Anyone have a good friend or relative who went to prison for something serious?

[Anonymous]

If so, did you stay in touch, or do you walk away from the friendship? I'm talking about a serious crime (and time) and a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Felony drug charges. I met him several years afterwards. I was very surprised to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If so, did you stay in touch, or do you walk away from the friendship? I'm talking about a serious crime (and time) and a good friend.

Yes, for vehicular manslaughter. Of course I keep in touch. He is a wonderful person, paying for his mistake.

[Anonymous]

OP. To further clarify: Do you stay in touch while the person is in prison (many many years), or do you walk away? FWIW, the person definitely did commit the crime (not convicted wrongly.)

[Anonymous]

Yes. Husband- now ex.

7 years.

No contact. I don't let him see his kids either-or talk to them on the phone.

[Anonymous]

NP here with a question to the OP: I think the question you have to ask yourself is if this person deserves your compassion during their imprisonment. Are they remorseful for the crime? Do you have compassion in heart for their atonement?
If not, then I don't think staying in touch makes sense. But if you do, then the justification is simple: I am a life line for this person, they deserve my love and letters/visits/redemption and I am willing to give them a second chance.

[Anonymous]

NP here with a question to the OP: I think the question you have to ask yourself is if this person deserves your compassion during their imprisonment. Are they remorseful for the crime? Do you have compassion in heart for their atonement?
If not, then I don't think staying in touch makes sense. But if you do, then the justification is simple: I am a life line for this person, they deserve my love and letters/visits/redemption and I am willing to give them a second chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Husband- now ex.

7 years.

No contact. I don't let him see his kids either-or talk to them on the phone.

What did he do? Do the kids ask about him?

[Anonymous]

My DH's good friend went to prison for rape. I met the guy on the night before he was to be sentenced and I joined DH for a "good bye" dinner. It was weird.

Anyway, I didn't want anything to do with this guy (I think he was probably intoxicated and must have forced his russian internet wife into sex.... he didn't seem like the testosterone-driven violent type. I believe he did it based on what the judge said at the hearing but the guy was in COMPLETE denial.) He got six years. During those six years, he would call our house. Many times, I would answer the phone and hear the automated voice saying there was a collect call from the ... state prison. I knew who it was and certainly didn't want to talk to him, but I also felt akward hanging up on a guy in prison (who my husband considered to be a good friend). DH actually visited him a time or two when he was on work travel in the same state. Things in common dwindled. I think he visited once at our house (which I was opposed to), but the emails and communication have basically ceased.

I think there is something to be said for being charitable with your time and being compassionate even to those who have done serious wrongs. However, over time, I think it is likely you will have less in common and less desire to communicate. Just be careful not to get manipulated or pulled into something with this person in jail. The incarcerated person has every reason to keep you close -- you are his lifeline -- but you don't owe this person anything. Try to set out some boundaries in your mind now.... i.e. one phone call per month. One email per month....or letters at bday and Xmas... decide what you are comfortable doing without getting dragged into someone else's drama. Compassion === yes. Sucker == no.

[Anonymous]

Yes. A relative attempted to kill his wife. I write to him and have visited him in prison. Thankfully his wife was not physically harmed. She is a lovely person and the situation is really sad all the way around. Another relative has been in and out of jails due to drugs and the many crimes associated with doing drugs (dealing, posession, prostitution). That one I am not in touch with for reasons of self preservation. I certainly have an iteresting family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here with a question to the OP: I think the question you have to ask yourself is if this person deserves your compassion during their imprisonment. Are they remorseful for the crime? Do you have compassion in heart for their atonement?
If not, then I don't think staying in touch makes sense. But if you do, then the justification is simple: I am a life line for this person, they deserve my love and letters/visits/redemption and I am willing to give them a second chance.

I think another question is whether or not redemption is possible. What if someone is guilty of a serious sex crime... is there any redemption for sex offenders?

[Anonymous]

Rape.

He deserves nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH's good friend went to prison for rape. I met the guy on the night before he was to be sentenced and I joined DH for a "good bye" dinner. It was weird.

Anyway, I didn't want anything to do with this guy (I think he was probably intoxicated and must have forced his russian internet wife into sex.... he didn't seem like the testosterone-driven violent type. I believe he did it based on what the judge said at the hearing but the guy was in COMPLETE denial.) He got six years. During those six years, he would call our house. Many times, I would answer the phone and hear the automated voice saying there was a collect call from the ... state prison. I knew who it was and certainly didn't want to talk to him, but I also felt akward hanging up on a guy in prison (who my husband considered to be a good friend). DH actually visited him a time or two when he was on work travel in the same state. Things in common dwindled. I think he visited once at our house (which I was opposed to), but the emails and communication have basically ceased.

I think there is something to be said for being charitable with your time and being compassionate even to those who have done serious wrongs. However, over time, I think it is likely you will have less in common and less desire to communicate. Just be careful not to get manipulated or pulled into something with this person in jail. The incarcerated person has every reason to keep you close -- you are his lifeline -- but you don't owe this person anything. Try to set out some boundaries in your mind now.... i.e. one phone call per month. One email per month....or letters at bday and Xmas... decide what you are comfortable doing without getting dragged into someone else's drama. Compassion === yes. Sucker == no.

What was the goodbye dinner like? Did you talk about going to prison or not?

[Anonymous]

Were there going away gifts, like Soap-on-a-Rope?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here with a question to the OP: I think the question you have to ask yourself is if this person deserves your compassion during their imprisonment. Are they remorseful for the crime? Do you have compassion in heart for their atonement?
If not, then I don't think staying in touch makes sense. But if you do, then the justification is simple: I am a life line for this person, they deserve my love and letters/visits/redemption and I am willing to give them a second chance.

I think another question is whether or not redemption is possible. What if someone is guilty of a serious sex crime... is there any redemption for sex offenders?

20:39 here. I think that's up to turn OP, based on the crime, the relationship, OP's morals and values, but not for us to decide.