Are we asking too much?

[Anonymous]

I came online tonight to seek answers for some issues I'm having with my second grader focusing on homework and am AMAZED to have read so many posts that I could have written myself. I'm sure this question has been asked, and addressed before ad nauseam, but are we just asking too much of our kids?? This was the first place I came, so I know there must be a ton of research out there on ADHD, inattention, anxiety disorders, but are we treating a problem that we are actually causing? Is it fair to ask our little boys to sit in a room with very little movement for 8 hours then get frustrated when they won't sit still? Is it right that we get so scared that our child has fallen behind in one area of school when she's doing so well in all others? I wonder (and I know there are likely stats out there) how many children in alternative programs such as Montessori are diagnosed with ADHD compared to traditional programs.

My heart aches for the frustration, the anger, and the angst all the parents and the children on here feel and I can't help thinking there is something to this, something that should be fundamentally changed in order to help. National school reform? Probably, but I'm not that big of a thinker to understand how or what needs to be done. What I do hate to see those is kids who grow up feeling 'labeled' (through not fault of the parents) when it shouldn't have to be.

An unexpected thought stream from a parent who got the perspective she needed. Thank YOU!

[Anonymous]

I so love this post, thank you! I too wonder how nontraditional school children fare with regard to these issues, comparatively speaking. But regardless of any of that I thank you for reminding me about the importance of perspective.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we are asking too much. When my second grade works hard all day long and then tells me he is tired of being too busy when I ask to do homework, I don't blame him!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I totally agree. ES homework especially was the cause of so much frustration and anxiety.

[Anonymous]

I offer an alternative prospective. Yes, schools ask a lot and yes, school is where these problems become glaringly obvious, but I am quite certain that every parent on here sees these problems play out with their kids at home in ways that are wholly unrelated to school work. It's just that school is where the rubber hits the road.

And for what it's worth, I don't believe my son feels "labeled" and I really wish people would stop using that term. I think he feels rather that he is happy to have a name to give the problem and that because of that, he is getting the help and understanding he needs from his wonderful school.

[Anonymous]

No. 21:02, it isn't homework, per se, that is causing the problem.

It's the high stakes standardized tests and the need schools feel to teach to that test.

[Anonymous]

We homeschool and one thing that I know homework will be an issue if the kids go back to regular school. As long as they are keeping up with the material in class, I will support them in blowing off any and all homework (which I'm sure they will - let's ride bikes!)

[Anonymous]

I do think we are asking too much. And I think that childhood has always been particularly challenging for a certain type of child who then grows out of/into/with the same issues into a happy enough adult. But I think that childhood now is a little harder than it used to be for some kids, at least for mine, because it is faster-paced and there is less continuity, more change, always a new set of people everywhere we go, etc. But, besides get support, what can we do??? I ask this in all sincerity. My family can't afford special needs schools and pricey privates. I would love to start a school where kids are allowed move more, learn more organically in smaller classrooms, and run around a lot. I have an education background but I have no idea how to do that.

[Anonymous]

I don't think homework causes special needs. But, I see my kindergartner struggling to stay awake at night after being in school for eight hours and I also see that the homework is not particularly academic but is busy work "Color xyz and cut it out and arrange it in order." I don't see the point, and yes, it's asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I offer an alternative prospective. Yes, schools ask a lot and yes, school is where these problems become glaringly obvious, but I am quite certain that every parent on here sees these problems play out with their kids at home in ways that are wholly unrelated to school work. It's just that school is where the rubber hits the road.

And for what it's worth, I don't believe my son feels "labeled" and I really wish people would stop using that term. I think he feels rather that he is happy to have a name to give the problem and that because of that, he is getting the help and understanding he needs from his wonderful school.

I agree. I also think there is a lot more understanding of learning challenges for all kids than there was 20 years. I think it's incorrect to say that that kids have to sit for 8 hours, I see movement incorporated into learning at all grade levels (we're in FCPS). I also know that when I was in elementary school, we sat for far longer than today's kids do even though we had recess twice a day. I think more homework comes home but I don't make my kids do it. They're tired when they get home and it would cut into what little family time we have. I've spoken to all the teachers about it and haven't gotten any flak. I don't care about test results.

[Anonymous]

If your child has an IEP, you can ask for reduced homework.

Seriously, homework isn't THAT important. Back when I was a kid I didn't even have homework to speak of until late elementary. There were some projects, but not the daily deluge today's kids get.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer is mixed. I don't think the demands of school -- which are very high, in my opinion -- lead to more kids getting labeled. DS has ADHD and a neuropsych we recently consulted, looking over past feedback from even preschool, along with previous testing, said it was obvious going way back that this was going to be an issue.

DS does have a horrible time with homework -- the day is really long and, even with an IEP, there's still a lot of work. It doesn't always get done -- teachers are very understanding. That's the down side.

On the plus side, schools are more aware of how kids learn today and, at least at DS' school, school projects offer many options for kids, that allow kids to show what they learned through a variety of methods: writing, art, building things. Moreover, they often are very creative in their teaching methods for all kids.

[Anonymous]

My 7 year old son has ADHD and maybe Asperger's, too. I don't really think our schools are asking too much of kids. I think they're asking too little. Although my son could read well in Kindergarten, he continued to get homework on the letters of the alphabet, colors, shapes, etc. that he learned way back in preschool. No wonder there were behavior problems because he was absolutely bored silly.

I agree that there should be more physical activity throughout the day, and that the school day should be 9-5 so kids can have more learning time and working parents can know their children are being cared for. The school year should also be year-round with many shorter vacations scattered throughout.

Our school system is outdated and based on an agrarian society that follows the farming calendar. It also doesn't take into account that most women work outside the home. We need to speak out and demand better or the US will continue to decline.

I like that his school gives a weekly homework packet. It gets turned in every Friday, so if he wants to take a night off or we have a family activity planned, it's OK.

[Anonymous]

Unless school systems discover untapped oil reserves, they will never go to a year round calendar. They would have to install A/C in every school, pay teachers more, etc etc. They just don't have the money and the entire county/district would have to be on-board with it. I don't think schools should be free daycare either. I think a shorter summer break is a good idea with slightly longer breaks throughout the year would prevent some of the "summer slide" that wastes instructional time each fall.

[Anonymous]

Somewhat different perspective here. Yes we are probably asking too much, but my DC learned early on that he has to work twice as hard, or really twice as long, to get to the same place as other kids. I don't know that that is a terrible thing to learn since for some it is a lifelong issue.

As to the summer slip - my DC went to the summer program at the Lab School in elementary school so as not to slip. It was important not to start the school year already struggling.