Fear of being pregnant

[Anonymous]

I might be pregnant and I am scared. This would be my 3rd pregnancy. I already have a healthy child (after a normal pregnancy) and lost baby #2 at the beginning of the year. I have been going to meetings of people who have lost babies through miscarriage and other problems and now I know that anything can happen anytime during the pregnancy. I lost my innocence after I lost my 2nd child and I know that there is no safe time during a pregnancy.

I want to have another baby more than anything in the world, but I am afraid of losing another baby.

I think I am going to wait until my 3rd trimester to take a pregnancy test and go to the doctor. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How can I get over the fear? I cannot ask friends nor anybody because DH and I do not want anyone to know just yet.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

OP, I haven't been in your situation so I can't give you advice -- but I do urge you not to wait until the 3rd trimester to go to the doctor! If you are pregnant, your baby needs all the help you can give him or her and it strikes me that the 3rd trimester is a little late to go to the doctor.

If you end up miscarrying without having gone to the doctor, will it make it any less painful? You will still have to face the deeply painful fact that some life and death things are out of our control. Why not follow through on the things that you can control (seeing the doctor) and work on accepting those you cannot?

I'm so sorry that you have had to go through this and I wish I could make it better. My thoughts are with you!

[Anonymous]

OP here - sorry, I meant to say 3rd month, not 3rd trimester. Thanks for your words of support.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear about your loss. When did you lose baby #2?

I'm assuming you'll way till your missed period to take a PT test, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - sorry, I meant to say 3rd month, not 3rd trimester. Thanks for your words of support.

Great! It makes sense now.
Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - sorry, I meant to say 3rd month, not 3rd trimester. Thanks for your words of support.

I would not advise that. I would go to a dr and see a heartbeat to put your mind at ease somewhat and ask to be monitored more regularly. I had a late term miscarriage and you don't want to carry around a dead fetus for a long time, it can cause complications and infection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hear about your loss. When did you lose baby #2?

I'm assuming you'll way till your missed period to take a PT test, correct?

I am the OP- Thank you! Baby #2 stopped growing a few weeks after conception, but it was still a very sad and traumatic experience.

I already missed my period. I am several days late and feeling pregnant. I want to wait a little longer to take a PT test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - sorry, I meant to say 3rd month, not 3rd trimester. Thanks for your words of support.

I would not advise that. I would go to a dr and see a heartbeat to put your mind at ease somewhat and ask to be monitored more regularly. I had a late term miscarriage and you don't want to carry around a dead fetus for a long time, it can cause complications and infection.

OP here- Thank you for your input. I hope that this time I do not have to carry a dead fetus, but a live healthy baby.

[Anonymous]

A close friend miscarried last fall--went in for their second doctor visit/first ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. She conceived shortly after that and just had a healthy boy.

When the miscarriage happened, it was amazing how many of the other moms we know had miscarried and then fairly soon thereafter had conceived and had a successful pregnancy. There were so many encouraging conversations at that time. So do try to remember that it is fairly common to miscarry and then have a trouble-free pregnancy. If you do talk to friends, you may find that they've been through it as well and may be great support for you. Find support where you can.

Best wishes to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A close friend miscarried last fall--went in for their second doctor visit/first ultrasound and there was no heartbeat. She conceived shortly after that and just had a healthy boy.

When the miscarriage happened, it was amazing how many of the other moms we know had miscarried and then fairly soon thereafter had conceived and had a successful pregnancy. There were so many encouraging conversations at that time. So do try to remember that it is fairly common to miscarry and then have a trouble-free pregnancy. If you do talk to friends, you may find that they've been through it as well and may be great support for you. Find support where you can.

Best wishes to you.

OP here - Thank you so much for your words of support and well wishes!

[Anonymous]

I was in the same situation in terms of having a miscarriage in the first trimester. If you just look around this board and the TTC forum, it's really helpful to know how many, many women go through this.

I didn't have any friends that went through it at the time, but this board helped me and understanding just how often it happens. So you aren't alone by any means.

My advice would be to go in for blood tests to check your hormone level and then schedule a sono as early as possible. It's a huge relief to see a heartbeat - and decreases the chances of a miscarriage significantly.

Don't be afraid. I know it was very hard for me too emotionally, but you have to remember our bodies are 'smart' in ways that we cannot begin to even understand.

I wish you a healthy pregnancy. As a Mom you know that conceiving and pregnancy is just the beginning of much much more to come.

[Anonymous]

I've unfortunately had the same loss (m/c)- I actually wanted to know as soon as possible (but not too early to miss seeing the heartbeat) so I could just relax or not.. consider going in around 8 weeks at the earliest- most OBs won't let you in sooner anyway- and see the heartbeat- it will put you at rest-.. think +

[Anonymous]

I had one healthy child, 2nd pregnancy ended at 9 weeks, 3rd at 10 weeks, 4th at 14 weeks, and finally had 2nd child. It sucks., I will never get over it, neither will my DH. I was terrified the entire pregnancy. Never believed I would have a 2nd until I held him in my arms. My only advice to you is get a great doctor that understands where you have been and is fully backing you up on wanting a baby. If I had stayed with my doc, I would not have a 2nd baby. I try to think of my miscarriages as the same soul as the child I have that was not ready. Weird to some, but I have to get through loosing 3 babies some how, and this is what works for me. I will say this with out a doubt, if I had to do it all over again, I would. My little boy is precious and worth the heartache to get. I feel so bad for you it made me cry to read your post. Nothing anyone says will make you feel good about our pregnancy until you hold that little bundle of joy in your arms. I am going to pray for you tonight. Stay strong and talk, it does help. You need to find someone that understands your fear. It really helps. Someone that has never been there could never understand what you are going thru.

[Anonymous]

OP, there are lots of us who've gone thru similar experiences - I know b/c I posted here about various things (including the general post-m/c anxiety issues and some problems during the early part of my current pregnancy) and found that lots and lots of women who could offer support and positive feedback. M/c is such a traumatic experience, and as you said, it opened my eyes to how amazingly lucky it is to have a healthy pregnancy. While I'd never advise delaying or avoiding doctor's visits - the PPs make good points about why you should get checked out earlier rather than later - I do understand why you'd consider it. For me, maintaining a bit of denial about this pregnancy helped me get thru the fearful early weeks. Truthfully most of what you can do in the early weeks is just wait and see. But as someone now well into the 2nd trimester, it's definitely gotten much easier as time has passed. I still never forget that the worst can happen at any moment but I'm also so happy to have made it this far. Try waiting till 8w and then give yourself the gift of hope by seeing the doctor.

[Anonymous]

I waited till the end of my third month to go in for my first prenatal visit and it didn't harm anything. Most of what they do at the earliest visits is just advice, and since you've already had one child, you probably know that stuff by now. My reason for waiting was different than yours, because my pregnancy was unplanned and I wasn't sure I could keep the baby. I knew that if I saw on ultrasound or heard her heartbeat, I'd get attached and losing her would be much harder.

That said, if you want (or think you might need) to have the CVS (which in my opinion is a better bet than amnio because it happens earlier and you're less attached), there is a time limit on that - I think you have to have it by 13 weeks. Nuchal translucency test is time-limited as well, so make sure you have time to schedule either of those if need be. I missed the boat on both of those by waiting to see my doctor.

I don't know if this helps, but a number of my friends had miscarriages at some point, and all of them went on to have healthy babies afterward. Miscarriage is unfortunately quite common, but one miscarriage is not a pattern and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with having a healthy baby afterward.

Good luck!