What's the Most Obnoxious Thing You've Heard a Parent Say at Your DC's Private School?

[Anonymous]

22:20, you are right, many folks of means do not like it when someone dares speak truth to power.

[Anonymous]

It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Uh oh! There should be a warning at the front page of DCUM... talk privilege at your own risk. I support everything you say here. Unfortunately, we are in the minority on this site in terms of understanding what privilege is and how it functions.

The same rules apply to race... when someone makes a racist comment, it's not the initial comment that is the problem, but the reaction to it that is. Being racist is okay... but calling out racism... THAT is where the conversations get awkward.

[Anonymous]

``Uh oh! There should be a warning at the front page of DCUM... talk privilege at your own risk. I support everything you say here. Unfortunately, we are in the minority on this site in terms of understanding what privilege is and how it functions''

as it should be, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Someone seemed to jump to a conclusion there, PPs. The definition of the word "vulgar" used in my postings was not "common, like one of the masses" as one of PP assumed rather, "offensive to good taste." I never considered the use of the word vulgar as an epithet; just a descriptive adjective. I certainly can understand your harsh reaction if you thought that was the definition I chose to use. I think it is in poor taste to talk or ask about money with casual school acquaintances. When it is necessary and appropriate, I ask, "Do you mind my asking..."

Also, what makes you think that the PPs don't have to think about money just because PPs consider it rude?

Could you please explain your comment "just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race?" How are you interpreting comments regarding about manners to race relations? I am really interested because it sounds to me as though you may have a preconceived notion what the socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds are of the people's posts you reference based on a conversation on manners? Enlighten me.

[Anonymous]

I don't know where you come from, but where I come from, it's never "okay" to be racist nor is it "okay" to make a racist comment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Uh oh! There should be a warning at the front page of DCUM... talk privilege at your own risk. I support everything you say here. Unfortunately, we are in the minority on this site in terms of understanding what privilege is and how it functions.

The same rules apply to race... when someone makes a racist comment, it's not the initial comment that is the problem, but the reaction to it that is. Being racist is okay... but calling out racism... THAT is where the conversations get awkward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where you come from, but where I come from, it's never "okay" to be racist nor is it "okay" to make a racist comment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Uh oh! There should be a warning at the front page of DCUM... talk privilege at your own risk. I support everything you say here. Unfortunately, we are in the minority on this site in terms of understanding what privilege is and how it functions.

The same rules apply to race... when someone makes a racist comment, it's not the initial comment that is the problem, but the reaction to it that is. Being racist is okay... but calling out racism... THAT is where the conversations get awkward.

I'm not talking about blatant racism. But I have often been in situations where someone makes an unchecked/unchallenged "ouch" statement. Such as family dinners where an elder relative says, "I'm just glad so-and-so decided to date a nice Catholic boy this time." When I speak up in contest of these, the reaction seems to be that I am the troublemaker, suddenly bringing up the controversial/sensitive topic. In reality, most people probably recognize that the initial statement wasn't okay, but it usually just goes unchallenged, because people don't want to deal with the awkwardness of having to talk about these issues and potentially call someone out.

That's just one example and I'm sure there are many more. I've seen it on the board here and it's the general way discourse is handled. The "troublemakers" are the ones who make issues of wrongful statements moreso than the ones making the initial troublesome statements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Someone seemed to jump to a conclusion there, PPs. The definition of the word "vulgar" used in my postings was not "common, like one of the masses" as one of PP assumed rather, "offensive to good taste." I never considered the use of the word vulgar as an epithet; just a descriptive adjective. I certainly can understand your harsh reaction if you thought that was the definition I chose to use. I think it is in poor taste to talk or ask about money with casual school acquaintances. When it is necessary and appropriate, I ask, "Do you mind my asking..."

Also, what makes you think that the PPs don't have to think about money just because PPs consider it rude?

Could you please explain your comment "just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race?" How are you interpreting comments regarding about manners to race relations? I am really interested because it sounds to me as though you may have a preconceived notion what the socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds are of the people's posts you reference based on a conversation on manners? Enlighten me.

Um, what? Nowadays, it is generally not considered vulgar for wealth people to sit around and talk about money. They are the part of the culture of power and, as such, nothing they do is wrong. It certainly makes people feel uncomfortable, but who cares about THOSE people? If someone else speaks up to express discomfort about the "excess" conversation going on, suddenly THEY are the vulgar ones.

This is how power dynamics work and how privilege works. Group norms are set by the people in power. Generally that is upper-class white folks (usually male). Their actions are their norm and any derivation from that is wrong or vulgar. Unfortunate reality, but reality nonetheless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where you come from, but where I come from, it's never "okay" to be racist nor is it "okay" to make a racist comment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Uh oh! There should be a warning at the front page of DCUM... talk privilege at your own risk. I support everything you say here. Unfortunately, we are in the minority on this site in terms of understanding what privilege is and how it functions.

The same rules apply to race... when someone makes a racist comment, it's not the initial comment that is the problem, but the reaction to it that is. Being racist is okay... but calling out racism... THAT is where the conversations get awkward.

I'm not talking about blatant racism. But I have often been in situations where someone makes an unchecked/unchallenged "ouch" statement. Such as family dinners where an elder relative says, "I'm just glad so-and-so decided to date a nice Catholic boy this time." When I speak up in contest of these, the reaction seems to be that I am the troublemaker, suddenly bringing up the controversial/sensitive topic. In reality, most people probably recognize that the initial statement wasn't okay, but it usually just goes unchallenged, because people don't want to deal with the awkwardness of having to talk about these issues and potentially call someone out.

That's just one example and I'm sure there are many more. I've seen it on the board here and it's the general way discourse is handled. The "troublemakers" are the ones who make issues of wrongful statements moreso than the ones making the initial troublesome statements.

I completely agree, PP. But unfortunately, those making the initial comments don't perceive themselves as being racist. So when they're called on it, they become defensive. It's like trying to teach a 10 yo the basics of calculus. . . ain't gonna happen in most cases.

Until people start to recognize their own belief system, racism (discrimination in general) will always exist. But it takes time. Some are ready; others aren't. And unless there's a desire to change, most will take the defensive side and refuse to make any changes. Why should they?

I say to keep questioning people. Whether people change or not after being questioned, if you get a negative reaction, you've hit a nerve! worth it in my book!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a luxury not to have to think/talk about money -- just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race. These have always been class/status-based norms, which is why "vulgar" (i.e. common, like one of the masses) is the epithet tossed at those who do mention money.

"We" don't speak of these things because doing so would open up a can of worms for "us." It's all merit and gentility that got "us" where "we" are, baby!

Someone seemed to jump to a conclusion there, PPs. The definition of the word "vulgar" used in my postings was not "common, like one of the masses" as one of PP assumed rather, "offensive to good taste." I never considered the use of the word vulgar as an epithet; just a descriptive adjective. I certainly can understand your harsh reaction if you thought that was the definition I chose to use. I think it is in poor taste to talk or ask about money with casual school acquaintances. When it is necessary and appropriate, I ask, "Do you mind my asking..."

Also, what makes you think that the PPs don't have to think about money just because PPs consider it rude?

Could you please explain your comment "just like it's a form of privilege to ignore race?" How are you interpreting comments regarding about manners to race relations? I am really interested because it sounds to me as though you may have a preconceived notion what the socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds are of the people's posts you reference based on a conversation on manners? Enlighten me.

I'm perfectly willing to believe that you invokved a cliche ("It's vulgar to talk about money") without fully understanding its connotations and etymology. But I'm right about what the cliche means and how it works.

Re race -- I'm making an analogy, not referencing particular posts or posters in this thread. I just thought that the kind of argument I was making (re class/status-based norms representing themselves as universals)
might be familiar to people from discussions of race -- where it's not uncommon to see the suggestion that the embrace of "color-blindness" as an ideal is basically a form of white privilege. Basically, when you're white it's easier (and often more flattering!) to contend that race doesn't matter; just as when you're affluent, it's easier to see money as not-an-issue-worth-mentioning.

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid I only made it through six pages, so apologies if this has been covered already:

The Redneck Riviera is most definitely the Gulf Coast. Google it. They even have maps.

The financial aid as "gift": Bullshit. It is earned. Do you feel that you have no right to question what goes on at your work, because they're making you the "gift" of a salary? No. You deserve to be there, you deserve to contribute, even if your contribution sometimes takes the form of criticism. Agree with others who've said that it's disgusting to put the FA family in a different category.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid I only made it through six pages, so apologies if this has been covered already:

The Redneck Riviera is most definitely the Gulf Coast. Google it. They even have maps.

The financial aid as "gift": Bullshit. It is earned. Do you feel that you have no right to question what goes on at your work, because they're making you the "gift" of a salary? No. You deserve to be there, you deserve to contribute, even if your contribution sometimes takes the form of criticism. Agree with others who've said that it's disgusting to put the FA family in a different category.

Financial aid in grants, especially if not merit-based, are not earned. They are gifts. Look up the word "grant."

[Anonymous]

This argument has already taken place, re-read this hideous thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm afraid I only made it through six pages, so apologies if this has been covered already:

The Redneck Riviera is most definitely the Gulf Coast. Google it. They even have maps.

The financial aid as "gift": Bullshit. It is earned. Do you feel that you have no right to question what goes on at your work, because they're making you the "gift" of a salary? No. You deserve to be there, you deserve to contribute, even if your contribution sometimes takes the form of criticism. Agree with others who've said that it's disgusting to put the FA family in a different category.

Financial aid in grants, especially if not merit-based, are not earned. They are gifts. Look up the word "grant."

So in other words, financial aid (grant) recipients should be quiet, submissive, and grateful to their benefactors as they have no rights/voice within the community of the school. Should they also shine your shoes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This argument has already taken place, re-read this hideous thread.

Yup -- I called this one right in post #2. Nothing you hear IRL can compete with the nastiness routinely on display here.