need HR/employee/employer management advice

[Anonymous]

I work for a small organization and am trying to resolve conflict between The Boss and an employee one step below me. Everybody wants the situation improved but it's been a few months and it's still not that great.

I think my boss might be on the edge of mean to the employee in question. She cried today about how mean he's being. Boss is not doing anything illegal and employee is, I think, overly sensitive but I can see her point. He's very confrontational with her a bit more than with the rest of us but it is keeping with his style.

What should I do about this? How do I tell my boss to cool it/be nicer/try to be more sensitive? I have had that exact conversation but he said "managing her takes so my energy" which I disagree with. She's easy for me to manage.

thoughts?

She wants to talk to him but hasn't figured out how. I don't know either. How to tell your boss "i think you are unfairly mean to me?"

[Anonymous]

Sometimes their conversational style is so different that it causes unnecessary stress.

He might say "Get me these reports by 5pm". Direct and to the point.

She hears "Finish these damn reports by 5pm or there'll be hell to pay". Because his tone and pitch and possibly even his speaking speed might be fast, she hears anger and impatience.

He thinks she talks slow and asks confirmation often, so he gets irritated and want to double-check her work , which undermines her confidence and trust and leads her to her conclusion that he's mean and angry.

And on and so forth.

If neither party is willing to be open and talk it out, someone's better off moving.

I read this article about having happy employees: http://boss.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/09/the-secret-to-having-happy-employees/ is to fire the unhappy ones.

For whatever reason, they don't fit in. It's USA, you can fire them. Because you cannot make EVERYONE happy.

[Anonymous]

If she wants to talk to him, she needs to phrase it in a way that says, "This is what will help me to be a better employee." "I respond best to X type of feedback." The whole using "I" messages deal. You know the drill.

But the bottom line is, the boss is not doing anything illegal; he's just kind of a jerk. And a lot of people are jerks. Sometimes you have to deal with a jerk boss. If this employee really can't deal with this person to the point where she's crying at work, then it would be best for her if she found another job. Seriously, life is too short.

[Anonymous]

Also check with her coworkers to see if anyone else have any issues with this boss.

If they do, you might want to look for another job, because this "The Boss" might be a problem for everyone down the road.

[Anonymous]

"How do I tell my boss to cool it/be nicer/try to be more sensitive?"

You don't. You've already had a conversation with him and he disagrees with you. He's the boss, so his view trumps yours. You basically need to counsel the employee to suck it up - "that's just his way, it's probably best you get used to it and not take it personally because it's not personal." Then let the chips fall.