The Research on Various Childcare Options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Quality of daycare/nanny/SAHP is everything. I chose to send my kids to daycare at 4 months even though we easily could have afforded a nanny (gasp!) because my work had an on-site center that that allowed me to maximize my time with them, and it made me nervous to put all my trust into one person alone with my baby all day. I do know several people who had bad experiences with Nannies ...

That's a great set up. If in the office less than 5 day/week-split on WFH - what happens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, the people with the bad Nannies don’t realize it (until they do and fire their nanny). This has happened with friends who are thorough, diligent, check references, etc.

Yes, people don't know when they have a bad nanny or a bad daycare. Otherwise, they would remedy the situations quickly. But moms are hard on themselves and don't hesitate to label themselves as bad moms/SAHMs. I mention moms specifically because practically all dads seem super confident in their parenting skills.

A bad licensed daycare will still be inspected more and subject to much more scrutiny than a bad nanny.

I think not needing to oversee or supervise a nanny is probably the main reason why "wealthy" people might use daycare. It's relatively higher risk and higher reward - you might get a bad nanny who puts your child in danger, but on the flip side you will hopefully get a good nanny who provides better care than a daycare.

I chose daycare for this reason. I didn't like the thought of a stranger at my place all day. DH and I both had long commutes and if anything happened it would take time to get home. At least at a daycare, you know they have all these policies in place to keep your kid safe.

But post COVID, now that I'm working remotely more, a nanny has been great for my second since I am usually home (and just try to stay out of her way) and have seen/heard enough of what she does to trust her on the days I go in.

[Anonymous]

Most children abuse happens at home with a close relative. Most gun accidents that kills kids happens home

[Anonymous]

Because of covid, the pandemic it went higher the child abuse because they were at home with family. Don't trust anyone. Even the uncle could be a criminal in disguise

[Anonymous]

I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

You sound really mean-spirited. I understand you feel strongly about what you believe, but your disdain for other people is so off-putting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

You can bond and build trust without being the sole caretaker of your baby. I have a nanny and my baby loves her and that doesn't change anything about my own relationship with my baby. I'm sure you'll say, well that's better than daycare. I would agree with that but maybe if you find a good daycare where there isn't a lot of turnover and the teachers are caring and the classes are small, then the teachers can probably bond and build trust with them as well. I think your'e oversimplifying things when you're suggesting that a baby needs to spend all of his time with a blood relative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

You can bond and build trust without being the sole caretaker of your baby. I have a nanny and my baby loves her and that doesn't change anything about my own relationship with my baby. I'm sure you'll say, well that's better than daycare. I would agree with that but maybe if you find a good daycare where there isn't a lot of turnover and the teachers are caring and the classes are small, then the teachers can probably bond and build trust with them as well. I think your'e oversimplifying things when you're suggesting that a baby needs to spend all of his time with a blood relative.

Also the comment about the linoleum floored room is weird. As opposed to...hardwood floor? Carpet?

[Anonymous]

Anecdotally, DD was taken care of by a loving nanny since birth, then started preschool 2 mornings a week at age 2, and went to preschool 5 mornings a week at age 3. She's now almost 4 and painfully shy. I wonder if she would have been equally shy attending daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

You can bond and build trust without being the sole caretaker of your baby. I have a nanny and my baby loves her and that doesn't change anything about my own relationship with my baby. I'm sure you'll say, well that's better than daycare. I would agree with that but maybe if you find a good daycare where there isn't a lot of turnover and the teachers are caring and the classes are small, then the teachers can probably bond and build trust with them as well. I think your'e oversimplifying things when you're suggesting that a baby needs to spend all of his time with a blood relative.

Also the comment about the linoleum floored room is weird. As opposed to...hardwood floor? Carpet?

Antiseptic and cacophonous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, DD was taken care of by a loving nanny since birth, then started preschool 2 mornings a week at age 2, and went to preschool 5 mornings a week at age 3. She's now almost 4 and painfully shy. I wonder if she would have been equally shy attending daycare.

Who knows but I have friends who kids attended daycare from a young age and are still shy. I think nature is probably stronger than nurture, but could be a mix of both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotally, DD was taken care of by a loving nanny since birth, then started preschool 2 mornings a week at age 2, and went to preschool 5 mornings a week at age 3. She's now almost 4 and painfully shy. I wonder if she would have been equally shy attending daycare.

Who knows but I have friends who kids attended daycare from a young age and are still shy. I think nature is probably stronger than nurture, but could be a mix of both.

DP but also daycare at young ages doesn't necessarily ho social skills. For kids with social anxiety it might make it worse as without supports might solidify their anxiety.
-mother of a child with social anxiety who was in daycare since 5 months of age

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

This is just not accurate. Infants are in small groups with controlled ratios. Linoleum floors have nothing to do with anything. While I wish early childhood teachers were paid more, the implication that they are less educated than nannies or even most parents is not true, by and large. They are people who’ve chosen to work with kids for a living, in spite of the low pay.

Sure, a bad daycare, a bad nanny, or a bad parent can all do harm to a kid. Good ones on the other hand, are all good. A child is not worse off for being loved and cared for by more people than just their parents.

You say that in the early years we need to bond with our children and build trust. Children bond to their parents, it is how they are wired and daycare doesn’t take it away. And placing kids with other trusted adults is one of many ways we foster trust with our children.

I find it ironic you talk about how kids today are struggling. This misplaced sense of “nobody is good enough to watch my precious kid” stressed out hover parenting is what is causing the damage - not sitting in a class singing songs and doing crafts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean hey if you think your infant spending 10 hours in a linoleum floored room with 10 other babies and underpaid, undereducated, rotating staff is better than you or your partner then maybe they are.

No one ever talks about the dads that have historically been left out and excluded from time and bonding with their kids because they had to be the sole means of support. No one is saying anyone should stay at home forever but in the early years you are building the foundation of your relationship with your child, bonding and building trust. One would think somebody related to the kid would want to be there to provide that if they were able.

Reminder, you can't have it all. No one does. All the meaningful things in life require sacrifice. The kids are not ok RN and everyone is pointing fingers everywhere but refusing to look in the mirror.

You sound really mean-spirited. I understand you feel strongly about what you believe, but your disdain for other people is so off-putting.

NP. I just read this thread, and the idea that that mean-spirited PP is raising kids is terrifying. It does give some insight into what causes bullying children, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing is, the people with the bad Nannies don’t realize it (until they do and fire their nanny). This has happened with friends who are thorough, diligent, check references, etc.

Yes, people don't know when they have a bad nanny or a bad daycare. Otherwise, they would remedy the situations quickly. But moms are hard on themselves and don't hesitate to label themselves as bad moms/SAHMs. I mention moms specifically because practically all dads seem super confident in their parenting skills.

I still think about a random reddit post I read when my baby was young. A nanny was leaving a baby in the crib alone for large portions of they day. It was a nanny share situation, and care was usually at the other home... But it was at this families home when host family was on vacation. The family had a crib sensor, and the baby was in the crib for 6-7 hours of the nanny's day, crying & sleeping. Nanny had a written logs claiming activities, etc. The nanny was just sleeping / watching TV, but still. The poor baby. The family fired her immediately, but bizarrely, the other nanny share family kept her on.