IVF and working a new job and what to expect

[Anonymous]

I have not been working this past year (at home with my daughter who is almost 4). However prior to that I did work but was restructured out.

Anyway, my DH and I have been TTC for 1.5years and just found out that we NEED IVF to get get pregnant. We are scheduled for July 2012.
However, I've been looking for work for about 5 months and JUST got an offer. The role is intense. But more like 40hours a week with 1 week every 4 weeks where I will be working until 7 to get the job done.

Anyway does it make sense to take on a job at this point? Will I be able to handle IVF and working a new role, and perhaps a demanding role? Or should I just forget about it, and give my body a break b/c it will be going through the ringer anyway? If I don't get pregnant with IVF round one, I'll continue for two more cycles before we decide this isn't the right route anymore, but irrespective I want to know what if I should even be putting myself in this place.

The other concern is, it's taken me so long to finally find a role, do I just 'pass' (which wouldn't be the end of the world to be honest b/c if DD is ment to me my only child I sort of don't want to miss this time of hers) or do I continue to search after the IVF process is behind me?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm 32 years old, and according to my mom screw work, I have the rest of my life to do that, and to just take care of myself during this process and enjoy DD.

Financially we would be okay really and we have savings for IVF, I'm mostly concerned about having unemployed time on my resume and being less marketable in the future and seeing how it's taken me a while to find this role it might get harder if I take off another year (If I get pregnant I'm writing off working until after delivery)

[Anonymous]

I was in this boat a year ago. I had done 3 IVFs that failed and was gearing up for my 4th (and final.) Then I get a call about a job as I was just about to start all the tests/stims. I told them that I had some unfinished stuff from my self-employment life that I'd need to finish and they said no problem. As it was, I was able to get to work on time for the a.m. monitoring, but when they had retrieval and transfer, I had to take those days off.

In the middle of it all, when I was about to go back for the transfer of the embryos, I up and quit the job. I'd been there 2 weeks, but the stress level was insanely sick. I realized that I was making a choice - stay at a stressful job and risk the very real possibility that the embryos don't implant/stay inside me, or quit. I quit.

The process is very stressful and if the job is stressful you really might be in for the ringer. We felt like, why spend 15K on IVF and meds only to sabotage it ourselves. It was so far the only IVF that worked, and I'm currently 35 weeks. So from my perspective - I think you can see that to me, I'm with your mom. Screw work, you have the rest of your life to work - you don't have the rest of your life and bank account to keep trying for a baby.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP,

From what you've described, you can afford not to take this job. If that's the case, I say don't (though if these were different circumstances I would say go for the job if it's what you want). I actually went from a very stressful role at my company to a less stressful, very flexible role at the company, and I absolutely believe it was a big part of why I got pregnant.

IVF can be stressful. There's monitoring daily but then also the retrieval to think about. I didn't know the exact day of my retrieval until the day before, and then I was out for two days. Fortunately I was in a position at work where I could take two unplanned days off without issue, but will that be possible in your new job? And of course, there's transfer and you may not know the timing of that until a day before. My RE said a full day of bedrest which I took, but again, I was in a job that was very flexible. It was no big deal for me to take the day off.

You're facing a tough choice, but if the job can wait, then I say don't take it. Regardless, best of luck to you!

[Anonymous]

While I agree with everything that PPs have said (IVF is stressful, it's hard to do that and have a job, etc), I do want to offer an alternative perspective.

I got a new job last December, did an IVF in February which worked (!! first one out of three that took). It really wasn't that bad - the monitoring appointments, at least at my doctor, can all be done before normal business hours, and then its just the retrieval and transfer. I took my retrieval day off as a sick day, and actually worked the entire day after my transfer (as you'll see in another post on this forum, there's lots of questions about whether one day off even is necessary after transfer). So from a logistical standpoint, it's totally possible. Maybe not ideal, but possible.

Here's the real sticking point - after the pregnancy took, I got OHSS then had a miscarriage. I've had two surgeries and have had to put IVF on hold for about 4 months while this miscarriage actually happens. Point being - you can NEVER predict what's going to happen. If you want the job and it's a good job, take it. If you don't really want it, don't. Just don't make the decision based on TTC/IVF. You'll figure it out either way. We always do, don't we?

[Anonymous]

OP Here, I told the employer and the agency that is helping me with this opportunity that I am very interested and I have until Monday to give an answer (if none of the stress in my life existed, this is a great opportunity to learn/advance/progress from). How would I explain not taking the role to the employer and agency? I guess I don't want to be taken less seriously because I'm planning a pregnancy/IVF and looking for roles but not accepting based on this....do I just tell the agency that I'm doing IVF and the stress is the reason I might pass?

I really have no idea of what to anticipate in terms of how stressful IVF is. My fertility clinic is about 40 minutes from my home and in the opposite direction of the new job which is about 30 minutes. That week in July I was just going to say I had a medical issue etc. to take time off.

[Anonymous]

17:11 here.

No. Do not tell them or anyone you are doing IVF. They'll hear that and back-burner you completely. They'll make all sorts of assumptions about you, if you try to negotiate salary they will be all judgy, just don't do this. It's none of their business. The logistics of clinic to job seem unrealistic to me, but if you were set on doing this, here's what I'd do.

Take the job if you get it. Start it up as normal and then when the first sign of IVF stuff that's going to take you out of the office starts, go into your boss, shut the door and say, "I know this is bad timing, but I've just discovered I have a somewhat minor medical issue that's going to require me to take some time off on these days." You're going to have to guess at the embryo transfer date - sometimes it's 3 days after retrieval, sometimes 5, and maybe you'll luck out and this will happen on a weekend (or retrieval will.)

[Anonymous]

OP, do you think this job is really something that you want? I mean, like, it's a dream job? If not, and you don't need the money, then I would wait until you have had the 2nd baby and are ready to go back.

FWIW - I took a job (had too) after not working for a year while TTC. Three months in to the new gig I had a miscarriage and had to take two weeks off. I've had four miscarriages since and now we're doing donor egg (lots of appointments). I thank God every day that my boss is understanding. He had to advance me sick leave for the miscarriage. How many bosses will do that?? Anyway, the learning curve for the job would have been stressful under any circumstances, but it was hell trying to make the job work while going through all that medical crap. The only thing that saved me was having a boss who was understanding. If I had any other choice, I would have waited.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP -- there's two things I sense that you're asking here: should I take this job, and is IVF too stressful to handle when you're transitioning into a new position.

I'm going against the other posters: I can't tell you about whether you should take this job, but I can say that IVF can absolutely be handled when you have a stressful job. You'll have bloodwork and a quick ultrasound in the early morning, and you'll have a couple of days you'll need to be out of the office entirely (retrieval and transfer 2 to 5 days after retrieval.) I managed it and I'm single and have a pretty stressful job (I work till 9 and 10 some nights), and I'm by no means some kind of hyper-organized Superwoman. I personally found the effects on my body much easier to deal with than when I was taking Clomid.

Much like getting pregnant any other way, it's impossible for most people to build perfect circumstances for IVF. So I wouldn't even worry about that, and just focus on whether you want the job or not or whether you personally want to deal with IVF and a new position. You CAN do it, I have no doubt; it's just a matter of whether you want to.

And I agree with one of the PP's who said don't tell them about the IVF. That's not their business.

[Anonymous]

I posted about this years ago and the general advice I got was to go for it. ANd I think it was great advice. as long as the job does not involve travel, you'll be fine. you only really need one day off per cycle. Morning monitoring is very early so you should be at work on time. Also, if your first cycle does not work, I think it;s easier to take if you have something else in your life that is going well (ie an awesome new job). and if you do get pregnant, it will then be at least another year before you could easily change jobs - so do it now!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted about this years ago and the general advice I got was to go for it. ANd I think it was great advice. as long as the job does not involve travel, you'll be fine. you only really need one day off per cycle. Morning monitoring is very early so you should be at work on time. Also, if your first cycle does not work, I think it;s easier to take if you have something else in your life that is going well (ie an awesome new job). and if you do get pregnant, it will then be at least another year before you could easily change jobs - so do it now!!

This really varies from woman to woman and was not my experience. I ended having to take three full days off during the cycle. Plus monitoring, while early in the morning at SFGC, would sometimes affect my ability to get to the office for the very early meetings (SFGC starts monitoring at 7 AM, but sometimes I wasn't actually seen until 7:30, 7:45, so that plus the commute to the office meant I wasn't getting in until 9, 9:30 some days). I had to take two days off for retrieval because I had a bad reaction to the anesthetic and then a day off for the transfer. Plus, as PP noted, you don't get much notice, if any, for the timing of your retrieval and transfer. Is a new job going to be totally cool with you suddenly taking a day off, even if it's for a sick day (are you going to have any leave that early anyway?).

I know many women on this board are the tough it out, Type As, who work incredibly hard, long days - and that's great. But mixing that with the stress of IVF (and it IS stressful; trying to have a baby through ART is inherently stressful) then why do that to yourself? Could you do it? Sure. But why if you have a choice? And it sounds like the OP has a choice.

Also, I've heard the argument that millions of women get pregnant all over the world in stressful situations (war, poverty, abuse, famine, etc), and that's absolutely true. But if you are going through IVF it's because you are not like other women; you can't get pregnant "naturally". So I do think it's smart to take extra precautions and to go the extra mile to treat yourself gently and buffer as much stress as you can from your life. Obviously, you cannot prevent all stress, but why add to it intentionally?

[Anonymous]

This is OP, and PP thank u so much for your honest answer. I hate to admit it, but I think I agree. I think if I had found this opportunity in January and I was already there and had a report it would be different, logistically and stresswise it might be better to just pass this month and see what IVF is like and just go from there. My biggest stress to be honest is having unemployed time on the resume. But having a child is more important for every other reason. I just now have to figure out how to decline when I've already showed so much enthusiasm ...how to I even explain a change in heart?

[Anonymous]

I have not told my job. I have taken days as vacation day. Some days I took as sick days. I have no privacy at my job and a few moles. All our paperwork has to touch so many other hands for approvals. There is no discretion and my boss inappropriately shares information with other employees.

I have just been quiet and not volunteering for anything. That has helped. I am at a point where I say to heck with it all. I have given 100, sometimes 200% on this job. They should be able to deal with 80% for a while.

[Anonymous]

How close is the clinic to the job. My clinic was 15 min away so I could do early morning monitoring and get to work on time. I took ER and ET days off.