Feeling so trapped, just need some kind words
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Anonymous
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I have been feeling so trapped lately...I work part-time and have 2 teens. One is a senior and we have been doing all the college preparation stuff this year including applications, essays, interviews, etc. The other is a middle-school student with ADD. This year my husband and I have kind of split our duties-I am helping the college bound teen, my husband has been working with the middle-schooler on homework, activities, etc. We are making forward progress, but I feel so exhausted and aggravated. Husband and teen bicker constantly, my senior fluctuates between clinginess, gratitude, and rebellion. Just the sound of my husbands' and middle schoolers' voices make me feel like I am going to jump out of my skin.
Intellectually I know that this situation is time limited and that I am very lucky to even be the parent of these kids....but I feel agitated and frustrated with all of them!!!!! My house is cluttered, one kid was home sick from school last week, one kid has a BF that I have concerns about, and the list goes on...... It is all too much!!!!!! I am in counseling to deal with some anxiety issues, but right now I just feel so tense and irritated! Thanks for letting me vent, and if you have a few kind words to throw my way, it would be appreciated! |
Anonymous
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hang in there.
can you have an afternoon or morning away? either reading at a coffee shop or manicure or whatever makes you feel relaxed? |
Anonymous
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Agreed, hang in there! Some thoughts:
- schedule fun time with your kids, rather than just interacting with them to accomplish goals. Go to an amusement park together, volunteer at a park to plant trees, or just take a long walk and catch up on fun stuff. - think of how lucky you are! Two healthy, thriving kids. Part-time work. A DH who is a partner to you and helps with the kids. Take 5 minutes every night before you go to bed to reflect on the things you are grateful for. Seriously, this works wonders. - Don't be too hard on yourself. You are doing right by your kids, but they are just kids. They will be trying and frustrating sometimes, but it's not because they don't love the heck out of you...they are just immature little beings who are sort of a mess until they hit, oh, 25 or so! Hope you feel less anxious soon, OP. |
Anonymous
| Can you shift more of the responsibility for applications to the senior? Have him come up with a timeline and ask that he give you two days to review apps before they are due? It's a scary time for him, realizing he will have to leave the nest, but it might be good to have him take ownership of the process, relieving you of some of the pressure. |
Anonymous
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Are you able to get exercise, outdoor time, and sleep, OP? You can't tackle these serious issues while running on an emotional/energy deficit.
Not your intention, I know, but thank you for reminding us with little kids to keep it in perspective. Little kids, little problems. . . |
Anonymous
| OP, let your teen be responsible for his own college app materials. It's about time and you don't need that aggravation. |
Anonymous
| Find a girlfriend to take you out for a day. (Left hubby home because we would just talk about kids problems- yes ADHD ) I did it on Friday and it was awesome. Kids with these issues are really hard and it does leave a parent feeling just stressed. |
Anonymous
| I hear ya. |
Anonymous
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Hang in there. It gets better. I've been treated for anxiety and the best advice is to exercise every day, without fail. Sometimes I just walk for an hour when I don't feel like a work out. It will make a world of difference- and they will survive without you until you get back.
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Anonymous
OP here, Thanks everyone for the encouragement. Feeling a little better after a long walk and a long bath. I do have alot to be grateful for, including all of you. 
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Anonymous
| Hang in there. I agree with the PPs about exercise and making time for yourself. I would also gently suggest you consider an anti-depressant. It's not uncommon for the feelings you descibe to become more pronounced when the seasons change. Something to think about. |
Anonymous
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Buy yourself an ipod and put those ear buds in when DH is helping the middle schooler or take a walk around the block.
Also, enjoy this last year b/f your senior is away at school. Hang in there and great job for getting this far! |
Anonymous
Can you hire a college student or high school senior to come to your house once or twice a week to work with your ADD middle schooler? I did that (granted my child is still in elementary school so it might be easier for him to accept the help). The high school student meets with my son every Sunday night and (a) does a "clean sweep" of his backpack to be sure it is set up for the week and garbage is out (b) reviews his planner with him to see what long term projects are coming up (c) listens to him play a few songs and scales on his clarinet (d) gives him a practice spelling test or reviews math facts. Just knowing she is coming once a week has taken a huge burden off of me and my husband in helping our son stay on top of things at school. I don't know if this would work with a middle schooler though. |
Anonymous
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My words to you are stop and take a deep breath, close your eyes, plug your ears, and just breath, do you hear that? You can hear God breathing with you. Those kids are His, He says THANK YOU FOR CARING FOR MY CHILDREN I KNEW YOU WOULD BE THE PERFECT MOTHER TO THEM, THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE AND UNDERSTANDING. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU AND I LOVE YOU. PLEASE SPEND MORE TIME WITH ME EVERY MORNING, READ THE WORD SO I CAN GIVE YOU RENEWED STRENGTH AND WISDOM. I WILL REFRESH YOUR TIRED SELF. I LOVE YOU.
go to www.ineedamom.info for family life coaching you will love it. |
Anonymous
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This too will pass.
Try to give each kid as much ownership of the process as you can---they WILL fail at least once, but that is kind of the point. They have to own the problems and the process. If kids weren't such a pain as highschoolers, we wouldn't want them to leave. It's preprogrammed. And you are a great mom. Much better than I was, so just keep breathing, it will work out. |