Confused about how much I should/shouldn't push potty training with 32 month old.

[Anonymous]

My DS is approaching 32 months old/just over 2/1 years. He is about to start part-time preschool after Labor Day and as of yet, he is completely un-potty trained. A few months ago he started showing all the major signs so we started sitting him on the potty in the morning and at night. He liked it for a while and went pee a couple of times. But then a few weeks ago he stopped showing any interest in sitting on the potty. In fact, he gets upset now when we suggest that he sit on the potty at all. So now we are back to nothing.

I've done a lot of reading about not pushing your kids before they are ready, but at the same time I can't help but feel that he ought to be at least showing some progress toward being trained by this point. I'm also feeling anxiety about him starting school and being much further behind on training than most others in his class.

So should I be at least making him sit on the potty twice a day? Or just wait it out until he wants to sit on the potty himself again? I seemed to get mixed signals on this in the reading that I've done. Also, I should mention that while he shows a ton of interest in peeing and pooping (likes to watch us do it, likes to flush, etc.) he does not mind at all having a dirty or wet diaper. In fact, half the time it is a battle to change his diaper every time it's dirty.

I'd appreciate any thoughts on the best way to approach this. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Does the preschool have any requirements? If they don't, I wouldn't push it yet - being w/other kids who are using the potty might provide some incentive in and of itself -

[Anonymous]

I'd either go whole-hog -- underpants, rewards, etc. -- or hold off completely. At this point, forcing him to sit twice a day does nothing but frustrate all of you, and it doesn't really teach him anything, since he understands what the potty is for, etc.

I'm a big believer in parent-led potty training, so I'd say to go for it, although I might wait until he's adjusted to pre-school. I do think too much change at once is tough. So I guess I'd give it a month or so and then once he's happily adjusted to school, start potty-training in earnest.

[Anonymous]

If it makes you feel any better, my son is exactly the same age and seems to be in the same place as your son! Once in a blue moon he asks to sit on the potty. He'll sit on the potty before his bath and he knows not to tinkle in a swim diaper in the house, but that's about it. He tells me he "loves diapers." We may try to break out the M&M rewards over labor day weekend, but with preschool starting and a new sibling due in October, I'm not totally committed to that either! I, too, am hoping that there's a bit of a herd mentality at preschool and he picks up some more motivation there.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the helpful feedback.
No, the preschool doesn't have any requirements right now - though he will need to be potty trained in order to move up to the next class at 3 years. Also, we pay less then, which is always a plus.
And yes - it is good to know that I am not the only one! Sometimes when you read all this stuff about averages and norms related to childhood development (most kids are potty trained by xx months) - it can make you one paranoid parent.

[Anonymous]

At this point there's not much you could do with the remaining week or so. If he's going to be in with kids who are potty trained, let peer pressure work its magic and then resume.

[Anonymous]

I really think you should just put him in underpants. He will have accidents, but no biggie. Ask that he helps you clean up and that he changes his clothes by himself with as little help as possible by you. Don't make it an issue. I bet this could be done, at least have him potty trained enough to have in in underwear the first day of school. This way, he won't feel out of place the first day of school. Which may set him back more. Usually, the teacher reminds and takes students to the bathroom the first couple days of school anyway. I have never seen a teacher require a child to go all by himself. So if he is already in underwear, it will be a continuation of what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

My DS is also 32 months and totally uninterested in potty training. He also starts PT preschool soon (where he doesn't need to be trained). We got him a potty and sometimes he is interested in sitting on it, but he's never gone in the potty and, honestly, I still don't have a sense that he knows before he needs to go.

I'm not pushing it yet - my sense with him is he tends to do things when he's ready so I can push for the next 6 months, or not push and wait until he's ready. Obviously, if this drags on, I may try harder but this is where I am now.

We talk about the potty and all that, have some books, etc...but we're not making it an "issue" which I sense could backfire.

Like your son, my DS sometimes cares that he has a dirty diaper and asks to be changed, sometimes he could care less and it's a battle.

[Anonymous]

My DS started preschool at 2.8 years (one of the oldest) and wasn't potty trained, nor were most of the boys in his class. At the end of the year when all the boys had turned three almost none were potty trained. The moms chatted about it quite a bit as we picked up the kiddos and most planned to train over the summer. My DS had no interest in the potty until he was 3.3. Boys typically train later than girls and the average is 3-3.5 so your DS is on the early side and you're actually in good shape.
I had tried everything, including bribery and nothing worked until he was ready, which happened all of the sudden... and then we were done and never looked back.
So I'm a big believer in waiting until kids are ready and keeping it low-key (to a point, obviously.... there does come a time when it's so obvious the child is ready and they need that push). Just wanted to reassure you that you're in good shape and most of my son's friends were not fully potty trained until 3-3.5. Good luck!!

[Anonymous]

3 - 3.5 years old.....gross.

[Anonymous]

OP here - thanks again for the additional responses. This is really good feedback to hear.
Like one of the PPs said - I also think that he doesn't have a sense yet of when he needs to go. He likes talking about the potty and reading the books (he requests one of his potty books all the time) - but I can tell that something just isn't clicking yet. I am hopeful that when he sees the other kids it will help jump start the process a little more.

[Anonymous]

I have a son who is nearly 3.5 yrs and is just now "getting it" after many many months. Do not push it. I don't know any boys who were trained before 3 yrs od age. Most were between 3-3.5 yrs. If the school doesn't require it, he might just get the idea from the other boys.

[Anonymous]

we just turned 3 (boy) and totally has no interest in the potty. He says no not today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a son who is nearly 3.5 yrs and is just now "getting it" after many many months. Do not push it. I don't know any boys who were trained before 3 yrs od age. Most were between 3-3.5 yrs. If the school doesn't require it, he might just get the idea from the other boys.

My son was trained at 2.8 yo. He's not advanced -- it happened because we (the parents) decided it was time and committed to it. We didn't wait for "readiness" signs or for him to tell us he wanted to do it. He had been sitting on the potty at night for a while and knew what it was for. So we just took him out of diapers, let him go bottomless, and broke out the M&Ms. They learn that they have to go when they aren't in diapers anymore; having accidents is actually helpful. We took accidents in stride and rewarded progress; we also understood that even after he was trained, he still needed us to prompt him about using the potty. There wasn't a lot of drama.

So, OP, if you want to train now (or soon after school starts), you absolutely can. But you have to drive it. If you don't want to, as others have said, your kid certainly won't be the only one in the class who isn't trained.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
PP - I think you have some good points. A couple of questions for you:
1. You said that your son had been sitting on the potty at night. Did you make him do it or did he want to do it?
2. When you went cold turkey and took him out of diapers - how long did it take with accidents before something started to register and you saw progress?

I ask because I actually did try this approach in early July for about 1.5 days. It was all accidents with no progress at all. He didn't seem to mind the accidents, didn't seem to recognize when he has to go and (now) doesn't seem even bothered by a dirty diaper. Also, at that point it occurred to me that we had a long vacation coming up with car travel, so maybe it wasn't the best time to be diving into that - and I retreated. Since then, it's been back to nothing.

I definitely don't want to be taking the easy (or hard, depending on how you look at it) way out of this, but everything you read says watch the signs and don't make it a battle or you will not win. It's seems so hard to gauge whether and when to push or not - which is why I posted!