Tell Parent About Nephew's Facebook?

[Anonymous]

I have a friend whose 12-year-old nephew has his own Facebook page. She was added as a "friend" and periodically visits his page to find out what’s new in his life. She recently noticed that some of his posts contain expletives, specifically the "f" and "b" words. She was surprised to see him use these words in his posts, as she has never heard him curse in her presence and is generally a polite and civil young man. His Dad has access to his page, but his mother does not.

She is debating whether or not to bring this issue to her sister's (his mother's) attention. More than likely, she will react negatively, instead of using it as a teachable moment to discuss how this language reflects negatively on his character. On the other hand, she feels like she would be tattling on him and violating his right to privacy.

WWYD? If you were a parent, would you want to know? Or should she just leave it be?

[Anonymous]

Myob.

[Anonymous]

Whenever my DH sees his nieces/nephews doing inappropriate things in FB, he talks to them directly.

[Anonymous]

1:08 again. I should also add that he has since been blocked from two of their pages. My perspective is, since we are the only aunt/uncle whom they have friended and if we got blocked then no one would be privy to their FB pages, that we should only intervene on the bigger issues. Cursing to me is not one of those. Things involving sex, drugs, etc would, especially since OP's friend's nephew is 12.

[Anonymous]

I have contacted my nephew directly. He's 16 (had facebook since 14) and he's always been really cool about it. Usually he takes down whatever it is I have called him on. He just sometimes needs to be reminded of the boundaries. He did block me from seeing his wall and when I asked he said it was an accident. He restored my access.

My niece (also 16 and FB for 2 years) is one I wouldn't contact directly. I call or text my brother what's on her page and he removes it for her.

[Anonymous]

I would not make a fuss over the "f" and "b" words. My 13 year old nephew used the word "de-rection" in a Facebook post recently and it gave me a lot of pause. I decided to let my husband handle it.

[Anonymous]

I am very interested in hearing perspectives on this, as I have thought about posting something similar. In my case, I am the aunt to a high school senior who has a twitter account permitting public access. Her Twitter account name is not her real name, but a spin on it- which I stumbled upon when she mentioned she no longer uses Facebook but something called Tumblr. Like someone else said, I thought it would be cool to see what she's into, etc.

I have never told her that I found her on Tumblr or Twitter. I have not told her parents that I found her on those accounts. I think I need to
1) tell her that I found her, and use it as an example for her to think about whether she wants to change her privacy settings.
2) decide whether to discuss with her parents, a la.... FYI....not sure if you're aware but she has those two accounts
3) bring up with her or her parents some things she's tweeted.

My niece is a great person and we have a fantastic relationship. I think she is testing boundries and I think that is totally normal for her age and recall doing the same things myself. We have had some basic discussions about social media and how information put out there can be detrimental (to your employment, relationships, etc). But I still think she needs more of a filter on what she is tweeting about or others are tweeting about her. Sorry to hijack, but I'd appreciate additional input.

[Anonymous]

Be careful how you tread bc he might just block ppl that tattle on his FB. Perhaps you should just tell the dad in a casual way or ask if he has been on FB lately....not sure how you would word it.

I urge any parent that has a child/teen on FB to have access to their account and constantly check them out. You learn so much from it and can nip so much in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Illegal or dangerous stuff I tell the parents. (Drinking - drugs)

Inappropriate stuff I do a personal message. I am usually pragmatic like - you know college admissions can see that or future employers may not understand lots of profanity on your FB page. Once it was something bully like and i said - you need to take it down and she did.

My neices/nephews are long distance otherwise I might do it in person.

[Anonymous]

Obviously the parents are aware that the kid has a facebook page with information they can't see- I'd just let it go and let the parents deal with it. If it makes you uncomfortable, unfriend the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1:08 again. I should also add that he has since been blocked from two of their pages. My perspective is, since we are the only aunt/uncle whom they have friended and if we got blocked then no one would be privy to their FB pages, that we should only intervene on the bigger issues. Cursing to me is not one of those. Things involving sex, drugs, etc would, especially since OP's friend's nephew is 12.

This. At 12, kids are experimenting with language. It's not like he's using those words to his parents or other adults. He's using them with peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1:08 again. I should also add that he has since been blocked from two of their pages. My perspective is, since we are the only aunt/uncle whom they have friended and if we got blocked then no one would be privy to their FB pages, that we should only intervene on the bigger issues. Cursing to me is not one of those. Things involving sex, drugs, etc would, especially since OP's friend's nephew is 12.

This. At 12, kids are experimenting with language. It's not like he's using those words to his parents or other adults. He's using them with peers.

Not true since adult/grandparents/aunts, etc. are friended.

[Anonymous]

Pick your battles wisely. Using bad language, especially when out of view of parents, indicates that the child knows that it is inappropriate language, but is experimenting with his independence. I would leave it alone, and maybe send a personal humorous note suggesting that he tone down his language.

I agree with PP that if a facebook post indicates that the child is doing something that could bring real harm to himself or to others (.e.g., getting into a car with a drunk friend, participating in bullying, posting inappropriate photos), then, yes, tell the parents.

[Anonymous]

I thought the minimum age for facebook was 13? Anyway, I would tell my sister and have actually done something similar. If my child was doing something like that and my sister finds out, I would appreciate her telling me. I don't think foul language on fb should be overlooked. Afterall, it's not only his peers that read his fb postings. It may start on fb but he might one day get bold enough to use it outside of fb.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious about how most parents handle FB account and their children (mine are still very young so not an issue for me yet). Do most parents require that their children have them on their friend list? And do most of you have their passwords? Maybe that is too controlling and I understand that teens want and need their privacy but it seems like since Facebook is such a public forum, its not really private anyway. Its not like reading their diary. I would think that most parents would want some access to their kids account to 1) protect them from harm and 2) protect them from making a fool of themselves. How do most of you handle this issue?