How much to discipline 2 year olds

[Anonymous]

My wife seems to be a little more of a disciplanarian than I am. We have 2 year old, very active, smart twin boys who just do boy things-for example, take a drink from their bottles and then squirt it out of their mouths all over the place. Or they face each other and alternate squirting each other with the bottles. They laugh hysterically about stuff like that-and I find it amusing and I think it's great they are having so much fun-they're experimenting, socializing and it's healthy-although it is messy at times. Also they tend to go a little nuts on their trucks, sitting on them and jumping them up and down off the floor, like pogo sticks-rattling the entire house (or so it seems)-but again my feeling, since I was once a boy too, is that this is ok, and they shouldn't be told to stop all the time-I mean they chill and relax and read their books too-they're not that rambunctious. I discipline them if they jump up and down on our bed to much (they can climb right up on it), or do anything that's risky or if one of them bites of course, but other than that I have a pretty casual outlook. My wife will tell them no, lectures them, and on occasion spanks them (very lightly) for seemingly doing what I think are normal boy things. She is a wonderful, loving mother-the best, and this isn't a huge deal-I'm just curious-should I be more of a disciplanarian? Or is this just a classic male vs female differece of opinion? I just don't feel they are doing anything wrong, (usually) and are just being guys and I don't want to rain on their parade, or stifle their creativity or anything.

[Anonymous]

One of you have to be the disciplinarian. Let it be her You can have the fun.

My husband is much more laid back than me-I'm a little more stern. But I also don't have twins. If I did-there might be a lot of bruised butts Only joking. She probably feels she needs to stay on top of it. If you're both ok with each other-let it be.

[Anonymous]

My honest opinion is that your boys behavior is very normal, playful and doesnt warrant a spank. I'm very anti spank in general, but I think your wife is on the very strict side for the scenarios you offered. My son got his first time out at age 3. Age 2, it was a lot of gentle re-direction, firm no's absolutely, but the real discipline "fun" began at age 3!!! boys have tons of energy and you have to help them exercise it in a healthy way IMO. Hats off to both of you for heading into the toddler years with twin boys...be good to yourselves!

[Anonymous]

To me, it would depend. I let my kids go nuts for a while (heck, half the time I'm the one chasing them), and then I eventually put a stop to it. So, if they are running around the house like crazy, it's fine for a while...but eventually someone is going to get hurt. And when I say stop, I expect it to stop (at least by the second warning). As for spitting stuff out--if it's water, fine; if it's juice or something that's going to stain--not fine. If the trucks aren't damaging the floors, fine. If it's scratching up the hardwoods, not fine. So, I try to get my kids to use the cars, etc. on the tile or playroom rug, but not to scratch them along furniture. If they run them on the tables, I definitely tell them to stop. To me, the line with actions that are really just kids having fun is whether someone will get hurt, or something will get damaged. If they don't stop when I ask, I count (slowly) to three; after 3 it's a time-out. I characterize it as for "not listening" rather than the behavior though. My 3 year old has a harder time changing gears than my 20 month old. The little one just needs the threat of time out (which we have only had to DO once with her); the older one ends up in time out a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

Make no mistake about it. Two is definately not to young to start disciplining. On the contrary if you wait til he turns 3 before you start like the pp said you might have a child that tests you to much. However, that being said, I don't think the particular examples you gave warrant discipline at all. They sound like their just having fun and making each other laugh. I'm with you, don't take that away from them. If their two and they start kicking you or telling you to shut up, etc. then start disciplining, so they know it's not ok to disrespect the household. Good luck. You sound like a great dad.

[Anonymous]

Somthing to think about. My nanny noticed that I correct my husband when he tries to discipline our daughter--I tend to be more of the laid back one and I think that my husband is trying to impart some boundaries and he is definitely not miserly. The net result is that my dd doesn't always respect my hubby and will actually look over at me when she is about to do something for an "all clear" signal. Although I hated admitting this my nanny was right. You and your wife need to get on the same page with what is okay behavior in your family and then stick with it and.. putting all the disclipine pressue on one parent is just not fair. You may not know this but in the back of your mind you may be wanting to be the favorite with your kids--trust me this is hard to swallow since I was in your position, but when I thought about it, I do like when dd runs to me. Luckily, since your kids are young, this can all be worked on. It really does take a lot of work because I still have to stop myself sometimes from telling my hubby to relax that whatever they are doing is no biggie but I am working on it. I really try now to talk about a certain behavior when the kids are asleep and I know my hubby is appreciative that I am not just blowing off his parenting objectives.

[Anonymous]

I have to disagree with some responses here. I think squirting water out of your mouth DOES deserve discipline if you're sitting at the table (park manners are different).

It's cute when they're little, but if nobody teaches your kids not to throw plates, spit food and generally behave like boors, you're not helping them.

Same goes for jumping on furniture. They will not be welcome at friends' homes if they climb all over hte living room couch and jump off the arms. My kids like doing that too, but it is not permitted.

I think you and your wife need to agree on house rules, and then BOTH of you need to enforce. She can still be the heavy, but you can't be laughing and smiling while she says no. It just doesn't work.

Maybe there is some stuff that she can lighten up on if you feel strongly about it as "kid stuff". But really, your job is to parent. And parenting requires tough work, not just fun and games. If you don't teach your kids to listen and behave, you will not have done your job. And it will only get harder as they get older.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't want my kids spitting anything out of their mouths at someone else,whether the 'recipient' thought it was fun or not. The first time they do that on a playdate, they'll wonder why their host is crying. Outside playing with a hose or squirt gun is one thing, but our job is to teach kids how to act -- and spitting at someone for fun is not acceptable. I also wouldn't want my kids jumping up and down on their trucks unless they were outside. I think there is appropriate behavior for outside (what you describe) vs. inside. When your kids go to preschool, they will be at a disadvantage if they have never been told the need to use 'inside voices' 'no running inside' etc. (I learned A LOT from our preschool teacher.)

[Anonymous]

Ditto PP. We have 2 year old twins boys too. They are VERY active and very rambunctious. But we have rules that everyone has to live by: no spitting, no hitting, no pushing, no damaging toys (we have toys they can be rough with - but standing on a truck will cause it to break and I am not going to be getting a new one), we sit at the table during meals, use inside voices, put our toys away, etc. And we do time-outs (2 minutes.) We are very consistent which seems to help.

I agree that boys need to be boys (whatever that means) but it doesn't mean they need to be destructive or disobedient.

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 year old son (2 yrs. 7 months) and he just started to do more rambunctious things similar to what OP describes and I'm in the camp that discipline is necessary at this point. I want to feel like I can take my kids out and be proud of their behaviour. If I wouldn't do it, they shouldn't. My expecation is that they will not always be good, (I know they're kids), and poor behaviour is inevitable, but the goal is to help them get there. That being said (and maybe this is meant for another topic) I feel like I spend the majority of the day trying to correct bad behaviour or do what I tell him (from basic things like getting dressed to more serious ones like not running away from me when I go to unlock the car door) without protests and tears. I've read lots of advice and tried all kinds of discipline and really work on positive reinforcement but nothing is working. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 year old boy also. He does all those things too. I think they are normal and don't deserve any discipline at all unless they are causing some specific damage. And even then, the boys should be redirected not disciplined. I want courageous, rambunctious children. Not childrent that are timid and scared to get into trouble. Lighten up, kids need to be kids. (And no spanking ever in my book, not ever, you don't hit a child. Although I realize people differ on this.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a 2 year old boy also. He does all those things too. I think they are normal and don't deserve any discipline at all unless they are causing some specific damage. And even then, the boys should be redirected not disciplined. I want courageous, rambunctious children. Not childrent that are timid and scared to get into trouble. Lighten up, kids need to be kids. (And no spanking ever in my book, not ever, you don't hit a child. Although I realize people differ on this.)

Kids don't raise themselves. Teaching kids how to act doesn't make them timid and scared to get into trouble. This is parenting -- teaching and guiding -- not simply letting kids be kids. If only our job was to just sit back and let kids be kids, it would be so much easier!!! I agree on redirecting at this age (and older) but I don't agree about letting them spit at each other for fun or make the whole house shake jumping on a toy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a 2 year old boy also. He does all those things too. I think they are normal and don't deserve any discipline at all unless they are causing some specific damage. And even then, the boys should be redirected not disciplined. I want courageous, rambunctious children. Not childrent that are timid and scared to get into trouble. Lighten up, kids need to be kids. (And no spanking ever in my book, not ever, you don't hit a child. Although I realize people differ on this.)

Kids don't raise themselves. Teaching kids how to act doesn't make them timid and scared to get into trouble. This is parenting -- teaching and guiding -- not simply letting kids be kids. If only our job was to just sit back and let kids be kids, it would be so much easier!!! I agree on redirecting at this age (and older) but I don't agree about letting them spit at each other for fun or make the whole house shake jumping on a toy.

I completely agree with this. The mother or father that doesn't discipline their 2 year old will pay for it later on. The other point is that believe me that kids want boundaries. They want a line. They are confused with out it, and the pp will see that if she hasn't instilled those boundaries early she will have an out of control 3 or 4 year old. They will still love you know matter what. It baffles me that Pp says they don't deserve any discipline at all. It is a fact, that it is a form of abuse to not give your child discipline. It's negligence and not preparing them for the future.

[Anonymous]

Well, but wait a minute - why is discipline necessary to teach proper boundaries/behavior? I guess we're more into positive discipline, demonstrating good behavior and praising and giving attention when it occurs, using distraction (or sometimes just ignoring) bad behavior. Sure we set boundaries - no standing on the furniture, no throwing toys, no hitting, etc., and when he doesn't follow the rule after a polite request then we remove him or take away the object. Seriously, 95% of the time that is all that is needed, no time outs, no yelling.

But I digress. OP, maybe your wife is more upset about some of the behavior because she has to clean up the mess? Maybe you need to have a rule that the boys have to clean up after themselves - if my DS turns over his water cup, I get out a rag and and it to him and tell him to clean it up. He won't do it perfectly, but he gets the idea that he has to clean up messes that he is responsible for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, but wait a minute - why is discipline necessary to teach proper boundaries/behavior? I guess we're more into positive discipline, demonstrating good behavior and praising and giving attention when it occurs, using distraction (or sometimes just ignoring) bad behavior. Sure we set boundaries - no standing on the furniture, no throwing toys, no hitting, etc., and when he doesn't follow the rule after a polite request then we remove him or take away the object. Seriously, 95% of the time that is all that is needed, no time outs, no yelling.

This is SOOOOO child dependant. My kids have been raised in the same house, in the same environment, and react totally differently to rules/discipline. With DS, when he wants to do something, he will often go wayyyyyy beyond polite requests, even though he knows he will get a time out. DD, on the other hand.... all I have to is make a mad face and she stops. And she's the younger one. Different methods work for different children. Whatever your method, the key (IMO) is to talk to your wife, get on the same page about what the rules should be, and then decide how to enforce them. It sounds like your dispute is over what behavior is acceptable, rather than what discipline is appropriate.