MIL used her key to come into my home unnanounced.

[Anonymous]

I was going to the bathroom, I heard the doorbell ring and was in the process of looking out the window to see who was there, when she just let herself in. And when I told her that was unnaceptable, she flipped out and told me that I was out of line. She has a key because she babysits the kids occasionally, and she feeds the animals when we are on vacation. I tried to gently explane that she should never just let herself in when the door is locked, but she started ranting about how I don't trust her, how I don't want her there, and how I treat her like a criminal. WTF? Was she just talking to my other self? I don't remember saying those things. Am I out of line here?

[Anonymous]

I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

[Anonymous]

Did you give an example of why it would be a bad idea? Like being frank with her and saying you planned on meeting her son for a lunch time quickie and you busting in like you owned the place would have been mortifying?!

[Anonymous]

Take away the key. Give her one when she come to babysit the kids and take it back when she leaves. Same for when you go on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

Yes, she had left her camera at our house the last time she was here, and she was picking it up. She usually calls before she comes over, she has never just let herself in like that without calling first. When she watches the kids, she lets herself in, we leave the door locked all the time. She lightly taps the door instead of ringing the doorbell. This time she rang the doorbell, but she didn't wait for me to answer. I want her to feel welcome, and I want her to feel like she can just stop by, but she crossed a line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

Yes, she had left her camera at our house the last time she was here, and she was picking it up. She usually calls before she comes over, she has never just let herself in like that without calling first. When she watches the kids, she lets herself in, we leave the door locked all the time. She lightly taps the door instead of ringing the doorbell. This time she rang the doorbell, but she didn't wait for me to answer. I want her to feel welcome, and I want her to feel like she can just stop by, but she crossed a line.

Well, I can see both sides. I'm the person you quoted. I think she suspected she was going to run in and get her camera and leave. No harm, no foul.

I think you surprised each other and it got blown way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take away the key. Give her one when she come to babysit the kids and take it back when she leaves. Same for when you go on vacation.

trouble is, she has made multiple copies. I am going to change the locks, and have a master key made and stamped with DO NOT COPY. It is going to be attached to a heavy key ring, and it will be returned to us after she uses it. Her own daughter does not even let her have a key to her house. I don't have a key to my MIL's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was going to the bathroom, I heard the doorbell ring and was in the process of looking out the window to see who was there, when she just let herself in. And when I told her that was unnaceptable, she flipped out and told me that I was out of line. She has a key because she babysits the kids occasionally, and she feeds the animals when we are on vacation. I tried to gently explane that she should never just let herself in when the door is locked, but she started ranting about how I don't trust her, how I don't want her there, and how I treat her like a criminal. WTF? Was she just talking to my other self? I don't remember saying those things. Am I out of line here?

No, you are not and she should never have done this.

[Anonymous]

To me, that isn't out of line for anyone who has a key to my house. I'm judicious about who I give a key to, but if they do, especially if they do favors for us like babysit, feed pets, look in on the house while we're on vacation, etc gets a little bit of a a bye for startling me. If you have a problem, then put a chain on the door that you only use when you are inside the house. If you aren't there, then don't chain the door. Simple solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

Yes, she had left her camera at our house the last time she was here, and she was picking it up. She usually calls before she comes over, she has never just let herself in like that without calling first. When she watches the kids, she lets herself in, we leave the door locked all the time. She lightly taps the door instead of ringing the doorbell. This time she rang the doorbell, but she didn't wait for me to answer. I want her to feel welcome, and I want her to feel like she can just stop by, but she crossed a line.

Well, I can see both sides. I'm the person you quoted. I think she suspected she was going to run in and get her camera and leave. No harm, no foul.

I think you surprised each other and it got blown way out of proportion.

+1. If she thought you weren't home, then it's not a big deal. If she did think you were home, then she was wrong. You might want to install a chain that you can hook when you're at home. Btw, sounds like she helps you guys out with things, so keep that in mind as you deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

Yes, she had left her camera at our house the last time she was here, and she was picking it up. She usually calls before she comes over, she has never just let herself in like that without calling first. When she watches the kids, she lets herself in, we leave the door locked all the time. She lightly taps the door instead of ringing the doorbell. This time she rang the doorbell, but she didn't wait for me to answer. I want her to feel welcome, and I want her to feel like she can just stop by, but she crossed a line.

Well, I can see both sides. I'm the person you quoted. I think she suspected she was going to run in and get her camera and leave. No harm, no foul.

I think you surprised each other and it got blown way out of proportion.

Maybe, I think her reaction was so odd. I was calm when I told her that she shouldn't do what she did. She didn't act surprised, she knew I was home. Car was in the driveway, my dog was outside. So she knew I was here. I was calm when I told her that she shouldn't do what she did. I don't think I deserved the "You just hate me!", routine. Honestly, she acted like she felt totally entitled to walk into my home at any time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take away the key. Give her one when she come to babysit the kids and take it back when she leaves. Same for when you go on vacation.

trouble is, she has made multiple copies. I am going to change the locks, and have a master key made and stamped with DO NOT COPY. It is going to be attached to a heavy key ring, and it will be returned to us after she uses it. Her own daughter does not even let her have a key to her house. I don't have a key to my MIL's house.

Are you serious? Get a multilok system key cannot be duplicated without a special code. Why would she make copies of your house keys???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

Yes, she had left her camera at our house the last time she was here, and she was picking it up. She usually calls before she comes over, she has never just let herself in like that without calling first. When she watches the kids, she lets herself in, we leave the door locked all the time. She lightly taps the door instead of ringing the doorbell. This time she rang the doorbell, but she didn't wait for me to answer. I want her to feel welcome, and I want her to feel like she can just stop by, but she crossed a line.

Well, I can see both sides. I'm the person you quoted. I think she suspected she was going to run in and get her camera and leave. No harm, no foul.

I think you surprised each other and it got blown way out of proportion.

+1. If she thought you weren't home, then it's not a big deal. If she did think you were home, then she was wrong. You might want to install a chain that you can hook when you're at home. Btw, sounds like she helps you guys out with things, so keep that in mind as you deal with this.

Yes you are right, she does help us a lot. Which makes this difficult. I love her, I want her to feel welcome, but I don't want her just walking in. What if I was naked, or what if her son and I were having a lunch time romp on the couch? I almost wish that was the case, I don't think I would have had to explain to her why it was wrong! lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect she was very defensive because she knows she's in the wrong.

Why did she let herself in the house? Was she there to do something?

Yes, she had left her camera at our house the last time she was here, and she was picking it up. She usually calls before she comes over, she has never just let herself in like that without calling first. When she watches the kids, she lets herself in, we leave the door locked all the time. She lightly taps the door instead of ringing the doorbell. This time she rang the doorbell, but she didn't wait for me to answer. I want her to feel welcome, and I want her to feel like she can just stop by, but she crossed a line.

Well, I can see both sides. I'm the person you quoted. I think she suspected she was going to run in and get her camera and leave. No harm, no foul.

I think you surprised each other and it got blown way out of proportion.

Maybe, I think her reaction was so odd. I was calm when I told her that she shouldn't do what she did. She didn't act surprised, she knew I was home. Car was in the driveway, my dog was outside. So she knew I was here. I was calm when I told her that she shouldn't do what she did. I don't think I deserved the "You just hate me!", routine. Honestly, she acted like she felt totally entitled to walk into my home at any time.

Generally, when you give someone a key, you are empowering them to do exactly that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take away the key. Give her one when she come to babysit the kids and take it back when she leaves. Same for when you go on vacation.

trouble is, she has made multiple copies. I am going to change the locks, and have a master key made and stamped with DO NOT COPY. It is going to be attached to a heavy key ring, and it will be returned to us after she uses it. Her own daughter does not even let her have a key to her house. I don't have a key to my MIL's house.

Are you serious? Get a multilok system key cannot be duplicated without a special code. Why would she make copies of your house keys???

This is why I am irritated. My MIL does things that cannot be explained rationally. I suppose the copies are because she loses the key frequently. Instead of telling us and dealing with us being concerned, she just makes a copy from the key we keep in the house. Then she finds the key she lost in her purse or wherever and then keeps the copy.