Whitman HS Suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is a freshman at whitman and tells me things very similar to the person at 22:31. School starts so early, they have so much work, psat nonsense and pressure start freshman year. Ive already told mine if she feels its too much she can step back and we will find alternatives for her. I don’t understand why this pressure is put on teenagers and can’t imagine how the stress is affecting their growth and development. I understand Jojo had other challenges beyond high school but in general Whitman does not seem a healthy place for young people.

The pressure at Whitman starts with the parents. They are so busy keeping up with the neighbors in the status race that that they don't look around to realize this. They are so eager to have their children succeed that they insist that the academic load be unmanigable. There is no other school in this county where the pressure is like this. I am very familiar with what goes on inside Quince Orchard, Northwest, and Poolesville. The kids there have normal teenage lives and their grades are not the life or death of them.

For the love of God Whitman parents calm down and lay off your kids. It does not matter if they go to Frostburg or Harvard. They will be fine wherever they end up.

Yes, most schools are similar. This is not an isolated thing to Whitman.

It's the same in all the W schools but it is NOT the same everywhere. School rankings is based on how many APs are taken. Whitman is not as bad as wootton or Churchill but the pressure at the W school is far worse than at other schools.

Yes, most schools are similar. This is not an isolated thing to Whitman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is great irony in the fact that many people on this thread (which itself is based on shameful and irresponsible assumptions about what happened to this poor girl) feel the need to preface their comments by pointing out that their kid is gifted/gets great grades/tested into a special program/etc. People (kids and adults) can struggle regardless of whether they generally succeed and occasionally struggle, or struggle all of the time. Having a kid who generally does well doesn't make anyone more knowledgeable or insightful. It simply manifests one source of the pressure that can overwhelm anyone, which is that too many parents derive their self worth from subjective indicators of success achieved by their children. In private, many parents claim that effort, not grades, is what really matters, but then can't wait to get on social media, etc., to brag about deans' lists and straight A's and acceptance letters, without taking a minute to think about the mounting expectations, and accompanying pressures, that creates.

+1 So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if she was taking any antidepressants. These are really dangerous for kids to take, but are still readily prescribed. It explains why she always seemed happy despite having depression. Antidepressants can make you appear to be happy even when you aren’t. In adolesant patients these drugs have been shown to increase suicidality. There are lots of reports of kids who attempted suicide and those who died by suicide while on antidepressants. Also the increasing rate at which they are prescribed for kids might account for why suicide rates have increased.

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/04/22/health/us-suicide-rate-surges-to-a-30-year-high.html?referer=

https://www.google.com/amp/s/articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/02/15/amp/why-are-more-than-one-in-ten-americans-at-risk-for-suicide.https://www.google.com/amp/s/articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/02/15/amp/why-are-more-than-one-in-ten-americans-at-risk-for-suicide.aspx

No - there is lots of misinformation here and it's a much more complicated situation than this. SSRIs do not make you appear to be happy even when you aren't. It is also difficult to measure the number of suicides medication therapy has prevented. These are decisions to be made with a psychiatrist, not after reading an article by an Internet quack.

[Anonymous]

Whitman parent here and I wish people would lay off Whitman in particular. Adolescence is trying under the best of circumstances and sometimes unbearable for people struggling with mental illness. Those struggles can be exacerbated by the school environment, by parents, by the outside world, or by nothing at all. My experience with Whitman (two kids there now) is that it is academically intense but also a caring place, and my kids have thrived there. For a different family, with different kids, it might feel different. But it is not the hell hole that some posters make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whitman parent here and I wish people would lay off Whitman in particular. Adolescence is trying under the best of circumstances and sometimes unbearable for people struggling with mental illness. Those struggles can be exacerbated by the school environment, by parents, by the outside world, or by nothing at all. My experience with Whitman (two kids there now) is that it is academically intense but also a caring place, and my kids have thrived there. For a different family, with different kids, it might feel different. But it is not the hell hole that some posters make it out to be.

Completely agree with this, in my 6th year as a Whitman parent and as a person who knows a lot about teen depression and other mental illnesses.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]This makes me nervous to post. But I feel I should share.

I went to Whitman last year. I started the year happy, but with a diagnosed anxiety disorder and clinical depression. The school triggered a horrible mental breakdown for me. The pressure was never ending and I didn’t know how to fit in. I tried to kill myself 6 weeks into the school year, and thank god I survived. I went to a hospital program for a month, then did school from home through MCPS home and hospital. I now attend a therapeutic school, but I still suffer the damage and Still struggle with suicidal thoughts and self destructive behavior.

I felt like no one wanted to help me, at one point I had dropped all but 2 classes and spent most of the day in the library or goodwins office sobbing and begging to go home. I couldn’t handle so many people, so many assignments, it was horrible for me.

I didn’t know JoJo. But she was so loved, she was amazing. It breaks and shatters my heart to think of her feeling the way I felt, the desperation, the despair. No one deserves to die that way.

Please, protect your children. It’s so easy to be damaged so quickly in irreversible ways. [/quote]

Same kinda thing happened to me. Whitman didn't support or recognize my struggles until i tried to kill myself. I have clinical depression, bpd, an anxiety disorder, ADHD and so much more. The school saw me as a problem and successfully got rid of me. Schools should support students not drive them away to protect their reputation.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]My daughter is a freshman at whitman and tells me things very similar to the person at 22:31. School starts so early, they have so much work, psat nonsense and pressure start freshman year. Ive already told mine if she feels its too much she can step back and we will find alternatives for her. I don’t understand why this pressure is put on teenagers and can’t imagine how the stress is affecting their growth and development. I understand Jojo had other challenges beyond high school but in general Whitman does not seem a healthy place for young people. [/quote]

You are exactly right. Keep supporting her, you are one of the few adults who is getting it right. Whitman is not for everyone, it wasn't for me. My freshmen year i was hospitalized for 4 months after attending the school and being driven toward suicide

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went to Whitman my freshmen year and received no support. No one knew what I was going through. I actively self harmed,used substances (which many students were aware of) and eventually I tried to take my own life, and was close to succeeding. [/quote]

Did you go there in the 90's and your first name starts with a K? If so, I was friends with you and even visited you in the hospital. Glad to hear you're doing well.[/quote]

No sorry, I am in the grade above Jojo. I went to Whitman a couple years ago

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]I wonder if she was taking any antidepressants. These are really dangerous for kids to take, but are still readily prescribed. It explains why she always seemed happy despite having depression. Antidepressants can make you appear to be happy even when you aren’t. In adolesant patients these drugs have been shown to increase suicidality. There are lots of reports of kids who attempted suicide and those who died by suicide while on antidepressants. Also the increasing rate at which they are prescribed for kids might account for why suicide rates have increased.

https://mobile.nytimes.com/2016/04/22/health/us-suicide-rate-surges-to-a-30-year-high.html?referer=

https://www.google.com/amp/s/articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/02/15/amp/why-are-more-than-one-in-ten-americans-at-risk-for-suicide.https://www.google.com/amp/s/articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/02/15/amp/why-are-more-than-one-in-ten-americans-at-risk-for-suicide.aspx[/quote]

I tried to kill myself and have and struggle with clinical depression. If I didn't take antidepressants I would not be alive right now. Your argument does not represent all situations in which anti depressants are used. There are so many different kinds of medication for depression, many don't work for some, its trial and error and some are good for no one. Everyone is different and treatment is individualized because we are all so different

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous]Whitman parent here and I wish people would lay off Whitman in particular. Adolescence is trying under the best of circumstances and sometimes unbearable for people struggling with mental illness. Those struggles can be exacerbated by the school environment, by parents, by the outside world, or by nothing at all. My experience with Whitman (two kids there now) is that it is academically intense but also a caring place, and my kids have thrived there. For a different family, with different kids, it might feel different. But it is not the hell hole that some posters make it out to be.[/quote]


It was a hell hole for me :) AND if suicides and suicide attempts are prevalent at a chocolate (which they are at Whitman), they just aren't usually publicized, the school obviously has problems they need to work on

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went to Whitman my freshmen year and received no support. No one knew what I was going through. I actively self harmed,used substances (which many students were aware of) and eventually I tried to take my own life, and was close to succeeding. I was hospitalized for months. This did not happen purely because of Whitman, suicide happens everywhere around us unfortunately. Whitman however, amoungst most schools do not care for their students enough, or educate them on these issues. We need to be more educated and mental health shouldn't be so taboo to discuss.... PLEASE talk to your children, know the signs. We need to change to prevent tradgedies like this continuing. Suicide is preventable. I'm begging you, open up this conversation no matter how hard and uncomfortable it may be. When I was struggling all I wanted and needed was someone to recognize my symptoms, or to know that I was not alone. I was lucky to survive but many are not so lucky. [/quote]

PP, what helped you in the end? [/quote]

[b][u]No one realized I was hurting to that scale[/u] [/b]until I was put into the hospital. What helped was moving from impatient hospitalization to another program. No one helped me get there but once everyone knew my struggles they were supportive. I was lucky and unlucky. Me getting better was because of my own hard work though. It took a lot [/quote]

There it is. How do we find a way to make this better? If the person is not in a position to verbalize their hurt, how can others know? Maybe we need to hear from folks like this PP who have been there and done that for ideas. What could parents, friends, teachers, counselors be alert for or do better? Clearly people want to help - and obviously every person’s support system is different - but some ideas would be helpful.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whitman parent here and I wish people would lay off Whitman in particular. Adolescence is trying under the best of circumstances and sometimes unbearable for people struggling with mental illness. Those struggles can be exacerbated by the school environment, by parents, by the outside world, or by nothing at all. My experience with Whitman (two kids there now) is that it is academically intense but also a caring place, and my kids have thrived there. For a different family, with different kids, it might feel different. But it is not the hell hole that some posters make it out to be.[/quote]


It was a hell hole for me :) AND if suicides and suicide attempts are prevalent at a chocolate (which they are at Whitman), they just aren't usually publicized, the school obviously has problems they need to work on [/quote]

Exactly. And the W parents need to back the F off their kids. Leave them be. I see threads on here all the time like 'Your kid needs to be in a W school and get into an Ivy or all hope is lost'. I'd rather not be a part of that insanity. I just want happy well-rounded kids.
And the Ivies aren't exactly the path to success that many here think they will be. My state school degree has gotten me further than many of my Ivy educated peers.

[Anonymous]

^^ And to add, I'm not saying that's at all what happened in this case, but I do see an inordinate amount of pressure placed on kids in this area from parents. And I just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Whitman parent here and I wish people would lay off Whitman in particular. Adolescence is trying under the best of circumstances and sometimes unbearable for people struggling with mental illness. Those struggles can be exacerbated by the school environment, by parents, by the outside world, or by nothing at all. My experience with Whitman (two kids there now) is that it is academically intense but also a caring place, and my kids have thrived there. For a different family, with different kids, it might feel different. But it is not the hell hole that some posters make it out to be.[/quote]


It was a hell hole for me :) AND if suicides and suicide attempts are prevalent at a chocolate (which they are at Whitman), they just aren't usually publicized, the school obviously has problems they need to work on [/quote]

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I am not sure why quotes are not working....

You are brave to speak up. See parents are imperfect and they don't know everything. Parents will say "everything is alright" "this is rare" "there were other things going on" to convince themselves this.will.never.happen.to.me... they are doing the right thing for their child... and maybe they are, who knows. Also, When people say.... "My experience".... that statement invalidates "your experience". I don't think this parent is trying to invalidate your experience but alas that is what she is doing.

Whitman is one of the riches schools in the nation. I really feel like if Whitman can't figure this out who can. I mean Churchill has a nice new football stadium and Wootton has a great new scoreboard (or is that Churchill too), I can't keep track.

Why can't these school raise money to provide support for students struggling. Nobody is going to talk about it and they will hide behind confidentiality. Don't want AP scores to go down.

It's hard to believe that parents don't see it. Even if their child is just "not sleeping 8 hours" *(which is a huge health issue), or crying all the time, or feeling anxious all the time, or hasn't gotten fresh air in weeks. They don't see those as issues until it is cutting or suicide or refusing to go to school.

Anyway, I just want you to know ... don't let people silence "your experience" with "their experience". I know lots of kids going through this or have gone through this. You have it right. It does not have to be this stressful. Kids don't need to all follow the same path to a fulfilling life. Happiness is not attending a "ranked" college with 32 credits under your belt coming from HS.

I wish you fulfillment on your own path.

[Anonymous]

I have a daughter at Whitman and in mostly AP classes. The pressure from school and teachers is pretty high, she says. I don't need to pressure her because of that. What I have struggled to do is finding ways for her to relax about it and provide perspective. I am fully aware of the amount of pressure her friends are under at school and at home. There's been a lot of discussion as a result of this terrible tragedy about dealing with it. Instead of pointing fingers, wouldn't it be great if we all came together to try to help the school find a way to help our kids deal with pressure?
We entrust the school with our most precious people and I think that we, as parents, have to take a more active role in that. There is a way to make the environment they are in more positive. This is a wake up call for us.