Custody questions- abuse allegations...

[Anonymous]

This is in Virginia, the first incident which was the worst one and I have the voice mail, that was a year and a half ago, and the most recent one that I believe has witnesses was four months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Even if she can prove he was abusive of her, that may not have bearing on custody of the children if he is not abusive of the children.

Not true!
See the Safe Havens grant program through OVW.

Supervised visitation and custody are not the same thing.

Yes, I know that. But supervised visitation is a way to limit custody and access. It's not that difficult of a concept. OVW and DOJ have programs funded throughout the country that train on this issue and say that custody can and should be limited to cases where there is abuse of one parent by the other regardless of whether there is direct abuse of the children, making that first statement utterly untrue.

[Anonymous]

OP,

Does your friend have a hearing date?
She should see an attorney ASAP. Not sure anything any of us post here will be helpful because there is so much we do not know and I would hate to give your friend false hope.
Your friend must know that courts often try to get parents to agree to joint custody so both parents remain in the child's life.
Also court battles can cost a fortune.

[Anonymous]

OP here,
He sent an email threatening to sue for custody and to evict my friend and their child (she is in the process of trying to move to a new condo by the end of the month.)

Would it be a bad idea for her to get a protection order? Don't want to add fuel to the fire, just want her to feel safe and for it to be documented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Does your friend have a hearing date?
She should see an attorney ASAP. Not sure anything any of us post here will be helpful because there is so much we do not know and I would hate to give your friend false hope.
Your friend must know that courts often try to get parents to agree to joint custody so both parents remain in the child's life.
Also court battles can cost a fortune.

Thanks no hearing yet, but she has been in touch with her lawyer today!

[Anonymous]

Yeah that she's been in touch with her lawyer!

A protection order for what, emails about custody and eviction? I doubt that would not fly unless he was threatening violence. When was the last incident, four months ago?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah that she's been in touch with her lawyer!

A protection order for what, emails about custody and eviction? I doubt that would not fly unless he was threatening violence. When was the last incident, four months ago?

she is worried about what he will do, he has been violent in the past without warning. She informed me that he just sent an email saying he was within his right to hit her because he was defending his home (in which she lived with her 6 month old son at the time.) Luckily he is not very smart...

[Anonymous]

Glad to hear your friend has met with a lawyer. What county does she live in? I am a domestic relations attorney and would caution her against following advice gleaned on this board. People want to help, which is great, but too often they advise how the law should be, rather than how it is. In addition to speaking to her attorney, your friend should also speak to the local DV service providers in her county, which you should be able to find through Google, or I can tell you if you post here again.

[Anonymous]

She lives in Vienna, I think it isFairfax County.

I appreciate what you are saying about free legal advise in his forum. I think right now she is upset and getting some outside perspective can give her some comfort while she gets a handle on this situation.

all communication will be done through her lawyer from now on, at least from her side.

I would love a recommendation for DV service provider if you think that will help.

[Anonymous]

Lawyer PP here: my basic point is that what you are getting here is really NOT the best perspective because there is a fair amount of misinformation. I feel like this may be coming across as snarky, but I truly don't mean it to be. I want to help your friend. I definitely think it is worth your friend's while to speak with someone who is not her attorney about what is going on. It is just that she needs to make sure her sources are reliable. To that end, here is the Fairfax County DV hotline: [phone]. They will connect her with some great county resources.

DCUM is a fabulous resource for a great many things. Legal advice is not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer PP here: my basic point is that what you are getting here is really NOT the best perspective because there is a fair amount of misinformation. I feel like this may be coming across as snarky, but I truly don't mean it to be. I want to help your friend. I definitely think it is worth your friend's while to speak with someone who is not her attorney about what is going on. It is just that she needs to make sure her sources are reliable. To that end, here is the Fairfax County DV hotline: [phone]. They will connect her with some great county resources.

DCUM is a fabulous resource for a great many things. Legal advice is not one of them.[/quote]

This. Please help her get in touch with people that can truly, reliably help her as family court and custody gets hairy quickly. The DV hotline is a great place to start. I wish I had been smart enough to call them.

-Former DV victim who now shares custody with my abuser because I didn't have proper documentation.

[Anonymous]

Thanks PP, I really came here for info like what you have given me, I think it is also helpful to know that some of what I might consider evidence is really useless in this case and to make sure to keep it to the facts.

I mentioned the protective order to her but with the stipulation that she ask the lawyer before moving forward with anything.

Thanks again

[Anonymous]

In addition to the DV resource pp mentioend, I would also suggest she look into the Women's Center (in addition not instead). It is in Vienna and has wonderful resources - counseling, education, etc. http://www.thewomenscenter.org/