If your DH travels for work...
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Anonymous
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We know a lot about the side of the mom that stays and deals with the kids and takes care of the house while DH is gone but what about DH?
How does he feel about being home just a few days of the week? What's the hard part? Do they feel bad? What they do when they're home to make up for the time they're gone? I'd love to hear your stories... |
Anonymous
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"What they do when they're home to make up for the time they're gone? "
It's impossible for an absentee parent and spouse to make up for the time they're gone. |
Anonymous
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PP that's really unfair.
My DH tries to schedule as many fun activities as possible. |
Anonymous
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My husband travels maybe 25% of the year, usually stacked up in a couple weeks here and there. It is very hard for him and I think it's unfair of the PP to say that it's "impossible" for an absentee parent and spouse to make up for the time they're gone. I agree that it's definitely not a one-for-one trade, but when DH is gone, he Skypes with DD every night before bed. When he gets back, they plan a lot of DD-and-daddy activities, which gives me a break to take that hot bath I've been missing for a week or go to yoga or a movie or whatever.
It's not easy to be the one who does not travel, especially because I also work full time out of the home so my days are pretty long when there is no other adult in the mix, but having also had a job in the past that required a lot of travel, I know that it's not all fun. The appeal of airplanes and hotel rooms and business dinners wears off a lot faster if you have stuff at home that you're missing. |
Anonymous
| We've been pretty lucky that DH has been working for the last 4 years on a client in the DC area. He has short term engagements that take him out of town a week at a time, but only 2-3x/year. I think those weeks are harder on him than me, definitely. We Skype while he's gone, but he still feels like he's missing out. The weekend when he returns is usually great for me. He takes DD out for fun activities, which leaves me free to go get a massage and grab a nice lunch. |
Anonymous
| You ladies give me inspiration. DH rarely travels for work but now has a two-week trip coming up. We have a toddler and an infant and I'm dreading it. But, I know that others do it so I can do it too! |
Anonymous
Your DH sounds like a divorced, weekend ""fun activity" father. 
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Anonymous
I'm 9:48. My advice is to adjust your expectations of what will get done and try to prepare in advance. I plan a week (or two weeks, however long) of simple or prep-in-advance meals for DD and myself. Easy, healthy comfort foods. DH and I clean up the house, change sheets, run dishwasher, etc. before he goes so that the house starts his trip with a clean slate. I also go to bed early, and by that I mean that I watch Netflix in bed most nights rather than trying to catch up on work or house stuff. The first couple days are hard, especially because DD at 21 months just doesn't really understand where her daddy is, but after that, it gets easier. |
Anonymous
Seriously, folks? Shame on you! (and on 9:44) OP here and I'm trying to get some perspective. I SAH and DH has been traveling since we were dating. I'm very comfortable with our "routine" but I wanted to understand what goes on on the other side. One thing that DH said this weekend really stuck with me and that's why I'm posting this. He's not the kind that complains or whines about things and don't usually talks about his feelings. He's very rational so I wanted to explore how the traveling spouses feel. When I ask him he always comes with the same one line answers so I wanted to hear more. To the helpful posters, thanks for sharing your stories. |
Anonymous
| TBH my DH doesn't travel very often, but I actually enjoy when he is gone. I get a lot more done around the house, more one-on-one time with DC. My night time routine is very timely, thus I get me time. When we are all home we try to spend lots of time hanging out and the chores get behind, etc so I get very little me time. It takes some getting used to, but once you figure out how to get things done it really becomes a breeze. Also spending as much time outside as possible helps minimize the mess inside to clean up later. The only thing that isn't easy is cooking, so I try to cook before he leaves then all I have to do is heat up the food. If you try to think of it as 'fun' time with your DC it might also make it easier to handle rather than thinking of it as a burden. |
Anonymous
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My DH usually is gone 3 days a month. So not bad...
We do skype each night (that he can...if he doesn't have work plans) and we plan a special "surprise" treat for when daddy returns and he brings a special "surprise" from whereever he has been. He and DD have some reunion time and I go out and leave them alone for an hour or so to "talk" about where DH was...and tell about his travels. |
Anonymous
You sure can! OP here and if it's just for those 2 weeks it will go by fast! Do you SAH or WOH? Make sure all the "chores" are done before he goes, like PP said so you can start with the house clean. Get carry out for dinner, eat out on the weekends, use disposable plates and silver. Get a teen from the neighborhood to help with night time routine. The teen can play with your toddler while you get dinner ready and prepare the clothes/lunches for next day. Get the teen to help with errands during the weekend like running to the grocery store with you or the cleaners so you can leave the kids in the car while you run in and out. Skipping baths a few days or any other "not absolutely necessary" chores is part of the deal too. And take a deep breath whenever you need it. It will be over soon 
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Anonymous
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Let's face it, when any parent travels frequently, it does have an impact upon the family.
However, most people who travel for work don't have the luxury, especially in this economy, of changing jobs to one that requires less travel. So, you decide--what would be worse for the family: to have no health insurance, to struggle to make ends meet, to lose the house, etc., or to put up with dad having to travel? DH travels frequently for work, but he tries to minimize his stay, calls every night (and in the mornings, too, when he can), and does a special day with the kids when he returns from travel. It is NOT ideal--kids do notice his absence and complain about it--but it would be far less ideal if DH were unemployed. |
Anonymous
| My best friend's DH is a commercial pilot, so he's gone 3-4 days out of the week. I believe they do Skype but it's not always possible with his schedule and the time their kids are available (not in school or awake). It's really hard on my friend. I think they've run into problems where he wants to make the most of his time with the kids, and therefore does the "fun" stuff with them, leaving her more as the disciplinarian and not the "fun one." As for his life on the road...so not glamorous. He has to rent a space to stay at while cross-country and is fairly new to the airline he's at now (he was more senior at the old one). His pay is less b/c he's so junior and she feels like sometimes they're losing money b/c he has to pay for a bed, rather than being put up at a hotel. |
Anonymous
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I used to work in consulting for years and this was very common thing among my male co-workers. The job requires 100% travel, basically, you must go to your client's site and this may not always be in your metro area. Most women would exit the industry when they would start families or stick around only if able to find long term engagements in the metro area where they live. Men, however, tend to be more willing to continue traveling even after starting families. Most of these guys would work 4 days a week, fly in on Monday mornings, fly out on Thursday night, so they'd spend 3 full days at home and 4 days away per week. Essentially, some of them would look at it as being able to spend 3 days off with their families as opposed to only 2.
These are the trends I noticed, not a rule, but just a general trend. Some men clearly seemed to prefer this lifestyle where they would not have to deal with the day to day family grind, they provided for the families financially, and the rest was the responsibility of a wife, who would usually be a SAHM. These tended to be the higher up older consultants that had spend many years doing this, traveling full time away from homes. The younger ones tended to have different views and weren't as happy with travel. I guess age also has something to do with this, where older men grew up in a different generation with slightly diff values. The wives of the younger consultants also tended to be full time working mothers and younger men in general felt more stressed about being away from families. |