What's the Most Obnoxious Thing You've Heard a Parent Say at Your DC's Private School?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, talking money while I grew up was considered vulgar. I wish it was true today. Sadly, people attempt to flaunt it in DC for whatever their personal reasons. Many families at my kids' schools flaunt luxurious vacations to other continents, cell phones, expensive jewelry, club memberships, equestrian pursuits, designer clothes & live-in nannies. Some of those are on FA. In moments of weakness, I am very resentful of all parents' decisions to flaunt these luxuries in front of those who can't afford them. My kids are instructed to give to those who have less. They have asked me how come some people who have less actually have more than they do. I tell them MYOB.

Your school obviously has some serious issues with corruption or competence. Either that or you are totally crazy.

[Anonymous]

Mother of a boy who had just been asked to leave one of the "Big 3" schools asked where DS was applying. I named STA, Sidwell, and GDS (which includes the school her DS had just left).

She raised her eyebrows and said, "Those are all *very* top schools," as if I didn't know.

The implication was that DS was aiming too high and had no safety schools. DS got into all three.

[Anonymous]

Fellow mother at the MoCo public school where we both have children attending, learned that DS would moving to STA next year.

"They'll eat you alive," she said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, talking money while I grew up was considered vulgar. I wish it was true today. Sadly, people attempt to flaunt it in DC for whatever their personal reasons. Many families at my kids' schools flaunt luxurious vacations to other continents, cell phones, expensive jewelry, club memberships, equestrian pursuits, designer clothes & live-in nannies. Some of those are on FA. In moments of weakness, I am very resentful of all parents' decisions to flaunt these luxuries in front of those who can't afford them. My kids are instructed to give to those who have less. They have asked me how come some people who have less actually have more than they do. I tell them MYOB.

Your school obviously has some serious issues with corruption or competence. Either that or you are totally crazy.

Nice, PP. School is not corrupt or incompetent so, I must be totally crazy. Thank you so much for the clarification...what a relief to have that one cleared up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fellow mother at the MoCo public school where we both have children attending, learned that DS would moving to STA next year.

"They'll eat you alive," she said.

Why is this obnoxious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fellow mother at the MoCo public school where we both have children attending, learned that DS would moving to STA next year.

"They'll eat you alive," she said.

Why is this obnoxious?

Who cares? The quote doesn't count if from the lips of a public school mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, talking money while I grew up was considered vulgar. I wish it was true today. Sadly, people attempt to flaunt it in DC for whatever their personal reasons. Many families at my kids' schools flaunt luxurious vacations to other continents, cell phones, expensive jewelry, club memberships, equestrian pursuits, designer clothes & live-in nannies. Some of those are on FA. In moments of weakness, I am very resentful of all parents' decisions to flaunt these luxuries in front of those who can't afford them. My kids are instructed to give to those who have less. They have asked me how come some people who have less actually have more than they do. I tell them MYOB.

Your school obviously has some serious issues with corruption or competence. Either that or you are totally crazy.

Nice, PP. School is not corrupt or incompetent so, I must be totally crazy. Thank you so much for the clarification...what a relief to have that one cleared up!

Cool. No problem. I suggest you seek professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, talking money while I grew up was considered vulgar. I wish it was true today. Sadly, people attempt to flaunt it in DC for whatever their personal reasons. Many families at my kids' schools flaunt luxurious vacations to other continents, cell phones, expensive jewelry, club memberships, equestrian pursuits, designer clothes & live-in nannies. Some of those are on FA. In moments of weakness, I am very resentful of all parents' decisions to flaunt these luxuries in front of those who can't afford them. My kids are instructed to give to those who have less. They have asked me how come some people who have less actually have more than they do. I tell them MYOB.

Your school obviously has some serious issues with corruption or competence. Either that or you are totally crazy.

Nice, PP. School is not corrupt or incompetent so, I must be totally crazy. Thank you so much for the clarification...what a relief to have that one cleared up!

Cool. No problem. I suggest you seek professional help.

You are an #$$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Students, here's an analogy to help you understand the manners of complaining about food: If you are somebody's guest at a restaurant, it is not gracious for you to point out that your steak is a bit tough. If you are the host paying for the dinner, you may complain to the waiter, chef, or manager.

What if you're paying with a really good coupon?

Or maybe you're a famous person who was invited to eat at the restaurant for free because of what you add to the community?

Or maybe it's "buy one, get one free day" and you and your friend agreed that it's her turn to pay and you'd pay next week?

What's the ettiquette in that case?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fellow mother at the MoCo public school where we both have children attending, learned that DS would moving to STA next year.

"They'll eat you alive," she said.

Why is this obnoxious?

Who cares? The quote doesn't count if from the lips of a public school mom.

If it doesn't count "from the lips of a public school mom," does anything count from the lips of a FA mom?

[Anonymous]

The problem with the "talking about money is vulgar" meme nowadays is it only goes one way. It's fine for the well-off to flaunt their luxuries. But if the 'other half' (really other 99%) talk about their struggles suddenly THEY are the vulgar ones for being such downers and making everyone feel awkward.

So, wealthy people are allowed to talk all they want about their excess. Middle- and lower-class people are considered vulgar to talk about their situations, because it brings to light the disparities in wealth/income that DO exist, and who wants to think about THAT?

This is obviously a gross over-generalization, but in my experience, it demonstrates the mindset that pervades most conversations ABOUT conversations about money.

[Anonymous]

I guess one of the most obnoxious things I hear is from a mom who does bring her camera to school events and uses it but also orders (not asks) me to "come here and take a picture of [her son]" just because I have a professional camera. No "please," no "thanks." Afterwards, I get an e-mail or phone call asking me to e-mail multiple pictures, such as "the one of [her son] standing next to [his English teacher]." Funny thing is, she was taking photos with her camera at the same time, so her son is smiling at his mom's camera in all the shots she's asking me to e-mail, not smiling in my camera's direction at all. After I e-mail the photos in separate e-mails because the files are so big, do I get an e-mail of thanks. Not a word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, wealthy people are allowed to talk all they want about their excess.

I don't think this is true, but I do realize I'm old-fashioned. I think many people still believe it's quite vulgar to flaunt excess; it's one thing to drive a fancy car, it's another to talk about the great relationship you have with the dealer because you get a new one every year. Truthfully, good quality in art or furnishings or even clothing costs a lot: people can tell how much money you spent on something by its quality, and talking about it is rude because you're either fishing for compliments or you're assuming the person you're talking to can't recognize the value on their own (and is therefore not your social peer). And, when you do get complimented on something (a new sofa, for example) the expected response is 'thank you, we're very pleased with it, we looked for x months and were happy to find something that suited us' not 'thanks, it cost xx dollars and is made of hand-dyed wool by an elite Italian designer' (or whatever).

I do agree, though, that middle-class and working-class social norms are both more lenient toward talking about how much things cost and/or what kinds of things you can or can't afford. Among working or middle class friends, it would be completely normal to talk about how much a vacation cost and whether you thought you got a good value for your money at the hotel or resort; in other circles, you are expected to know how much things cost, and you wouldn't evaluate the quality of a vacation or recommend a location based on how much you thought it was really worth. You might allude to it by talking about the relative quality of the service or the variety of the menu or the quality of the views or nearness to the beach or whatever, but the conversation would be framed around your preferences not around what you gained for what you spent. In working class and middle class communities, people and families gain reputation and value by knowing how and where to make limited funds stretch as much a possible for the best outcomes; in wealthier circles, reputation and value are gained by not having any indication that you need to worry about it.

[Anonymous]

I agree--well played and very, very true.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear 18:13,

Thank you for seeking my insight. In my opinion, the person with the poor manners was actually the person who saw fit to mention that an "FA family" was involved. The poster implied that the complaint/criticism about the food was somehow less credible or important because it was lodged by someone of lesser financial means. I must say that I was absolutely horrified by such an implication, because it was so gauche, so crude and so very rude! Might I suggest that the poster improve her manners by reading one of my books?

Sincerely,
Miss Manners

Anonymous wrote:Miss Manners poster, please clarify: is it inappropriate for all parents to relay their children's criticism of a school's food, grounds, course offerings to another parent, or only parents with children receiving FA?

Well played, Miss M (and substantively correct as well).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, wealthy people are allowed to talk all they want about their excess.

I don't think this is true, but I do realize I'm old-fashioned. I think many people still believe it's quite vulgar to flaunt excess; it's one thing to drive a fancy car, it's another to talk about the great relationship you have with the dealer because you get a new one every year. Truthfully, good quality in art or furnishings or even clothing costs a lot: people can tell how much money you spent on something by its quality, and talking about it is rude because you're either fishing for compliments or you're assuming the person you're talking to can't recognize the value on their own (and is therefore not your social peer). And, when you do get complimented on something (a new sofa, for example) the expected response is 'thank you, we're very pleased with it, we looked for x months and were happy to find something that suited us' not 'thanks, it cost xx dollars and is made of hand-dyed wool by an elite Italian designer' (or whatever).

I do agree, though, that middle-class and working-class social norms are both more lenient toward talking about how much things cost and/or what kinds of things you can or can't afford. Among working or middle class friends, it would be completely normal to talk about how much a vacation cost and whether you thought you got a good value for your money at the hotel or resort; in other circles, you are expected to know how much things cost, and you wouldn't evaluate the quality of a vacation or recommend a location based on how much you thought it was really worth. You might allude to it by talking about the relative quality of the service or the variety of the menu or the quality of the views or nearness to the beach or whatever, but the conversation would be framed around your preferences not around what you gained for what you spent. In working class and middle class communities, people and families gain reputation and value by knowing how and where to make limited funds stretch as much a possible for the best outcomes; in wealthier circles, reputation and value are gained by not having any indication that you need to worry about it.

I was the OP there. I think your assessment has a lot of value, but I think times have unfortunately changed.

One example: I was in college and worked with a girl who came from a VERY wealthy family (let's just say her dad's name was also the name of a Fortune 500 company). Anyway, she sat around complaining about how she was only allowed to get ONE type of car but she really wanted the OTHER type of car and she knew her parents could afford it but they were being mean and not getting it for her and her allowance (which was more than we made that summer) wasn't enough and she was only working because she was bored and the money didn't matter because everything she wanted cost more than her salary, blah, blah, blah. This went on for several minutes and no one said anything. I eventually piped up and made a comment about how I wish I could complain about the things she could. Needless to say, she went on a rant to me and anyone she could get to listen to her for the rest of the summer about how crass I was. I didn't really care, but she just couldn't get over how I talked about my situation in such a way, not realizing her own role in the situation.

And I'm not bringing this up over some bitterness from that situation. I thought it was funny more than anything, but also symbolic. I think this is the new tendency and is particularly how these conversations go when you are crossing socio-economic lines.

Thanks for the input.