Is my friend an alcoholic?
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Anonymous
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The other thread got me thinking about this.
Our kids are best friends starting this school year, so we have hung out on the playground almost every single day and catch up sometimes on the weekends. She is really nice, but she was overly familiar as soon as we met. Meaning she wanted to be best buddies and hang out all the time. She mentions alcohol at least 3 ties every single time I see her. Her house is a disaster-I am not judging-my house is a mess too, but I mean days worth of dishes (when she knew we were coming over) her glass door looks like it has never ever been cleaned, she doesn't work and her only child is in school so it's not that she is too busy. She always flakes out on plans, plans that she made, not me. She will offer to take my son on outings and then never show, won't answer calls, etc. she will send me text messages that are totally incoherent, not just autocorrect stuff either. Some days even my DH will say that she looks like she was out partying all night. And she makes a lot of comments about ordering her cocktails with a shot on the side "to make things happen faster". She offered me her pain pills last week and her dc says things referring to her drinking, like we are going home so mom can " wine it up" It has gotten to the point that I won't let her drive my dc anywhere, I usually just go to meet them. I had a gut feeling that something was off about her, but when she offered me her pain pills I knew we need to back away a little. It stinks becuase her kid is so sweet. |
Anonymous
| Most likely |
Anonymous
| It could be alcoholism, or depression or any one of a hundred miserable things, even spousal abuse. Have you been with her when she wasn't drinking? Even if it is alcoholism, there is nothing you can do about except provide stability and support for her child. Neighbors play an important role in the survival of children of addicts. |
Anonymous
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And she makes a lot of comments about ordering her cocktails with a shot on the side "to make things happen faster". She offered me her pain pills last week and her dc says things referring to her drinking, like we are going home so mom can " wine it up"
This is the only behavior that would make me say "DRINKING PROBLEM!!!!" Other than that, anyone can have a messy house, be a flake, etc. |
Anonymous
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Could be the pills too.
She sounds like a hot mess. |
Anonymous
| Can't jump to that conclusion. I need more info. Age, where is she from originally, where did she go to college? These sound random but I went to college in New Orleans, have tons of friends from there, am a complete housecleaning disaster. I am sure I make off handed comments about cocktails frequently, I know all my friends do. I drink once a month these days. The pain pills thing isn't very disturbing to me either, happens all the time she just didn't factor in her audience very well. I read people well so I would most likely restrict these comments around someone who seemed a bit more uptight |
Anonymous
Really, it is normal in your crowd to offer each other pain pills? I am not uptight and have a pretty relaxed view of drinking, thoroughly enjoyed college and my single happy hour bound days, experimented pretty heavily in drugs in my youth, etc., but there are many red flags in the description of this person. I would worry about depression or other issues and I agree I would not let this person drive my child anywhere. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
Really? I think when your kid knows they have to go home in time for mom to start drinking, that's a good enough sign by itself. |
Anonymous
| She definitely has a drinking problem, drug problem or both. I wouldn't leave my child alone at her house and definitely wouldn't let her drive DC. Casual drinkers don't regularly order their cocktails with a shot on the side. Add that to the incoherent texts and DC's comments, she definitely has a problem. |
Anonymous
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This was my main concern, letting her drive my child. I keep thinking about that mom who drove the wrong way on the highway. Honestly, I didn't care about the messy house until I started noticing the other red flags.
The pills thing was odd, but I had mentioned to her about smoking pot when I was younger |
Anonymous
| I wouldn't send my child to her home unsupervised. |
Anonymous
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Confession here. As I started reading your post, I was thinking you were writing about me. I talk about drinking a LOT. My house is a disaster. Luckily, when you started mentioning the coctail with a shot and the pain meds, I figured out it wasn't me since I do neither of those things.
Just a different perspective. Like I mentioned, I talk about drinking a LOT. But, when I do drink, I rarely finish my first glass of wine because I typically nurse it throughout the night. I think I talk about it a lot because it's a social venue, of sorts. It's easy to use that as a reason to get together?? Honestly, I don't know why I mention it - I'll also make comments like "Can't wait to go home and have a drink" or "Is it 5 yet? I'd LOVE some wine" Yet, again, I'll usually drink about half the glass and pour the rest down the sink after dinner or when I'm about to do something else. Obviously, all the other signs you mention aobut your friend would be worrisome, but from someone that absolutely does NOT have a problem, talking about drinking all the time doesn't necessarily mean there's a problem. P.S. my house is a disaster because DH and I split the chores and I refuse to do his when he slacks off - so the kitchen could look like a disaster for days and I will simply walk over the mess because it happens to be his chore. Don't know why I felt the need to explain this, but thought I'd throw it in. |
Anonymous
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What more evidence do you need? |
Anonymous
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Hahaha sorrym didn't mean to make you paranoid. I realize lots of people talk about drinking, and yes, my house looks like a bomb went off most days
There were just a lot more subtle clues, I can't really list them all. I talk about drinking a lot too, I can't explain it but this a different. |