delaying kindergarten for 5 year old

[Anonymous]

I was wondering if anyone else had any input on this. TIA!

Our child has a winter birthday and recently turned 5. All things being equal, he is not ready to start kindergarten. We would be holding him back from starting until age 6 (turning 7 during winter of kindergarten) to help him to fit in more readily with his peers, socially and emotionally---even athletically and academically, since he is globablly delayed.

I hate the idea that in doing holding him back, we could make things worse for him, with peers making fun of him for being older and moms not accepting him and having him over for playdates, etc. because he is older. (We have heard this happens.)

That is truly the opposite of what we are trying to achieve. We want him to blend in moreso (be less of a target for bullies), not stand out---it would be such a shame if he did fit in better with this younger age group and then had to face teasing from peers and exclusion from their families for something as silly as age...especially when there are many families holding typically developing kids back to give them advantages and there are NO special needs. Ugh! Don't know what to do and feel pretty tormented by this.

Can't afford private school, in a great neighborhood school. Our child is very high functioning ASD but already teased for being "stupid" in preschool, among typically developing peers.

[Anonymous]

I held my kid back for the reasons you are considering. My son is now in third grade and we don't experience any of your concerns. A couple of times a year someone will comment on his age, but it passes quickly. The minor distress this causes is so far outweighed by the success he feels by being able to manage school. He h.as an early spring birthday, so he's not much younger than your child.

[Anonymous]

I would do it...the only question I would ask is if you have a sense of where he is cognitively. I know it is incredibly difficult to predict the future but if you think he may not get a diploma-- the academy years where they job train are critical and are best not wasted with the k start delay.

[Anonymous]

OP, my DS has a November bday. DH and I decided to hold him back for many of the same reasons as you mentioned. Although, he does not share your DS's diagnosis (his is ADHD and he is fairly immature and has pragmatic issues). He is also in private. Our neighborhood public laughed at us (literally). FWIW, it was the best decision we could have made for him. He fits in much better (read relates much better) to kids who are about a year younger than he is. We have yet to encounter other kids or parents who make any type of comment about his age. He is in K presently.

[Anonymous]

NP here. This is something I've thought about for the future. If OP doesn't have money for private schools will public allow you to repeat? I thought you could not do more years of PEP. What have other people done to fill that gap year?

[Anonymous]

Best choice I ever made. Yes, public has to allow it, but they discourage it.

[Anonymous]

also the best thing we did for our ds. he has a late may brthday and he never would have been able to handle the expectations of our fcps kinder class last year. We held back because of fine motor skills and he had been recently dx with childhood absence epilepsy so we knew we had to get the meds straightened out before he could do a full day curricuulm. he is doing great...not bored at all but also feels great about going to school everyday. math is still challenging for him but he would have been a wreck if we had sent him last year. Trust your gut instinct...it is usually right. GL

[Anonymous]

We sent DS with late Sept birthday on time last year per recommendation of the school, so that DS also could receive non-cat services. (He wouldn't have gotten to stay for a full day if he remained in preschool.) Although things had worked out fine for his big sis who previous had started K on time with a Sept birthday, he just seemed lost in the class. He was 4 when K started. Academically he was so so, and he did make one friend. He was totally exhausted at the end of each school day. He's repeating K this year (now 6 years old) and has lots of friends, participates in class and is just more engaged in what's going on. I'm really glad we didn't move him on to first grade this school year, because he wasn't ready for it and the kids in this year's K class truly seem to be his peers.

[Anonymous]

My child has a February birthday (just turned six and is currently in Kindergarten). At this time last year, I was thinking DC was in no way ready and posting about what you did. Fast forward to now and I'm so glad I didn't delay. DC loves kindergarten and is doing so well. It's very hard nine months before kindergarten starts to make these decisions.

[Anonymous]

Different take -- DS has an early summer b-day and we started him on time. School agreed to test him at the end of K and he's had an IEP since first grade (on basis of Other Health Impairment - ADHD). Honestly, it's very hard to imagine that, for him, an extra year in preschool would've made a difference. He wouldn't have been tested/evaluated (we had gone to Child Find when he was in preschool and basically were laughed out of there - they viewed him as fine, no issues). So, going on time got him on the road to the reading services he needs. He's in third grade this year and says he really likes school - his academic performance is very mixed/inconsistent (a function of various issues) but he has friends, a number of talents (very arty kid), and basically happy. Yes, immature in certain respects compared to typical peers (kids with ADHD often lag in this respect), but holding his own - he's resilient and the fact that he does have some very strong talents probably is very helpful.

[Anonymous]

I think you do what you need for your child and it's really nobody elses concern (other parents). It's a very hard decision to make, I can attest to that.

[Anonymous]

Our boys were in Fairfax County public preschool at our home school and it was made to sound as if holding them back was an impossibility. For what it is worth, I really regret not fighting that harder. I trusted the school, and still do, but I feel like the boys would have been better served with an extra year of maturity on their side. Especially since their social skills are lacking. Do what you feel is best. Don't let anyone sway you. You know best.

[Anonymous]

he's already going to be an "old" Kindergartener. Is he going in with an IEP? If so, then I wouldn't hold him back. He'll be almost 2 years older than some of his peers. It will hurt him in the end.

My child was in the same boat as you. He has a December birthday and is autistic. With an IEP, he got the assistence he needed to make up for the deficits. If you wait until they are too old, then your child is playing with kids who are not his peers at all. Is that the kind of roll-modelling that you want for your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he's already going to be an "old" Kindergartener. Is he going in with an IEP? If so, then I wouldn't hold him back. He'll be almost 2 years older than some of his peers. It will hurt him in the end.

My child was in the same boat as you. He has a December birthday and is autistic. With an IEP, he got the assistence he needed to make up for the deficits. If you wait until they are too old, then your child is playing with kids who are not his peers at all. Is that the kind of roll-modelling that you want for your child?

I do believe that if you decide to hold back you are not eligibile for an IEP ( I believe I was told his for MOCO). However, I do not think it's a horrible thing and that you are ruining your child's life by making the choice. It's a personal decision--right for some children and not right for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he's already going to be an "old" Kindergartener. Is he going in with an IEP? If so, then I wouldn't hold him back. He'll be almost 2 years older than some of his peers. It will hurt him in the end.

My child was in the same boat as you. He has a December birthday and is autistic. With an IEP, he got the assistence he needed to make up for the deficits. If you wait until they are too old, then your child is playing with kids who are not his peers at all. Is that the kind of roll-modelling that you want for your child?

I completely and respectfully disagree with this. Giving my child the extra year he has gone from sticking out to being "often indistiguishable from his peers." He has real friendships and he gets invited on playdates without me befriending the mom first. He is mainstream all the way and there are zero complaints. Who cares if you are older than your classmates? I think emotional and social maturity matter most. By the time my son goes off to college (and yes, we are investing for it and we don't see any reason why he won't one day go) I want him to have all the maturity possible. Heck by the time he reaches the peer pressures of middle school I am glad he will have had a extra year to mature. Down the line when (if) he marries, I have no problem with him marrying a woman a few years younger or even a decade younger for that matter. I highly doubt anyone will care by then that he had the gift of time early on.

One nice thing about the redshirting trend in this area is redshirted SN kids won't be alone. I highly doubt your child will be the only child older for the year. Do what is best for your child. Get lots of professional opinions. Just about every professional I talked to except those in the public school system , agreed that it's a great idea for my child.