms, to include subfertility and infertility, in both males and females. No standard STD panel tests for these FYI.

You were/are military, right? It's always military people who use that grammatically incorrect phrase "to include."

Good catch, my pedantic friend. I have much experience telling dumb joes how to be responsible on leave, to include keeping their tallywhacker in their pants so it doesn’t catch on fire.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get guys who get hung on how many men their partners have slept with previously.

I'm a guy in my 40s. If I was in the market right now, I would not care.

It could be 600, not 60, and I wouldn't care.

It depends on your goals in dating: if it's just sex (dating someone 2-3 months then moving on), it won't matter. For a life partner it matters for many people

It still wouldn't bother me (tho 600 might have been an exaggeration)

But here's why. I became active at 18, and then started dating my wife at 23. In that time, my number of partners was upwards of 30.

So it was roughly 5-6 a year, which doesn't seem crazy. Especially because there would be some months where it was 2-3 new partners. And then maybe a few months where I tried dating someone.

So its not crazy to get to a "high" number. If I hadn't met my eventual wife at 23, I probably would have been at 60-75 by my late 20s. And if I went through a similar stretch in my 30s, I could have easily been at 100, even if I had monogamous relationships mixed in

So why would I judge/care if a woman took a similar path, especially when that path could have very easily been mine

You are not monogamous yourself: slept with several partners, then dated, then slept around again. You don't see intimacy as part of a relationship. It would be a problem for me, as I do see it that way. Women are not testosterone driven, and generally receive better quality sex and satisfaction when in exclusive relationships. I just can't relax if I think my partner is sleeping with someone else in parallel, or he's bred-crumbing me with his time, doesn't attempt to reciprocate with scheduling dates etc. Even when actively dating (e.g. interviewing/going out with 3-4 men a week), I would still only meet 2-3 people whom I truly liked based on their dating style, attractiveness level, education, goals etc. It was the same dating pattern for me in my 20s and now in my 40s upon divorce. 5-6 partners a year is somewhat crazy for a woman who dates with intention.

Well, the intention is to know that my long-term partner and I will be compatible sexually. So yes, I will sleep with the men I am dating.

I also never bring up this stupid topic with anyone I'm dating. It's beyond childish to want to ask and then judge the person based on how many sexual partners they've had. Who cares!!! Also, for all of those men who think that 90% of the time the woman is telling you her actual number, BAHAHHAA. It's because of threads like this that you'll never really know.

I never had bad sex in my life sleeping with men after waiting for a month. All of my 6 partners were exceptionally caring, loving when it happened and have me O from the first night together.
There is no need to have intercourse to check sexual compatibility. I can always tell from simple kiss, touch and some minor undressing how he would do in bedroom, and was never wrong

And if that's what works for you, GREAT! I'm not telling you to do anything different. But why do you think you get to judge anyone else for engaging in sex on their timeline?

I'm not judging anyone. But if someone tells me you need to sleep with 10 people while dating to pick one for the sex to be great, this is just not true. It's what the modern dating culture of sleeping around tries to install and this is very pressing and damaging for young women, IMHO, to feel pressured to have sex early in dating process (or they would loose on "quality" men). Women who enjoy sex would orgasm with any healthy man who cares for them in bedroom. Men have many tools in their disposal to make a woman happy. I had partners who were large sized, medium and small. One had issues with ED. It still worked and led to long relationships that I can remember with gratitude.

No dear, it's not true FOR YOU. Also, no one is pressuring me to have sex. I enjoy sex!!!

I enjoy sex, too, just want it somehow with fewer number of men

OK, you do you. Leave the rest of us be.

NP, but come on, if you felt like this was normal, healthy behavior, you wouldn't be so defensive.

Huh? I'm about as defensive as you are about your "over the jeans" handjobs. I was stating my truth, not being defensive. You might not find it healthy or normal, but that's a you problem.

You can’t give a handjob over jeans. Men over 45 don’t finish from it, and even rarely finish from BJ. It’s called “caressing”.
People with random sexual experiences are also pretty bad in bedroom (my experience). Just clueless.

And they are terrible in bed for that specific reason: they don’t treat sex serous enough or worth exploration with partners they trust. Get off and go is the attitude. I call it “sexual ADHD”

You guys are truly hilarious.

You simultaneously claim that people that have multiple sexual partners are bad in bed but have also admitted to having very few sexual partners.

How do you know how bad all these other men and women are, unless you're having sex with them? Are they voluntarily confessing how bad they are?

No, they are not confessing but latest partner I had was from this cohort.
…
He told me women in one night stands also never gave him BJ and he was shocked to get it at first night. I was long married and don’t understand how oral sex can be non-reciprocal.
…

You may not understand it, but believe me, this happens.

What I don’t understand is what people then get from one night stands. Even for men, if it’s so mechanical: the sensation is cushioned by condom; the woman wouldn’t care to reciprocate any foreplay. Seems like he could do it just as well with his hands and watching a porn movie. Add risk of infection on top of it and the reward is just not worth the trouble getting out of bed and spending money on dinner or drinks, IMHO

Guy here. I haven't had THAT many partners, but I've had some great one-night stands. I love the whole experience with someone new--the meeting, flirtation, and build up, to the act itself. Have definitely had oral as part of it. Just love the excitement of that kind of intimacy with a new person who I otherwise don't know that well. Have never gotten any sort of STD either. Now I'm happily married with a great sex life.

Did you test for herpes, and other smaller deceases that are not part of a standard panel? You might be surprised if you do!

Yes, negative for HSV, and not sure what "smaller deceases" you might be referring to. People way overestimate how easy it is to pick up STDs though.

Mycoplasma, ureaplasma, strep, and various other polymicrobial infections all can cause symptoms, to include subfertility and infertility, in both males and females. No standard STD panel tests for these FYI.

Are you a doctor? It sounds like you are not. Many, perhaps most, of the variants of these bacteria are normal flora and do not cause any sort of infection requiring treatment. These are waaaaaaay down the list of things that are likely effect fertility. You are certainly welcome to live your life in fear of infection from these, but it is perfectly rational not to be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get guys who get hung on how many men their partners have slept with previously.

I'm a guy in my 40s. If I was in the market right now, I would not care.

It could be 600, not 60, and I wouldn't care.

It depends on your goals in dating: if it's just sex (dating someone 2-3 months then moving on), it won't matter. For a life partner it matters for many people

It still wouldn't bother me (tho 600 might have been an exaggeration)

But here's why. I became active at 18, and then started dating my wife at 23. In that time, my number of partners was upwards of 30.

So it was roughly 5-6 a year, which doesn't seem crazy. Especially because there would be some months where it was 2-3 new partners. And then maybe a few months where I tried dating someone.

So its not crazy to get to a "high" number. If I hadn't met my eventual wife at 23, I probably would have been at 60-75 by my late 20s. And if I went through a similar stretch in my 30s, I could have easily been at 100, even if I had monogamous relationships mixed in

So why would I judge/care if a woman took a similar path, especially when that path could have very easily been mine

You are not monogamous yourself: slept with several partners, then dated, then slept around again. You don't see intimacy as part of a relationship. It would be a problem for me, as I do see it that way. Women are not testosterone driven, and generally receive better quality sex and satisfaction when in exclusive relationships. I just can't relax if I think my partner is sleeping with someone else in parallel, or he's bred-crumbing me with his time, doesn't attempt to reciprocate with scheduling dates etc. Even when actively dating (e.g. interviewing/going out with 3-4 men a week), I would still only meet 2-3 people whom I truly liked based on their dating style, attractiveness level, education, goals etc. It was the same dating pattern for me in my 20s and now in my 40s upon divorce. 5-6 partners a year is somewhat crazy for a woman who dates with intention.

Well, the intention is to know that my long-term partner and I will be compatible sexually. So yes, I will sleep with the men I am dating.

I also never bring up this stupid topic with anyone I'm dating. It's beyond childish to want to ask and then judge the person based on how many sexual partners they've had. Who cares!!! Also, for all of those men who think that 90% of the time the woman is telling you her actual number, BAHAHHAA. It's because of threads like this that you'll never really know.

I never had bad sex in my life sleeping with men after waiting for a month. All of my 6 partners were exceptionally caring, loving when it happened and have me O from the first night together.
There is no need to have intercourse to check sexual compatibility. I can always tell from simple kiss, touch and some minor undressing how he would do in bedroom, and was never wrong

And if that's what works for you, GREAT! I'm not telling you to do anything different. But why do you think you get to judge anyone else for engaging in sex on their timeline?

I'm not judging anyone. But if someone tells me you need to sleep with 10 people while dating to pick one for the sex to be great, this is just not true. It's what the modern dating culture of sleeping around tries to install and this is very pressing and damaging for young women, IMHO, to feel pressured to have sex early in dating process (or they would loose on "quality" men). Women who enjoy sex would orgasm with any healthy man who cares for them in bedroom. Men have many tools in their disposal to make a woman happy. I had partners who were large sized, medium and small. One had issues with ED. It still worked and led to long relationships that I can remember with gratitude.

No dear, it's not true FOR YOU. Also, no one is pressuring me to have sex. I enjoy sex!!!

I enjoy sex, too, just want it somehow with fewer number of men

OK, you do you. Leave the rest of us be.

NP, but come on, if you felt like this was normal, healthy behavior, you wouldn't be so defensive.

Huh? I'm about as defensive as you are about your "over the jeans" handjobs. I was stating my truth, not being defensive. You might not find it healthy or normal, but that's a you problem.

You can’t give a handjob over jeans. Men over 45 don’t finish from it, and even rarely finish from BJ. It’s called “caressing”.
People with random sexual experiences are also pretty bad in bedroom (my experience). Just clueless.

And they are terrible in bed for that specific reason: they don’t treat sex serous enough or worth exploration with partners they trust. Get off and go is the attitude. I call it “sexual ADHD”

You guys are truly hilarious.

You simultaneously claim that people that have multiple sexual partners are bad in bed but have also admitted to having very few sexual partners.

How do you know how bad all these other men and women are, unless you're having sex with them? Are they voluntarily confessing how bad they are?

No, they are not confessing but latest partner I had was from this cohort.
…
He told me women in one night stands also never gave him BJ and he was shocked to get it at first night. I was long married and don’t understand how oral sex can be non-reciprocal.
…

You may not understand it, but believe me, this happens.

What I don’t understand is what people then get from one night stands. Even for men, if it’s so mechanical: the sensation is cushioned by condom; the woman wouldn’t care to reciprocate any foreplay. Seems like he could do it just as well with his hands and watching a porn movie. Add risk of infection on top of it and the reward is just not worth the trouble getting out of bed and spending money on dinner or drinks, IMHO

Guy here. I haven't had THAT many partners, but I've had some great one-night stands. I love the whole experience with someone new--the meeting, flirtation, and build up, to the act itself. Have definitely had oral as part of it. Just love the excitement of that kind of intimacy with a new person who I otherwise don't know that well. Have never gotten any sort of STD either. Now I'm happily married with a great sex life.

Did you test for herpes, and other smaller deceases that are not part of a standard panel? You might be surprised if you do!

Yes, negative for HSV, and not sure what "smaller deceases" you might be referring to. People way overestimate how easy it is to pick up STDs though.

Mycoplasma, ureaplasma, strep, and various other polymicrobial infections all can cause symptoms, to include subfertility and infertility, in both males and females. No standard STD panel tests for these FYI.

Are you a doctor? It sounds like you are not. Many, perhaps most, of the variants of these bacteria are normal flora and do not cause any sort of infection requiring treatment. These are waaaaaaay down the list of things that are likely effect fertility. You are certainly welcome to live your life in fear of infection from these, but it is perfectly rational not to be concerned.

I’m not the PP you asked the question. But to the point - I wouldn’t want to treat these small infections non stop sleeping around erratically. I wouldn’t care if it happened in a serous long term situation and when both are in love. I would support my partner no matter what

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, with 60 partners you know she’s done some freaky stuff. Don’t let her tell you that she won’t do freaky stuff with you.

Yeah! F**k consent! If she does something with someone else, she has no right to refuse to do it with you --- unless you're an inferior man. You don't want to be an inferior man, do you?

No, you should absolutely get her consent. But if she decides to deny YOU after many years on the c0ck carousel, cut her loose and find someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, with 60 partners you know she’s done some freaky stuff. Don’t let her tell you that she won’t do freaky stuff with you.

Yeah! F**k consent! If she does something with someone else, she has no right to refuse to do it with you --- unless you're an inferior man. You don't want to be an inferior man, do you?

No, you should absolutely get her consent. But if she decides to deny YOU after many years on the c0ck carousel, cut her loose and find someone else.

Or you could just accept that even SHE doesn’t want to sleep with you. That must be a hard pill to swallow.

[Anonymous]

60 one night stands is not exactly a cock carousel. That’s not much experience at all for her age. She’s got flirting down but has probably only had sex those few times and she might be lying about the number. Why doesn’t anyone call her back is the better question.

When I meet guys who are super adept at flirting I know the d1ck is trash. They have to land one night stands because nobody ever calls them back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:60 one night stands is not exactly a cock carousel. That’s not much experience at all for her age. She’s got flirting down but has probably only had sex those few times and she might be lying about the number. Why doesn’t anyone call her back is the better question.

When I meet guys who are super adept at flirting I know the d1ck is trash. They have to land one night stands because nobody ever calls them back.

Yes, a woman who is good and hot in sex would have longer relationships, like, 2-3 months at least, having lots of sex with one person. The something doesn't work out, she's searching again. But 60 one night stands? Maybe she was a hooker.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

I have two friends like this and both of them I think have issues with boundaries and self respect. I suspect that if either got seriously approached or pursued while in a relationship they would both sleep with the pursuer, because they will do pretty much anything for male attention.

A third friend of mine is also like this and is a diagnosed sex addict. So for me, with that many sexual partners, it would be a no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:60 one night stands is not exactly a cock carousel. That’s not much experience at all for her age. She’s got flirting down but has probably only had sex those few times and she might be lying about the number. Why doesn’t anyone call her back is the better question.

When I meet guys who are super adept at flirting I know the d1ck is trash. They have to land one night stands because nobody ever calls them back.

OP wrote 60 sexual partners - not necessarily ONS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man in his thirties, would you consider entering a serious relationship with a 28-year-old woman who has had over sixty sexual partners?

I was in your situation twice, OP.

One woman was quite honest about her promiscuity, beginning at age 13, and she also had major trauma and family instability (not surprisingly). She had gone through years of therapy, which made her a successful and well-adjusted adult. She was very high-drive (ideally 1 to 2 times per day).

That is why I dated her; she was a marriage candidate who wanted kids. It did not work out; she met someone else, immediately had a child, but sadly they divorced. I wish her well.

The other woman had well over 60, and was an only child of a very dysfunctional family. Bad news. Awful person.

[Anonymous]

60?

That would honestly get me going, as a dude.

I would be all in

[Anonymous]

As a divorced man I’m honestly very surprised by the high number of women in their 30s/40s who are just ready to f***ck without a condom. I don’t play Russian roulette with my life at 45. Post divorce I have been with 5 women in the span of 2 years and every single one of them sent signals the first time we slept together that I could just go in without protection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced man I’m honestly very surprised by the high number of women in their 30s/40s who are just ready to f***ck without a condom. I don’t play Russian roulette with my life at 45. Post divorce I have been with 5 women in the span of 2 years and every single one of them sent signals the first time we slept together that I could just go in without protection.

I have had the same experience as a woman from men. They often have the same excuse that they can’t stay hard with condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced man I’m honestly very surprised by the high number of women in their 30s/40s who are just ready to f***ck without a condom. I don’t play Russian roulette with my life at 45. Post divorce I have been with 5 women in the span of 2 years and every single one of them sent signals the first time we slept together that I could just go in without protection.

I have had the same experience as a woman from men. They often have the same excuse that they can’t stay hard with condoms.

As a woman I always exchange std testing before having sex. It includes conventional and non-conventional infections like herpes and HPV (that condoms don’t protect from so it’s not a 100% guarantee either). If both are tested for the whole spectrum condoms are basically for peace of mind. You just don’t know what if that tested partner cheats in a moment. But once I’m certain it’s transitioning into a long term relationship I tell partner condom is not needed.