How much to discipline 2 year olds

[Anonymous]

You all are over reacting to spitting water. Jeez.

[Anonymous]

Is your wife home all day?

It caused all sorts of problems in a relative's house when dad would show up, and in the name of fun, undermine all of the work of the mom to raise nice well-behaved children. It showed in their behavior, and ultimately in the lack of respect for mom.

I would sit down and have a serious talk about the spanking. That's really for special things (if at all) and not for rambunctious outbursts.

[Anonymous]

Great responses-thanks! I'm the guy who posted the question.

I totally agree with the posters who said they should be re-directed and use positive reinforcement. Definetely don't want the kids being timid (I actually think that would be impossible!).

Wife is home all day-she says they tend to show off when I come home (and just generally when I'm around) and
all that, hence some of the crazy behavior-but they are boys and everyone tells us boys tend to be wilder than girls, even at this age.

I agree that they have to be well mannered in public and on play dates-which they seem to be-definetely don't want them to become obnoxious or rude or inconsiderate.

They get along great with other kids-one twin is kinda bossy and will in a good natured way tell crying babies, dogs, and anyone in range to be quiet and go to sleep-he's a very confident 2 year old, and can push limits, whereas the other one, while confident is a little more sane and laid back.

I agree with my wife and everyone who posted that discipline is essential when things get out of hand, risky or to messy in the house. We don't allow standing on furniture, breaking stuff (throwing toys to an extent is ok though). But they gotta have fun and I just don't want to stop that when they are in the middle of a laughing fit.

Thanks for the feedback!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all are over reacting to spitting water. Jeez.

As one of the PP with 2 year old twin boys - I don't think that discipling for spitting water is over reacting. Would you want water spit at you? Do you want to spend time cleaning up water multiple times? Why do you think that spitting is an appropriate behavior?

[Anonymous]

We have a backyard and just about nothing is off limits back there. However, the house is a completely different story. My 27mos old just started the water spitting. NO WAY. When I see it, I correct him. If he continues, its time out. There is also absolutly NO jumping on furniture. I live in an adult looking home and intend to keep it that way. We work way too hard for our money to have things we save for trashed. When my children have their own house they can trash it all they want. We have friends that come over and a few will get on our furniture and jump on it. It drives me nuts that their parents very feebly try to correct this very rude behavior. One friend we no longer play with because of a lack of discipline on the parents end. Its too bad b/c I like the mom, but our parenting styles are too different to be together with the kids.

On the other hand we let my son play with "delicate" toys to teach him control and to be gentle. We have a real guitar, a glass tea set, as well as other things that can break easily. He does know how to handle these toys and clearly knows the difference. I think 2yr olds have a MUCH better ability to have self-restraint than we give them credit for. I am not raising a timid child, but am raising a child to learn how to control their impulses...a lesson that is lost on quite a few adults even.

I'm a firm believer in nipping it in the bud fast and early. This builds the foundation for respect.

[Anonymous]

I'm the original poster-to the last poster-I live in an adult looking home too-I should have made myself clear that this behavior goes on in their nursery-their own space-they absolutely don't get away with that stuff throughout the house or in public!! That would be dangerous and would ruin some expensive items.

And to answer another poster would I want water spit at me?? Gee I don't think so; you? These guys "squirt" water on each other, and seem to get some mutual satisfaction from it-I'm not a two year old, if I were, I would probably love to have water spit or squirted on me, and would do it back to my twin and find it the funniest thing in my new little world. Which kinda answers the second part of your question regarding appropriatness-depends on the context-I think if an adult goes around spitting/squirting water on someone or himself (especially out of a baby bottle), that may be just a little inappropriate-my post was to recieve feedback-not to defend the appropriatness of the behavior-but I think actually that it is normal, and since they don't know any better, appropriate in a sense that they have no idea what they are doing, but that doesn't exclude discipline or teaching them appropriatness (obviously). Also these boys love to clean up , as a matter of fact I think it's one reason they sometimes drip liquid onto the floor or window sills-is so they can play "clean up"-ironic isn't it? Didn't mean to imply that they create puddles of water that we just wait around to mop and clean up constantly-that would be absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the original poster-to the last poster-I live in an adult looking home too-I should have made myself clear that this behavior goes on in their nursery-their own space-they absolutely don't get away with that stuff throughout the house or in public!! That would be dangerous and would ruin some expensive items.

And to answer another poster would I want water spit at me?? Gee I don't think so; you? These guys "squirt" water on each other, and seem to get some mutual satisfaction from it-I'm not a two year old, if I were, I would probably love to have water spit or squirted on me, and would do it back to my twin and find it the funniest thing in my new little world. Which kinda answers the second part of your question regarding appropriatness-depends on the context-I think if an adult goes around spitting/squirting water on someone or himself (especially out of a baby bottle), that may be just a little inappropriate-my post was to recieve feedback-not to defend the appropriatness of the behavior-but I think actually that it is normal, and since they don't know any better, appropriate in a sense that they have no idea what they are doing, but that doesn't exclude discipline or teaching them appropriatness (obviously). Also these boys love to clean up , as a matter of fact I think it's one reason they sometimes drip liquid onto the floor or window sills-is so they can play "clean up"-ironic isn't it? Didn't mean to imply that they create puddles of water that we just wait around to mop and clean up constantly-that would be absurd.

I think this is much more informative than your original post. No one is debating whether or not your sons' behavior is normal; we are debating the differing responses to that behavior by their two parents. Of course it is 'normal' for two year olds to do those things (in other words, they all do it) and of course they don't know any better -- until you tell them, again and again and again. You seem to think that saying to your children, "That is not okay" is the same thing as saying, "You are not okay." Do you feel that you are defending them against your wife? I think the fact that she's spanking them might have something to do with it. I wonder if you would be taking such a strong position if she were saying to them, "spitting in the house is not okay; now I'm going to put away your bottle" or something along those lines instead of spanking. I know I would be upset if i saw two year olds getting spanked and I might be tempted to side with the two year olds, even though I personally think their behavior is out of line for inside the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a backyard and just about nothing is off limits back there. However, the house is a completely different story. My 27mos old just started the water spitting. NO WAY. When I see it, I correct him. If he continues, its time out. There is also absolutly NO jumping on furniture. I live in an adult looking home and intend to keep it that way. We work way too hard for our money to have things we save for trashed. When my children have their own house they can trash it all they want. We have friends that come over and a few will get on our furniture and jump on it. It drives me nuts that their parents very feebly try to correct this very rude behavior. One friend we no longer play with because of a lack of discipline on the parents end. Its too bad b/c I like the mom, but our parenting styles are too different to be together with the kids.

On the other hand we let my son play with "delicate" toys to teach him control and to be gentle. We have a real guitar, a glass tea set, as well as other things that can break easily. He does know how to handle these toys and clearly knows the difference. I think 2yr olds have a MUCH better ability to have self-restraint than we give them credit for. I am not raising a timid child, but am raising a child to learn how to control their impulses...a lesson that is lost on quite a few adults even.

I'm a firm believer in nipping it in the bud fast and early. This builds the foundation for respect.

This is one person that gets it. I agree with you all the way. Nip it early and you won't have a hard time as the kids get older. The respect will be instilled in them and it's like learning to read or anything else. They can learn how to respect their parents and house early on. They want boundaries. They don't want to walk all over mom and dad. This is one of the best posts I have read. Keep up the good work.