How to let go of this nagging anger and enjoy the weekend?

[Anonymous]

I know how to be angry, I just don't know how to deal with it, to let it go. I call it "impotent rage." Two issues: right now I'm extremely peeved with one of my supervisors for something that happened on Thursday at work. She is a dingbat but at the same time so patronizing. I'm also mad at an old friend who is visiting from NY. I knew he was coming down, messaged him that I'd like to get together, he messaged back, and then I replied for him to let me know his schedule. That was on Tuesday and I haven't heard from him. He is gay but has never come out to me. Meanwhile, he's posting photos all over FB of he and his partner enjoying the Alexandria waterfront tonight. I mean, come ON, I know, Old Friend, and I don't care. Even if he can't fit me in, just msg me, you know? This friend of mine actually lived my parent's house during high school. I just want to see him and he's blowing me off. What to do? Even if I don't see him, whatever, I just don't want to stew about this issue or the other problem. Just want to enjoy the weekend. I have this problem in general with anger. How can I get it off my back without blowing my stack and telling people off?

[Anonymous]

Whoa!! You sound crazy! I wouldnt want to be your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoa!! You sound crazy! I wouldnt want to be your friend.

"Crazy" is a strong word. Why do you say that?

[Anonymous]

Meditation. And some sort of therapy. Not necessarily paid therapy. Learning to change the tape loop of negative thoughts in your head to positive, affirming ones.

[Anonymous]

Why is the "gay but never came out to me" thing relevant? And for that matter, do you think that gay people are obligated to provide every friend with a personalized explanation? Clearly he's out on Facebook, and he has friended you, he knows you know he's gay. Maybe your current reaction is the type of drama he is trying to avoid.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I could care less that he's gay. And no, he doesn't need to tell me personally. My reaction is not about him being gay, it's about him not contacting me. Even if he can't see me this weekend, he could send me a two line msg letting me know. We've known each other since 1983... I was 13, he was 10. He lived in my home. We traveled through Europe together. He is like a brother to me, a brother that I'm pissed at.

[Anonymous]

Send him another text. Make it lighthearted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meditation. And some sort of therapy. Not necessarily paid therapy. Learning to change the tape loop of negative thoughts in your head to positive, affirming ones.

Serenity now... Serenity NOW

[Anonymous]

Don't let your supervisor ruin your weekend. Think about it on Monday and at that point figure out f there's anyway to change the outcome next time. As far as your friend go, sometimes people act weird in apportioning their time on vacation. Just plan your weekend without him, and if he does get in touch with you try to be a good sport but don't feel obligated to turn your life upside-down to accommodate him. Figure out something that works for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Learn to compartmentalize. Leave work at work. And give your friend the freedom to choose. Maybe you need to let him go for both your sakes. Why get angry over things you cannot control? But you CAN enjoy your weekend.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is like the "she didn't let me know PERSONALLY that she was pregnant/delivered the baby" posts that appear from time to time. When people have a big life change, they are busy living their lives. They make a general announcement. You find out...it's on you to congratulate them. Drop him an email or facebook post that says "So excited about your big news, can't wait to chat in person!" Don't be a prima donna.

[Anonymous]

What's with all the texting and lurking on FB?

Does nobody actually CALL anyone anymore?

[Anonymous]

Why not just post on the picture and say "Hey, you are close by, I'd love to meet for a drink if we can fit it in!"?

[Anonymous]

OP here. I am an idiot, at least when it comes to Old Friend. Just got a voicemail from him suggesting that we meet for lunch tomorrow. He usually does things last minute so I don't know why I was so quick to "get my dander up." Now the work thing, don't know about that; I guess the consolation is that she's a dingbat and everyone knows it.

Guess I'm just feeling vulnerable in general right now. Thanks for your suggestions. Enjoy the beautiful weather, everyone!

[Anonymous]

Repeat after me:

I cannot control the actions of others and their actions will not control me.

Repeat until it has sunk in.

Life is too short to waste thinking about actions that other's do that they put little effort into. Your boss and friend are not doing these things to intentionally hurt you. They have probably not given any thought to how you may react. It isn't about you.