If another person acts like DS's autism and delays were just a dream and not real...

[Anonymous]

After busting my butt getting services and dealing with endless bullsht, now I have to deal with a husband who questions whether there ever was a real problem and friends who think I'm nuts for saying my kid is on the spectrum. He still gets a lot of services and frankly, I am scared of what will happen when/if we stop interventions. On the one hand DH wants to end services on the other hand there is a part of him that doesn't live in total denial and deep down he knows we need to keep this up.

I dunno call me a nut, but it would be nice for someone to turn to pat me on the back and say "You did so much and made so many sacrifices for your child. Grest work!" I wouldn't change a thing and the true gratification is seeing things work out for my child, but I just feel screwed if I do and screwed if I don't. Either you aren't doing enough or you are making mountains out of moehills. I've got a stack of paperwork from experts that confirms my child has special needs, but it's freaky to have so many people around me say he doesn't.

Vent over!

[Anonymous]

You did so much and made so many sacrifices for your child. Great work.

Signed,
Another mother who did the same, has gotten all the same comments, and understands competely how even though success is its own reward, sometimes it's nice to get a little appreciation.

[Anonymous]

My dear, you have my sympathy and hugs! I have gone through this for nearly 7 years.

DH has an MD and a PhD, for goodness's sake, and he used to brush off all our son's symptoms, as did our pediatrician. I saw the first symptoms of developmental delay at 9 months, fought to obtain services, argued with DH to pay for private testing to create a whole bullet proof case for an IEP at his school.
Our families, who live in another country, used to laugh at my concerns - the first-time anxious mother, "don't be ridiculous", "he'll outgrow it" type of response. It used to hurt. Now I don't relate any details over the phone or by email.

Should I be happy that now his symptoms are so obvious that now they're shutting up?
Not really, I'm just waiting for someone in the family to say "if you had done such and such when he was younger, he wouldn't be this way". Strangle. I. Have. Done. Everything.

Casual stabs are everywhere. I try to hide that my son is nearly 7 and in Kindergarten, otherwise I always get some rude mother at a gathering that will pipe up obliviously "oh, isn't that redshirting, I heard everyone does that now just to give their boys an advantage - what a terrible trend, blah, blah...". I try to hide that, among other diagnoses, my son has a form of ADHD, because otherwise someone will rudely say "oh, but don't you know that ADHD is WAY overdiagnosed?".

Excuse me, I know my own son best. I have researched all these issues, I have a biomedical degree, just back off.

One day, I might just say that. But for the moment I just smile and change the subject.

Go with your gut feeling, OP.

[Anonymous]

Yes op I have been through this too! To the point that my MiL called me one night (while DH was away) to go through some long bs story about how horrible it is to label kids, and blah blah blah.
I know exactly what you mean-but frankly, one night I lost it on DH and laid down the law "guess what! I have gone to lord only knows how many appts, read 10 books, min of 20 articles, etc. if you, or your mother, or whoever else, wants to actually join me for the the appts, and read the books, and do the research, then guess what-that's when I want your opinion on this. Until then we are going with what I say is best"
You have to be your own advocate here too, just like you have done for your SN child.
Good luck! Try to ignore what you can, and believe in yourself that you have done your research and you know your kid

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you!! Your comments made me laugh and made me feel both relieved and sad to know that I'm not the only one. I've had a few wake-up and SEE the SN conversations/fights too and they are productive but aggravating.

[Anonymous]

PP again...re-read your comments and the OVER-DIAGNOSIS thing is like nails on chalkboard to me. "Oh these days they say EVERY kid has autism. It's all about making money." Makes me want to scream and flail my arms in the air.

Oh and then some say..."His uncle so and so had similar issues and he's fine." Uncle so and so isn't fine. He struggled through school, he has no self esteem, he can't get along with people, and he has spent a small fortune getting therapy as an adult. My goal is to make life easier for my child and help him be indepedent and happily employed. I want him to have meaningful relationships since I am not going to be around forever. GAH!!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I just want to validate you and let you know you have my support. I think it's hard for men to admit that there's something wrong. They seem to be hard-wired that way.

You sound like a great mom to me.

[Anonymous]

Been there, done that. "There's nothing wrong with him. Doctors just want to pathalogize normal differences in development." Said a (former) friend. Sorry, I can't hang out with people who make me feel like crap.

This is what it sounds like to me: You are such a stupid mother to believe what the doctors and therapists have said about your son after lots of expert evaluation. I, who have been watching your son for the last 20 minutes, know better than you.

Why do they do this? Do they think it will make us feel better? I mean, WTF?

[Anonymous]

Been there, done that. "There's nothing wrong with him. Doctors just want to pathalogize normal differences in development." Said a (former) friend. Sorry, I can't hang out with people who make me feel like crap.

This is what it sounds like to me: You are such a stupid mother to believe what the doctors and therapists have said about your son after lots of expert evaluation. I, who have been watching your son for the last 20 minutes, know better than you.

Why do they do this? Do they think it will make us feel better? I mean, WTF?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP again...re-read your comments and the OVER-DIAGNOSIS thing is like nails on chalkboard to me. "Oh these days they say EVERY kid has autism. It's all about making money." Makes me want to scream and flail my arms in the air.

Oh and then some say..."His uncle so and so had similar issues and he's fine." Uncle so and so isn't fine. He struggled through school, he has no self esteem, he can't get along with people, and he has spent a small fortune getting therapy as an adult. My goal is to make life easier for my child and help him be indepedent and happily employed. I want him to have meaningful relationships since I am not going to be around forever. GAH!!!

well, here's what's nails on the chalkboard to me: Trying to claim other parents are "in denial" and that their child really has autism.
There's a ton of overdiagnosing of autism on, it's well documented and all over the news these days. Proof is all these "cured" children after a few years of therapy. There are all kinds of special needs out there not just autism.


It works BOTH ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
well, here's what's nails on the chalkboard to me: Trying to claim other parents are "in denial" and that their child really has autism.
There's a ton of overdiagnosing of autism on, it's well documented and all over the news these days. Proof is all these "cured" children after a few years of therapy. There are all kinds of special needs out there not just autism.

It is rude and insensitive to say that any condition is overdiagnosed as a response to a mother saying her child has that condition!!!

No one is disputing that there is controversy about the exact number of cases of different mental illnesses, which makes perfect sense to me, since experts themselves do not agree on the core identification of most (!) of them, and the relationship and comorbidity between some. Every few years, definitions change. A change in labels does not erase the dysfunction and suffering the child and family is going through. And it does not mean a vulnerable parent has to be undermined by such insidious comments.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are doing right by your son. Keep it going!

[Anonymous]

definitely, OP, you rock!

I have a friend with a son with Aspbergers and she has done the PEP preschool, and social skills groups, and arranging weekly play dates. I've watched her son grow over the years and develop social skills and friendships. I don't like to think about what might have been.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
well, here's what's nails on the chalkboard to me: Trying to claim other parents are "in denial" and that their child really has autism.
There's a ton of overdiagnosing of autism on, it's well documented and all over the news these days. Proof is all these "cured" children after a few years of therapy. There are all kinds of special needs out there not just autism.

It is rude and insensitive to say that any condition is overdiagnosed as a response to a mother saying her child has that condition!!!

No one is disputing that there is controversy about the exact number of cases of different mental illnesses, which makes perfect sense to me, since experts themselves do not agree on the core identification of most (!) of them, and the relationship and comorbidity between some. Every few years, definitions change. A change in labels does not erase the dysfunction and suffering the child and family is going through. And it does not mean a vulnerable parent has to be undermined by such insidious comments.

I agree. This has nothing to do with OP's post. If you want to comment on the overdiagnosis of a condition, go ahead. But that's not the issue here. In fact, that's the opposite of the issue here. You come across as heartless and rather cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again...re-read your comments and the OVER-DIAGNOSIS thing is like nails on chalkboard to me. "Oh these days they say EVERY kid has autism. It's all about making money." Makes me want to scream and flail my arms in the air.

Oh and then some say..."His uncle so and so had similar issues and he's fine." Uncle so and so isn't fine. He struggled through school, he has no self esteem, he can't get along with people, and he has spent a small fortune getting therapy as an adult. My goal is to make life easier for my child and help him be indepedent and happily employed. I want him to have meaningful relationships since I am not going to be around forever. GAH!!!

well, here's what's nails on the chalkboard to me: Trying to claim other parents are "in denial" and that their child really has autism.
There's a ton of overdiagnosing of autism on, it's well documented and all over the news these days. Proof is all these "cured" children after a few years of therapy. There are all kinds of special needs out there not just autism.


It works BOTH ways.

This poster frequently comes on the SN boards to rail against the diagnoses of children with ASDs. She is obsessed with it. As all the other posts on this thread indicate, this is deeply offensive to us. It does not work both ways. If we say that our child has been diagnosed with autism by a reputable clinician, the starting point is to agree. the starting point is not to argue about the diagnosis because you have some fixed idea about "what is going on out there."

I have long believed this poster does have a child with an ASD and is fighting the idea, and trying to take the rest of us down with her. If I am wrong, and she does not have a child with an AD, than she doesn't belong on the SN boards.