A light sperm donation story
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Anonymous
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Okay, I have gone thru pretty much everything on this website w my wife as we tried to have kids. I just want to tell this little story of how wacky this process can be, and, hopefully you will be looking back yourselves and having a chuckle.
So, wife is working, and, I was commuting to NYC for work. The day came where I had to make the lovely donation for the sperm. Now to frame the story a little, i had to wear a suit to work then. I had to be at the lab at 6AM sharp. Having already showered and dressed for work, how thrilled was I that I had to rub one out. Anyhow, I meet the staff(only females) and utlimately, they give me the cup and bring me into a room to do the self-pleasuring. Quick aside: who the hell thought a 30-year old porno mag was gonna help me get in the mood?!?!? OMG we those gals hairy back then! Anyhow, somehow, I get down to brass tacks, and, proceed to get close to an orgasm.....she surprise surprise, in walks the same nurse! She both forgot to lock the door, and then forgot which room she put me in. THE HORROR. Being a true degenerate, I got back in the mood, deposited said goodies in cup. Now the worst part: I get to walk out, and face the 100% female staff. And just to add a little more color, they were all very attrcative Hispanic gals. My my my....what a way to start your morning. They all had a good laugh at my expense. So, obviously, told wife the stroy. She relayed it to our Doctor overseeing the entire IVF process. His one comment: "He finished? He is an animal." Yup, that is my stroy, and I hope it helps you all a bit. |
Anonymous
| LOL! We all have to remember to keep the humor alive during this process. Thanks for helping us lighten things up, animal! |
Anonymous
| OP here; thanks. I kinda think one thing that really makes the entire IVF/wanting kids process tough, is that the sex becomes like a lab experiment. At least in our case it did. You eneded up having sex with no other agenda than making a kid. Which is the exact opposite for this immature dude, of how I had sex previously, for my entire life: AVOID THE KID AT ALL COSTS. |
Anonymous
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LOL, I'm a woman, and I cringed for you, but now I'm laughing.
Good for you for keeping your sense of humor. As a woman, I make jokes on forums about my lady parts, erstwhile instruments of pleasure, now having become nothing but a gynecologist's window. |
Anonymous
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OP here, I hear ya! While I think the entire process is 1000% more difficult and stressful and trying for the female, it kinda blows for the guy too. During the process, and, looking back, I gave away all humility. If someone offered me $10 to drop my slacks on Pennsylvannie Ave, I would have no problem with it!
I would LOVE to get the job of buying the correct and up-to-date porn for the hospital and IVF centers. When I was in there, I wanted to watch the entire film, not just the 1st 10 minutes! Would it have been rude to suggest a little popcorn also be provided? I mean, look at how much it costs?!?! |
Anonymous
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Maybe they did it on purpose and figured you would need some help, then pay for some assistance?
Sorry, just being my cynical, warped sense of humor self. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am laughing -- good for you for keeping a sense of humour. We're about to start this process ourselves and my DH swears he will not be able to do the deed - he says he will just have to do it at home then rush it over to the center. We were laughing last night about the vision of him on our moped darting through traffic to get it there within the allocated amount of time. I'm hoping he'll change his mind and it won't be as daunting once we're there and speak with the doctor!
Thanks for your post, I'll be sharing with DH tonight. 
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Anonymous
| Well, when I went in to do my part to create my children, our clinic at least had a DVD player and some DVD's, but I was a little shocked that they actually had gay porn available...at first it made no sense to me, before I realized that yes, even gay men may want to become a father or may be donating anonymously to the clinic. But it did perplex me for a minute or two. |
Anonymous
| LOL, OP my husband I were just laughing about this. He did his part yesterday for the 2nd time. He was so embarassed because it was the same nurse. He also wanted to know why there is a mirror in the room. I meant to ask the Dr but I forgot. He also mentioned the 20 year old magazines and vhs tapes. I guess the are figuring it is age appropraite? If you have any suggestions how to make sex while going thorugh IF fun again please share! |
Anonymous
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Whew! Tough, tough question.
If you are going thru IVF, or whatever procedure, it is sooo stressful. Mind-blowing sex would certainly take the edge off, right? I mean, ya can't really slug the alcohol during the process. I wish I could offer some pearls of wisdom during the process itself. We did 2 cycles of IVF. The first time did not work, and my wife needed time to collect herself, re-group, and make another go of it. The 2nd time for us was the charm. I actually got the honors of giving her the shots, which was a blast! And she's in the medical profession. Once she became officially pregnant, well, I barely talked to her!!! WHY?!?!? Okay, sarcasm on my part, but, we didn't fool around while she was pregnant. It literally took so much effort to get there, that I don't think either of us wanted to do anything sexual. I am not sure if that is the norm(what is?) We were friggin so paranoid. I can remember when we got the confirm that she was pregnant, and went back for sort of a confirm that she was pregnant. Yup....twins....growing...while it is a great feeling, and you will get there, it isn't hand-out-the-cigars time either. The IVF center then essentially says goodbye to you. Why? Statistically, you are pregnant, and, they were successful. They were then able to add that to their success rates. It was kinda weird, but with the entire crap we went thru, we simply acted like monks for the next 9 months. |
Anonymous
As a guy who has been there, the mirror helps so that when you've finished "the dirty deed" and you get dressed, you can make sure you look okay before walking out. Nothing like walking out the door with a piece of that hideous doctor's office paper sticking to your butt or shoe or your shirt tail peaking out your zipper or something. It's bad enough they know what you're doing in there without looking disheveled coming out of the room. |
Anonymous
| I actually wanted to high-five the entire staff when I left.....I wonder why they recoiled?!?! |
Anonymous
LOL! |
Anonymous
| I wish there is a "like" button here in DCUM.. Just love this thread.. |
Anonymous
The OP here....thanks! Only someone whom is in your boat, or has gone thru all this, can really undertsand your feelings and frustrations with the entire process. If this may one person chuckle, well, my work is done. 
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