Custody questions- abuse allegations...

[Anonymous]

I am sorry if this is the wrong forum but I was hoping for some advise for my friend who is about to be taken to court for joint custody of her almost two year old. What I want to know is what is necessary to prove abuse in court. I know that the father beat my friend and I need to know what would hold up after the fact. I have a saved voice mail of her calling for help and saw the bruises afterward, but I am worried that is not going to help. I also know he confessed to his parents about flying into a violent rage. He also caused a domestic scene in which the police were called.

any advise would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Does she not have a lawyer? And if not, why not?

[Anonymous]

If the police were called for a domestic disturbance, they were required to make a report of it and so that should be pretty good backup for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she not have a lawyer? And if not, why not?

she will be getting a lawyer, I am just trying to give her some peace of mind for now. She met with a mediator last week to determine child support and that is what spawned the child's father to come after her for custody.

[Anonymous]

Did she ever miss work? Did she document anything at the time? Even documents you create yourself are helpful in this context. If she missed work, note it. Did she seek medical care? Get those records. Did she file a police report? Get a copy. Has she seen a domestic violence advocate? Get their notes. If you saw the bruises, did anyone take a picture? A friend of mine introduced a recording in an OP hearing, so the voicemail you have is good. Once she speaks to a lawyer, they'll get her more clarity. And finally, was the child at home during any incident? (Didn't necessarily see it, but home at the time?) The court will want to know that.

[Anonymous]

Even if she can prove he was abusive of her, that may not have bearing on custody of the children if he is not abusive of the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she not have a lawyer? And if not, why not?

she will be getting a lawyer, I am just trying to give her some peace of mind for now. She met with a mediator last week to determine child support and that is what spawned the child's father to come after her for custody.

Warning -- judges HATE -- HATE -- hearing this kind of he said, she said crap. If you are in front of a judge on a custody issue, you are in front of a judge on a custody issue. They don't want to hear an argument like this.

[Anonymous]

Has he been violent toward the kid?

Tell the judge she's very concerned about her child's safety, and that she absolutely wants supervised visitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does she not have a lawyer? And if not, why not?

she will be getting a lawyer, I am just trying to give her some peace of mind for now. She met with a mediator last week to determine child support and that is what spawned the child's father to come after her for custody.

Warning -- judges HATE -- HATE -- hearing this kind of he said, she said crap. If you are in front of a judge on a custody issue, you are in front of a judge on a custody issue. They don't want to hear an argument like this.

Ok thanks for the tip, once she gets a lawyer I am sure she will feel more empowered. I don't think she would want to make that argument in court that he is doing it just for spite. He has not been abusive towards the child physically, just lashes out verbally.

Unfortunately my friend did not file a report at the time because he begged her not to so her didn't lose his security clearance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if she can prove he was abusive of her, that may not have bearing on custody of the children if he is not abusive of the children.

Not true!
See the Safe Havens grant program through OVW.

[Anonymous]

From OVW's site:
INTRODUCTION
The Safe Havens: Supervised Visitation and Safe Exchange Grant Program (Supervised Visitation Program) provides an opportunity for communities to support the supervised visitation and safe exchange of children in situations involving domestic violence, dating violence, child abuse, sexual assault, or stalking. Studies have shown that the risk of violence is often greater for victims of domestic violence and their children after separation from an abusive situation.(1) Even after separation, batterers often use visitation and exchange of children as an opportunity to inflict additional emotional, physical, and/or psychological abuse on victims and their children. Visitation and exchange services provided through the Supervised Visitation Program should reflect a clear understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking; the impact of domestic violence on children; and the importance of holding offenders accountable for their actions.

There is nothing in this that requires abuse of a child in order to get supervised visits based on domestic violence perpetrated by one parent over the other. There are sites opening in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From OVW's site:
INTRODUCTION
The Safe Havens: Supervised Visitation and Safe Exchange Grant Program (Supervised Visitation Program) provides an opportunity for communities to support the supervised visitation and safe exchange of children in situations involving domestic violence, dating violence, child abuse, sexual assault, or stalking. Studies have shown that the risk of violence is often greater for victims of domestic violence and their children after separation from an abusive situation.(1) Even after separation, batterers often use visitation and exchange of children as an opportunity to inflict additional emotional, physical, and/or psychological abuse on victims and their children. Visitation and exchange services provided through the Supervised Visitation Program should reflect a clear understanding of the dynamics of domestic violence, dating violence, sexual assault and stalking; the impact of domestic violence on children; and the importance of holding offenders accountable for their actions.

There is nothing in this that requires abuse of a child in order to get supervised visits based on domestic violence perpetrated by one parent over the other. There are sites opening in the area.

OP here, thanks for your post PP- I am just sick over this whole thing and really appreciate all the information I can get to help my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if she can prove he was abusive of her, that may not have bearing on custody of the children if he is not abusive of the children.

Not true!
See the Safe Havens grant program through OVW.

Supervised visitation and custody are not the same thing.

[Anonymous]

She needs to speak to a lawyer and prepare herself for joint custody. Judges will err on the side of joint, and without evidence, it's not going to be credible.

[Anonymous]

What state is this case in? In Virginia, the changed the law a couple of years ago that they can only consider abuse that occurred within a reasonable time frame before the custody case. I witnessed (and testified about) family physical abuse, but it was too old to be taken into consideration. They ended up with joint custody.