Enrichment Programs for the kids - How much is too much? Should there be a limit?

[Anonymous]

Need some opinion regarding the enrichmen programs for the kids. How much is too much? should there be a limit?

My hubby and myself share different opinion regarding the quantity of enrichmen programs. I believe it is great idea, but it should be balance with rest of her playtime while he believe is giving her all that is out there as long as we can provide the financial support. Our DD is currently 4 years old. She has at least 1 - 2 enrichment activities every day including sat and sunday. Her enrichments ranges from different languages learning (Chinese, Spanish, French), boosting of her acadamic (english and math), music, dance, karate, gymastic, soccer, swim...etc. Although these programs focus on different typic and have both acadamic and fun, but I still believe it is way too much for a 4 year old. I am afraid it will end up doing more damage to her learning experience. Her willingness to learn. She does not complain abut it, but is it really health for her? My and my hubby constantly having argument over how much is too much. He wants to enroll her more, anything he see out there that is different then what she have currently, and as long as there is no conflict, he wants to enroll her. I have been trying to say no and put a ceiling to it, but appearently have not been successful as you can tell her plate is "FULL". Am I being too concern? Or is he being too much? Should there be a balance? If so, where should the line be? Any advise is greatly appreciated as I am so exhusted of constantly fighting with him regarding her education.

[Anonymous]

IMO, no child should have 1-2 enrichment activities a day. That is extremely excessive. I would say a 4 year old shouldn't have more than 1-2 enrichment activities a week and let her choose the activities she really enjoys. At the rate she's going, your poor child will be burnt out by kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

A 4 year-old shouldn't have more than 1 to 2 a week. This is beyond excessive and could be damaging, if it is real. Its so extreme I even wonder if this post is real.

All of the activities will crowd out normal development. Your husband is turning your daughter into a project rather than a kid. My guess is that he's going to be competitive about her even more as she gets older. The fact that she 1 to 2 activities a day reflects a kind of compulsiveness that makes me wonder if he is suffering from some kind of mental illness. As she gets older its going to get worse because there will be more opportunities. She might make it through elementary school with this kind of schedule and pressure, but she won't make it much longer than that without something giving. I feel sorry for her.

Your husband needs therapy but my guess is that he won't be open to this so you need to find a good therapist to advise you about navigating this problem. A therapist will help you find better approaches for dealing with him and ways you can protect your daughter. You may also enlist a child development expert. Perhaps you can find a child psychiatrist and tell you that you are going to have your daughter evaluated because she seems gifted, or something that will appeal to him. Privately tell the psychiatrist your concerns. These evaluations usually involve a meeting with both parents to discuss the recommendations. At which point there is no doubt that the psychiatrist will advise your husband -- with a medical degree and experience to back it up -- specifically why this load is unhealthy for your daughter. Perhaps he'll take it from an expert.

Please don't just let this go because it will get worse as she gets older and you need to protect her.

[Anonymous]

I meant tell him you are having your daughter evaluated for giftedness.

[Anonymous]

OP - Is your husband Asian?

[Anonymous]

No one can legislate or even prescribe (like the PP) what is appropriate for a given child or family unit. There is so much variability from child to child -- based on DNA, biology, culture, language, religion, household, income, domicile, family and social network. In some families, both parents have time consuming occupations and therefore much of the activities for the children are highly organized, regulated and outsourced. In other family units, there is extensive parental presence, and or extended family presence, in the home and "enrichment" for the child is more "local" and familial.

[Anonymous]

A 4 year-old shouldn't have more than 1 to 2 a week. This is beyond excessive and could be damaging, if it is real. Its so extreme I even wonder if this post is real.
All of the activities will crowd out normal development. Your husband is turning your daughter into a project rather than a kid. My guess is that he's going to be competitive about her even more as she gets older. The fact that she 1 to 2 activities a day reflects a kind of compulsiveness that makes me wonder if he is suffering from some kind of mental illness. As she gets older its going to get worse because there will be more opportunities. She might make it through elementary school with this kind of schedule and pressure, but she won't make it much longer than that without something giving. I feel sorry for her.

Your husband needs therapy but my guess is that he won't be open to this so you need to find a good therapist to advise you about navigating this problem. A therapist will help you find better approaches for dealing with him and ways you can protect your daughter. You may also enlist a child development expert. Perhaps you can find a child psychiatrist and tell you that you are going to have your daughter evaluated because she seems gifted, or something that will appeal to him. Privately tell the psychiatrist your concerns. These evaluations usually involve a meeting with both parents to discuss the recommendations. At which point there is no doubt that the psychiatrist will advise your husband -- with a medical degree and experience to back it up -- specifically why this load is unhealthy for your daughter. Perhaps he'll take it from an expert.

Please don't just let this go because it will get worse as she gets older and you need to protect her.

Do you have any data of evidence to support this? Is this your anecdotal and your impression?

[Anonymous]

I am of the opinion that nothing is more "enriching" to a young child than unstructured time to explore his/her interests and imagination. That doesn't mean not providing them with some structured activities (my own 6 year old plays ice hockey, studies a second language, and will be starting music lessons during the summer), but it does mean setting aside time every day to allow them the time and space to be creative and imaginative. Join one less soccer team, and let him/her create their own game with their friends. Take one less art class, and simply give them a piece of paper and a pencil to create art. Study one less language (for now), and use the languages that they already know to write plays or stories.

The world of the future will be full of very intelligent people who are also extremely good at coloring within the lines. At the rate we're going, the world will have a desperate deficit of very intelligent people who also have the creativity and imagination to be able to innovate new products or services that nobody has ever thought of before. As with all other skills, creativity and imagination don't just happen. They have to be learned and practiced regularly.

[Anonymous]

...Your husband needs therapy but my guess is that he won't be open to this so you need to find a good therapist to advise you about navigating this problem. A therapist will help you find better approaches for dealing with him and ways you can protect your daughter. You may also enlist a child development expert. Perhaps you can find a child psychiatrist and tell you that you are going to have your daughter evaluated because she seems gifted, or something that will appeal to him. Privately tell the psychiatrist your concerns. These evaluations usually involve a meeting with both parents to discuss the recommendations. At which point there is no doubt that the psychiatrist will advise your husband -- with a medical degree and experience to back it up -- specifically why this load is unhealthy for your daughter. Perhaps he'll take it from an expert.

You are rather presumptious...have you ever been in therapy?

[Anonymous]

Glad to know my thinking is not off line. And yes, he is asian. Our DD already been through the evaluation and she definiately can be consider advanced or gifted which is why he has become extremely agressive on making her stand out even more. He is afraid if he does not do so, she will eventually become average. I do see her being a bright child and advanced, but I alwasy tell myself that every child in the parent's eye is the best and special. So who knows?! He is an extreme tiger dad and unfortuantely nobody seem to be able to stop him. I want her having an enjoyable and wonderful childhood since I was kind of missing out on it when I grow up. And most importantly, I feel social achievement and ability is far more important than acadamic achievement down the road. It has been difficult

[Anonymous]

The issues you express appear to go well beyond differences about child rearing. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

...Your husband needs therapy but my guess is that he won't be open to this so you need to find a good therapist to advise you about navigating this problem. A therapist will help you find better approaches for dealing with him and ways you can protect your daughter. You may also enlist a child development expert. Perhaps you can find a child psychiatrist and tell you that you are going to have your daughter evaluated because she seems gifted, or something that will appeal to him. Privately tell the psychiatrist your concerns. These evaluations usually involve a meeting with both parents to discuss the recommendations. At which point there is no doubt that the psychiatrist will advise your husband -- with a medical degree and experience to back it up -- specifically why this load is unhealthy for your daughter. Perhaps he'll take it from an expert.

You are rather presumptious...have you ever been in therapy?

Yes, I have. I have a child with a disability which is a different situation but produces its own stresses on a marriage. It has been very helpful for me to get support and advice on how we can navigate our challenges together, as parents. So, I do think I bring some experience to the table here.

Enrichment is a wonderful thing but there has to be some proportion and understanding that children learn most through play. OP's situation is clearly unhealthy and causing problems in the marriage. I stand by my recommendation for therapy. The tensions will increase, the pressures on the child will increase and this marriage is already strained. OP recognizes this, which is a great thing. I think she needs professional help tackling it.

[Anonymous]

Also, the fear that his child will become average is very destructive. This is a huge burden for her to bear, huge. Again, she's a child, not a project.

[Anonymous]

OP - sounds like DD is your DH's "trophy kid". Please get help for your DD ASAP. And don't reproduce with this jackass. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, the fear that his child will become average is very destructive. This is a huge burden for her to bear, huge. Again, she's a child, not a project.

I couldn't agree more. I do feel therapy is needed.