Capital Cotillion for Beauvoir Son

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just buy a manners book then. These classes don't teach anything. --- the former debutante, private school grad who also attended classes like this.

Not everyone feels the same way. Capital Cotillion is a class for dancing and a 5 minute manners lesson (how to write a thank you note, etc). I cannot believe how much is read into this. Go to the website and then go to one class and see whether it's as evil as portrayed here.

Signed,

a frumpy mom whose normal son goes to Capital Cotillion without serious repercussions to date but who will be on the look out.

Thank you! Both my sons (public school kids) did a year of Capital Cotillion, essentially at their request as they wanted to be with friends.

Here's what they got out of it:
a moderate level of comfort in dress clothes - don't love jacket and tie, but don't scream either.
an introduction to basic ballroom dance steps - may not be used again until they marry, but who knows...
familiarity with popular line dances - very useful during the bar mitzvah year
a moderate level of comfort with asking girls to dance with them
some familiarity with dancing with girls who are much taller than them - see #3
a few concrete tips on manners

No sense of superiority noticed, and the range of kids was large (public and private, about as diverse as their schools, no-one was obviously spending lots of money on the clothing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A sense of superiority and elite snobbery is exactly what these programs promote. That's why they advertise with "invitations" to kids who attend certain schools. I gag every time we get one of those in the mail. The best way to teach your kids manners is by modeling them yourself; that plus a little role-playing ("So, let's practice what you'll do and say when we introduce you to a friend of ours for the first time.") and encouragement is all it takes. These programs aren't about manners; they're about some 1950s-relic of an idea that you only want your children to associate with other people just like them. Get over it and join the 21st Century.

Hear, hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do have etiquette books and have used them for reference. They don't help "on the spot", nor could they have taught me how to at least look like I know how to dance with a partner. When the ballroom-type dancing starts at an event, we leave since we don't know how.

I am not sure where most of you are sending your kids to school, I know one of "the big three" names has been mentioned, but our school teaches these things in the 7th and 8th grade. They are taught not in a snooty or classist way, just in a "this is how you do it" way. In 8th grade on a Williamsburg field trip, dinner out gives the students the opportunity to use their table manners in a real setting. Dancing is taught as well -- waltzing, jitterbug, etc. as well as a lot of fun dances that often come up at weddings. This is a lesser known suburban school that teaches these skills as an enrichment class.

I am certainly on board with teaching manners (we teach them in our home and appreciate the support at school), but I do not want my child's valuable time spent at some cotillion prep, that appears to be somewhat of a throwback to a less enlightened time.

[Anonymous]

Good grief. It's one hour a month. A very funny Australian dance instructor teaches them a few steps of the fox trot or cha cha. Halfway through they get some cookies and lemonade. They have an innocuous manners lesson at the start. Anyone is allowed to sign up for it, so it certainly isn't exclusive.

[Anonymous]

To the PP who can't dance -- unleash your inner -Ginger Rogers and take lessons with your DH; it's fun!

To the many PPs defending these activities -- your argument seems to be that it's no big deal because your kids didn't learn all that much. If that's so, then why shell out all that money? This is not a rhetorical question; I'm really curious about the reason. Having been through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah year with my oldest, I can tell you that the kids do have fun even if they're not prepped in advance. Wearing the boy-uniform of blazer, tie and khaki pants is not that complex, nor is learning how to do the Cotton-Eyed Joe or the Macarena. As for the girls, there's obviously no issue about dressing up, and they've learned how to do all the line dances at sleepovers. Finally, I hate to disillusion anyone, but middle schoolers and high schoolers don't ballroom dance anymore, so you don't have to worry that your kid will be the only one who can't do the box step.

These phony-boloney cotillions for the masses may not be as insidious as some here have suggested, but I still don't get why anyone would spend their money, their kid's time and their own time schlepping the kid to and from the event. Even if you feel like one of the Beverly Hillbillies yourself, a "five-minute manners lesson" -- quoting a PP who defended Capital Cotillion -- is probably something you could manage yourself in the privacy of your own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the PP who can't dance -- unleash your inner -Ginger Rogers and take lessons with your DH; it's fun!

To the many PPs defending these activities -- your argument seems to be that it's no big deal because your kids didn't learn all that much. If that's so, then why shell out all that money? This is not a rhetorical question; I'm really curious about the reason. Having been through the Bar/Bat Mitzvah year with my oldest, I can tell you that the kids do have fun even if they're not prepped in advance. Wearing the boy-uniform of blazer, tie and khaki pants is not that complex, nor is learning how to do the Cotton-Eyed Joe or the Macarena. As for the girls, there's obviously no issue about dressing up, and they've learned how to do all the line dances at sleepovers. Finally, I hate to disillusion anyone, but middle schoolers and high schoolers don't ballroom dance anymore, so you don't have to worry that your kid will be the only one who can't do the box step.

These phony-boloney cotillions for the masses may not be as insidious as some here have suggested, but I still don't get why anyone would spend their money, their kid's time and their own time schlepping the kid to and from the event. Even if you feel like one of the Beverly Hillbillies yourself, a "five-minute manners lesson" -- quoting a PP who defended Capital Cotillion -- is probably something you could manage yourself in the privacy of your own home.

I'm the PP you're quoting. I don't know why I need to justify my expense, but since everything is game on this board, okay: My son likes to go actually. Half the kids in his grade were going, and so I thought, "Okay, I'll take a look." He liked it, and so we go. In terms of it being hifalutin and elitist and encouraging some sort of superiority complex, I simply disagree. Maybe you can question why I think it's sweet watching him dance or watching him rush to the cookie table to get his snack. But I'm pretty secure in my choices and feel my heart and head are usually in the right place when it comes to him. He hasn't suffered any trauma (not from Capital Cotillion, at least). So, we'll do it until he tires of it. Then it's off to some other phony-boloney activity, I guess.

[Anonymous]

The foxtrot? The jitterbug? The cha-cha? What century are you people living in??? Who the hell under the age of 60 does those dances anymore? Are you all really that . . . . sqare?

[Anonymous]

I'm 33 and I cha cha!

[Anonymous]

If the cap fits . . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The foxtrot? The jitterbug? The cha-cha? What century are you people living in??? Who the hell under the age of 60 does those dances anymore? Are you all really that . . . . sqare?

LOL, this is so freakin' funny. Why would I pay good money to sign my AA son up for this?

[Anonymous]

I'm the cha cha poster. Although I love to cha cha, I would still never go to the Cotillion, nor would I probably ever be invited. I agree, the foxtrot and jitterbug belong in the past. But IMO cha cha is right up there with tango and samba, and those are far from square.

[Anonymous]

13:25 -- Fair enough -- if your kid likes it, whatever floats his boat, though I must say you are the only person I've ever heard whose son wanted to attend Capital Cotillion. Most of the boys I know were either bribed or forced to participate. Interestingly, the CC folks have now launched a new enterprise offering events for teens. I had a hilarious conversation with my son and one of his buddies when we got the invitation in the mail. I asked them if they knew anyone who would want to go and they proceeded to lead me through the taxonomy of high school types (pretty much what it was like back in the '70s), concluding that nobody would be interested in the cruise down the Potomac or formal dance with supper to follow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:13:25 -- Fair enough -- if your kid likes it, whatever floats his boat, though I must say you are the only person I've ever heard whose son wanted to attend Capital Cotillion. Most of the boys I know were either bribed or forced to participate. Interestingly, the CC folks have now launched a new enterprise offering events for teens. I had a hilarious conversation with my son and one of his buddies when we got the invitation in the mail. I asked them if they knew anyone who would want to go and they proceeded to lead me through the taxonomy of high school types (pretty much what it was like back in the '70s), concluding that nobody would be interested in the cruise down the Potomac or formal dance with supper to follow.

Yup, most of the boys I know were also bribed into going. I can't imagine any boy voluntarily attending CC.

My teen looked at me strangely after I asked him if any of his friends had attended cotillion events.

[Anonymous]

Well, you don't have imagine anymore because my son wasn't bribed! To each his own. Just asked him again to check, "XXX, do you want to go to Capital Cotillion next year?" and the answer, "Yeah sure." Maybe something's wrong with him...but I don't think so.

[Anonymous]

Two more volunteer males from my family. They each saw it as an opportunity to meet girls from other schools.