Issues with preschool
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Anonymous
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I have an issue with my DS's (4) preschool. The teacher keeps calling him the 'class clown'. DS has issues with following directions, sitting still and listening. He is also a very silly little boy. I understand that this can be frustrating because I also deal with it at home and we are trying the best we can and putting resources towards helping him understand when he can be silly and when he needs to listen and pay attention. It is not easy with a four year old. He has a lot of energy and is generally happiest outdoors. One of one, he does not exhibit a lot of these issues. He will sit at home and draw and color for 2 hours or do puzzles, look at books etc. But in an environment with more children (especially class room setting), he will act up. The teacher has been asking him in the morning if he is going to behave today or if he is going to be the class clown again. I told her that I do not like it and that she needs to stop. He thinks that it is his job to be the class clown because they say it so much. I find it inappropriate and I want it to stop, NOW. She disagreed. She said that he has been acting up more than normal during the last two weeks. I'm upset that they have never told me about this. I asked her why she did not mention anything and she said that she never sees me. My son attends an afternoon program so he is with a different teacher in the p.m. I work out of the home. I told her that she could have called me/emailed me or slipped a note in his bag or she could have pulled me aside during the morning drop-off etc. (lots of opportunities there). If I do not know about these issues, then there is nothing I can do about it. His father left on a deployment a little over a month ago and he has been dealing with the separation. He has started to have nightmares at night and he will wake up more frequently. He is also crying a lot more and telling me that he feels sad.
I have an appointment with his pediatrician to discuss his behavior and then we go from there. I really want to help my son. Right now, I feel frustrated and angry with his school. I understand that his behavior can be disruptive to their classroom setting, but it does not excuse belittling him in front of others. If the expectation of being the class clown is given, then he will act accordingly. I embrace my son's humor and silliness, but of course I do not want him to become the class clown. |
Anonymous
| Two weeks actually isn't that long a time to notice a change in behavior. And it doesn't seem surprising with the change in family life. I hope they are a little more accommodating but I wouldn't get too upset about their lack of communication yet. Lots of friends I know have had issues with their 4 year old. We joke about it all the time. Once after my son had a similar episode I was recommended to read "Your 4 year old, Wild and Wonderful" and it put things into perspective and I started enjoying the exurberance more while still following through with discipline. By 5ish like the book said a lot of that acting out went away. There are articles all over discussing why its bad to label children. Perhaps if you just offered other ideas it would help. Not saying its your job, but it might smooth things over and get your son the help he needs faster. I've read articles on Tools of the Mind and ADHD where they talk about executive function and ways to help children cope in a preschool setting such as making them the line leader or caboose a lot so they don't touch other children in line all the time. Are either Parenting Playgroups and PEP close to you? They have good parent sessions on this topic. Parenting Playgroups also has a class for 5-8 year old children where they work on Tools type executive function skills such as planning what you're going to do that day and then following that schedule. Unfortunately the best advice I've heard is to keep calm around your child and that may be hard to do sometimes without your husband. Maybe the school make the classroom more peaceful but if not I'd try not to get too upset about it and just act as rationally as possible with the school and your child. |
Anonymous
| I would be really angry at the reaction of the preschool teacher. Particularly with your husband on deployment, I'm sure it's related. Can you speak with the director? You need the school to support your family now, not accuse you of being disengaged because the teacher "never sees you." |
Anonymous
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Thank you for the information and the book recommendations. I really appreciate it. I will look into Parenting Playgroups and I have also scheduled an appointment with the pediatrician.
I told the teacher that I really need feedback from her so that I can help my son, but she went on the offensive and said that he is disruptive and she is really having a hard time with him. I can understand her frustration trying to lead a classroom and I want to help, but if nobody ever talks to me then I won't know and I cannot support him adequately. We had a great relationship with a different teacher at this school last year. She really worked with us and we saw so much improvement and growth in our son. She was almost in tears at the year-end teacher conference saying that it made her so happy that she was able to make such a difference in our son's life. But this year has been the complete opposite. I work out of the home while my son is in preschool and life is definitely not easy with a deployed husband and not having family around, but it is what is is and I'm doing the best that I can. I try to stay calm, but of course there are times when things get tough, but overall I think I'm doing a good job keeping the home and family together. I have not yet brought it up to the Director, but I was very firm with the teacher this morning and I told her that calling my son 'class clown' in front of the entire class will not be tolerated. If it continues, I will go to the Director or the Board. |
Anonymous
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Is there another fours class he could try? It doesn't sound like he is a good fit for this particular teacher.
Also, how much sitting down/still and listening is expected in a four year old's day? its not age-appropriate to expect a child that age to stay still and listen for more than a few minutes. |
Anonymous
| Definitely tell the director about the "class clown" comment. It's inappropriate. |
Anonymous
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Unfortunately, there is not another 4's class that he could transfer into and the school year is almost over. I have him enrolled in the 5 day program for next year, but now I'm worried that this might continue. I do think that there will be a different teacher next year, but I'm afraid that he might already be 'labeled' and he will not get a fresh start into the new year.
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Anonymous
OP, let me tell you about my "class clown". He was in PM preschool where he pretty much acted just like your DS. Teacher called him "disruptive", said he had "personal space issues" (in that he was in other's personal space). So similar, I wonder if your DS has the same teacher (but there's probably too many years in between). I went to the pediatrician who looked at me like I was crazy and said "He's 4". I'm going to bottom line it: 1) I found out the kid had a partial hearing loss, almost tone deaf in one ear and partial in the other - fixed that and it helped a lot (not saying that's your problem but I am saying do go the the pediatrician) 2) DS had a couple of birthdays - that REALLY helped a lot 3) Got out of PM class and into AM class, which was much better. 4) For K I put DS in a traditional style, Catholic parish school where he had really awesome teacher that understood sometimes 5 year olds act like 5 year olds but the structure, order and clear expectations worked wonders for him Today, DS is a junior engineering major at Duke where he received a huge merit scholarship. He graduated from Georgetown Prep with many AP's under his belt and a very high GPA. He is bright, articulate, motivated and STILL funny as hell. He was uber-popular all thru school because of his charming and funny personality. So, how do I feel about the Class Clown preschool lady... well, first off I think if she's going to teach pre-school she should probably learn a little more about child development. If I had it to do over again I would get my kid out of that school sooner than I did (oh, BTW, my DS was in a "top notch" preschool that parents would simply give their right arm for a slot). I had that first time mom thing of wanting "the best" and over-thinking the academics which worked to my child's detriment. I would get away from that place and find another school that is a better fit for him (after a trip to the pediatrician). Good luck, I feel for you. |
Anonymous
| As a teacher who works with 5 year olds, I can say that "class clown" behavior is nothing unusual. It's probably an attention-seeking thing and can happen for various reasons. No big deal. But teachers can make it a big deal by harping on it and making it a huge thing. Kids this age are still learning about proper social behavior in addition to figuring out how to make friends and be "popular" with other kids. A good teacher should work with this and view it as a social learning opportunity for the kids, not a disruption. |
Anonymous
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I'm so glad that I posted here and I appreciate the information. He has an appointment with the pediatrician next Friday and I have called a few other schools and set up appointments for tours. He is technically eligible for Kindergarten this year (late August birthday), but we were told that he is not ready (too immature). We are first-time parents and it is not easy to always make the right decision, but I have decided that I'm going to be my child's advocate and I'll will go with my gut.
Thanks again! |
Anonymous
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My first thought was that your son sounds like a pretty typical 4 yo. Second thought was that the teacher doesn't have the skills to handle a variety of preschool-age development levels. Looking for another program is probably a good idea. But I'd also recommend speaking to your current program's director now. Make clear that you're dealing with a deployment, and that the teacher's attitude your son's behavior isn't helpful (and that her response when you raised your concerns with her was inadequate at best).
Also, do you have any support for you while your husband's gone? It sounds like you're doing a great job on your own, but the deployments are tough. |
Anonymous
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I do not have much support here. My boss at work has been supportive. He allows me to work a flexible schedule (part-time, work at home etc.) while DH is away. I thought about quitting my job which probably would have made things a little easier for me, but we need the $$$ and I think it would look bad on my resume to have a gap and in this economy I really did not want to leave an otherwise stable position and then start looking for a new job in a year. I really appreciate him being so flexible with me because it makes it easier to plan my day. I try to be as organized as possible, but it is always a balancing act. I do have very nice neighbors who help with the yardwork etc. and one family has brought over food.
Other than that I try to hire a babysitter once in a while so that I can go get a haircut etc. But most of the time, it is just me and my DC. My parents live 4000 miles away and DH's parents are deceased. We do not know anyone here. Unfortunately, my parents cannot travel due to health reasons and also financial reasons. |
Anonymous
| How does your child do academically? I had a class clown in preschool (more as a 4 yr old than a 3 yr old). He learned to read very easily as a 3 yr old and would act up any time the class had circle time, etc. His teacher told me that she had many very smart boys do this. Who wants to talk about what words start with the letter "P" when you already know that. She said he would try to get the class to laugh at him, etc. Whenever she asked him a question, he always knew the answer whether or not he was even looking at the book she was reading. This happened in K too but now that he is in first grade, his maturity has kicked in. He still is miles ahead academically but he has grown up enough to know not to misbehave. |
Anonymous
| P.S. I just posted. Don't let people say the reason he acts like this is because you are essentially a single mom now due to your DH being deployed. People I know tried to tell me my DS acted like he did at school b/c he didn't have a male role model at home. That is crap. He fooled around b/c he was 4 and 5 and that is what little boys do. Go into nearly any preschool or K class and you will see little boys doing this. Also, don't let them tell you he has ADHD. I heard that too. Honestly, nearly every little boy looks like he has ADHD at ages 2-6. The preschool teacher shouldn't use the term "class clown" with him. If she had said that to my son, my son would've said, "Yes, I want to be the class clown!" without even understanding what that really meant. |
Anonymous
| Is his pre-school a play-based curriculum, or are they trying to introduce a lot of academics? |