Are we ready for the Thanksgiving Vent thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First year in 40 years I did not have to worry about my mother or my sister ruining Thanksgiving.

My mother died a few months ago. My sister now blames me for her hating my mother for the last 40 years.

Bye.... Not my problem any more. YAY

Your sister blames you because your sister hated your mom for 40 years?

If yes, that is craaaazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First year in 40 years I did not have to worry about my mother or my sister ruining Thanksgiving.

My mother died a few months ago. My sister now blames me for her hating my mother for the last 40 years.

Bye.... Not my problem any more. YAY

Your sister blames you because your sister hated your mom for 40 years?

If yes, that is craaaazy.

Agree it's nuts but also yay for PP that she is finally free of these toxic family members! Liberation! Hope she had a peaceful and drama free holiday even if she is understandably thinking about her family and their dysfunction (holidays will do that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wanted to take a family picture before dinner. Asked my mom to swap spots with one of my kids to get in the middle. Step dad (of 6 years) went irate, walked off, used horrible language. I encouraged him to come back saying we were just getting set up and no pictures were taken yet. He came back then went off on my (smiling and completely unaware of what was happening) teenage son telling him to move out of his Fing way (ps step dad claims to love our kids and our kids have only ever shown anything but love and respect, can’t say the same for him). We won’t be coming back for unless he’s on medication. I’m actually pretty furious, wasn't afraid to let him know it, and can’t wait to leave.

Terrible! I feel bad for your mom. I know she chose him but yuck. Was he always this bad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband grew up very different from me.
You know how you can tell you are at a Thanksgiving with Southern White old money?
Thanksgiving is at someone’s beach house with 9 bedrooms and 9 bathrooms……and the Dog show is on the big TV and they are drunk and can’t be pulled away from the dog show…

My husband’s brother and wife and boys get to stay with his parents at the beach house. Us? Nope. Husband married a girl from the hood who got 3 degrees from a top 10 school…..but I wasn’t what they approved of….not good enough. It’s sorta better now after 25 years..They warmed up to me after my daughter literally aced the SAT at 13. I guess my genetics weren’t “unfortunate” after all. Sorry. Still pissed about things said to me after marriage.

Vent over. Leaving in 18 hours……I don’t drink. Arrg.

So where do you stay and why didn't your husband say anything about staying at the 9 bedroom house?

We are in a hotel nearby. Husband will make excuses, but has gotten better about it.. If I point out things, he will snap and say it’s my fault for not something minor, like not agreeing to go to Thanksgiving 6 months in advance when I wasn’t sure if our daughter could come with us as she is in college. (Yes, these issues have caused marriage problems.)

Husband has been in therapy for years dealing with the damage from mostly his father. Husband wants to try to have a connection with his only sibling, his brother.
I have suggested he speak up about the clear favoritism of his parents and how it hurts him. Husband just says “We don’t need their money, and I don’t want it because it comes with strings.”

My brother-in-law married the typical Southern debutant. My husband’s parents are now best buds with brother-in-laws wife’s parents and they do things like take 3 month cruises together. Brother-in-law gets tons of “zero interest loans they can pay back when ever” It totals millions now. Us? Nothing.

Are you a different race from your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW, YOUR DAUGHTER SURE LIKES TO SLEEP!
GRANDDAUGHTER SUREEEEEE LIKES TO SLEEP!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL SLEEP SO LATE!
GOOD MORNING, SLEEPYHEAD!
WOW, THERE SHE IS!

This nonsense goes on from 6 a.m. forward.

Same. We are not in that person's house today, but we hear this all the time when we are.

I'm adding this to my list of things never to say.

My dad used to say "She lives!" when I'd get up at like 9am on a holiday. So grating. I will never understand people who are resentful that someone is getting rest. Unless there are chores to be done and someone has an obligation or commitment to do them early, why do you care?

This gave me a flashback to my grandpa who loved to sleep in on the weekend. He’d roll out of bed at 11:00 and proclaim to everyone there “he has risen”. You always get a free pass to sleep in when you like to make your grandkids bacon and eggs at 11:00 pm the night before. Love you and miss you grandpa, the holidays aren’t the same without you ♥️

[Anonymous]

DH left DC and I this fall, divorce is barely underway, and we are fragile. A friend invited us over for Thanksgiving with a big group of other families. Then this friend decided to make everyone go around saying what they were thankful for. She went first and I was next to her and was last. The 6 people before me alternated saying they were thankful for their family and thankful for their husband. I’m not sure what I even said. I was the only person there not in a couple but only about half the guests know about what STBX did, so it wasn’t ill-intentioned but was still a gut punch.

DC was at the kids’ table at least.

I can’t get curl up and watch a movie tonight because I have a meeting with my attorney tomorrow to prepare a ton of stuff for a court hearing next week, and I have to clean up my kitchen from making the sides and pies that no one ended up eating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH left DC and I this fall, divorce is barely underway, and we are fragile. A friend invited us over for Thanksgiving with a big group of other families. Then this friend decided to make everyone go around saying what they were thankful for. She went first and I was next to her and was last. The 6 people before me alternated saying they were thankful for their family and thankful for their husband. I’m not sure what I even said. I was the only person there not in a couple but only about half the guests know about what STBX did, so it wasn’t ill-intentioned but was still a gut punch.

DC was at the kids’ table at least.

I can’t get curl up and watch a movie tonight because I have a meeting with my attorney tomorrow to prepare a ton of stuff for a court hearing next week, and I have to clean up my kitchen from making the sides and pies that no one ended up eating.

Sending love to you tonight PP. Even if you can't indulge in some self care tonight, make a plan to do so tomorrow after your meeting. Hug your DC and tell them how much you live them. Think about how you are going to fill your home with love now that it's the two of you, and how you are stronger and better off without someone who can't appreciate you.

And no you aren't the only one are going tonight. I'm there too. Holidays are hard when life isn't looking or feeling great. But we'll get through it. We will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

Gross. It isn't op's job to teach and coach an adult man. You and I both agree he is capable of managing and figuring out this task but you're as bad as op in making her responsible for showing him how to do this. Ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

Well, he never had proper parents and a stable household, so how would he know how? Teaching and helping a partner to learn a skill they actively want to learn is not “babying.”

But you don’t want a partner, you want a toy boy, so there’s that.

Wrong. You are forcing so much dysfunction upon op. The man is capable of figuring this out without op babying him. Having grown up in foster care doesn't mean one is incapable of figuring out how to cook a meal. Op isn't responsible for this. This isn't 1950.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

Well, he never had proper parents and a stable household, so how would he know how? Teaching and helping a partner to learn a skill they actively want to learn is not “babying.”

But you don’t want a partner, you want a toy boy, so there’s that.

If only there was some sort of device that held instructions for literally everything in the entire world….and if only it was small enough men could carry it around with them wherever they go so they could always get their questions answered…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

This whole post is sad and IMO an example of someone who doesn't know how to give thanks.

+1. Unlike other posts here which are funny because many of us can relate, this is sad and depressing. These poor kids. OP please think long and hard about what you’ve written here. You do not appear to be a healed or caring person yourself.

Not op but you need to crawl back to 1950. There's nothing unreasonable about op's position. You need therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

You are sexy without the man-boy. You can't fix him. Break up after the holidays, at the latest.

She is definitely not sexy. How hard is it to order a Thanksgiving meal? Geez. Do it for your BF and kids. I can't believe kids have to be subjected to pizza for every holiday.

My gawd! The f'ing torture for those poor children. Waaaaaaaaaaaa. The humanity....

Who the f are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

You are sexy without the man-boy. You can't fix him. Break up after the holidays, at the latest.

She is definitely not sexy. How hard is it to order a Thanksgiving meal? Geez. Do it for your BF and kids. I can't believe kids have to be subjected to pizza for every holiday.

If it's so easy, why can't the BF do it since he volunteered to take charge?

It sounds like he asked for input and she didn't give it to him. "Ham or turkey?" "Cook or cater?"

You are a broken record of ridiculousness. You hate women, don't you.

[Anonymous]

I am single and childless and live far from family so I was really excited to spend the holiday with a friend and her extended family. They are all lovely people and I was happy to be surrounded by the joyful chaos of all the kids playing and everybody talking over one another at dinner.

I spent hours yesterday making my favorite Thanksgiving dish: pecan pie. We were all supposed to go to a different house to eat dessert after the football game they were watching ended. As I was carrying the pie to my car on their darkened driveway I tripped and fell flat on my face and ended up with a nasty bruise on my leg and a pie dish that shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.

They were all so lovely about it but I just wanted to cry. I was really excited for that pie and wanted to show it off and share it with all of them. Instead they had to help me clean up broken glass and I ended up going home right away partly to ice my leg and partly bc I didn’t want to cry and spoil their holiday. And I can’t afford to make myself another pie bc pecans are so expensive and I am too broke. It was a special splurge for the holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WOW, YOUR DAUGHTER SURE LIKES TO SLEEP!
GRANDDAUGHTER SUREEEEEE LIKES TO SLEEP!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ALL SLEEP SO LATE!
GOOD MORNING, SLEEPYHEAD!
WOW, THERE SHE IS!

This nonsense goes on from 6 a.m. forward.

Same. We are not in that person's house today, but we hear this all the time when we are.

I'm adding this to my list of things never to say.

My dad used to say "She lives!" when I'd get up at like 9am on a holiday. So grating. I will never understand people who are resentful that someone is getting rest. Unless there are chores to be done and someone has an obligation or commitment to do them early, why do you care?

This gave me a flashback to my grandpa who loved to sleep in on the weekend. He’d roll out of bed at 11:00 and proclaim to everyone there “he has risen”. You always get a free pass to sleep in when you like to make your grandkids bacon and eggs at 11:00 pm the night before. Love you and miss you grandpa, the holidays aren’t the same without you ♥️

This is so sweet!