Judgement and stares in public with a big family - a vent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

Honestly I notice it most in Germany. We have 5 kids and back when I had them al at home in the early oughts, we would get a lot of looks and comments. Large families are still not super common in Europe and thought to be vulgar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP probably feels free tho to complain about how difficult things are or how exhausted she is with all those kids.

This.

[Anonymous]

If I am staring, it is because I'm wondering how your kids are so well behaved when my fewer kids are uncontrollable. I often see big families and their kids are standing quietly or talking with each other - and mine are fighting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.

Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?

I’d say pretty much all they do is buy food and eat a bunch of sandwiches pasta with jars of sauce.

Kids do their own laundry. The older kids are essentially second, third fourth parents.

Mom usually takes care of the infant, but once they’re toddlers, they just sent them off with the older children.

As for sports, they need to get rides with friends. Or an older sibling drives them.

Listen, the way you’re raising your children and the way these children are raised is very, very, very different.
Most of the kids have to fend for themselves

Talk about your stereotypes. I grew up in a family with five kids. It wasn’t as unusual in the 60s, 70s and 80s. We had no religion in our family, we were spread out in age over 15 years. My mother did everything. She would cook two rotisserie chickens, peel potatoes and mash them, buy the vegetables and boil them. Not a great cook but the food was basic healthy with nothing added to it. None of us did our own laundry or make our own beds.

Back then it was easier because kids didn’t go to organized sports until middle school. We had close by relatives also. The boys in the family played hockey, football, lacrosse with one going pro, one to D3 hockey. My father picked me up from my activity at 9 pm. My mother would drive us around until we had our licenses. We had a middle class lifestyle with private insurance, no need for government assistance.

Not as many big families anymore but also no reason to spew hate and misinformation when you see one.

How odd. I was an only child and always made my bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I’m staring with mildly horrified fascination and thanking my lucky stars I’m not you.

Seriously. How do you keep everyone fed? Someone must be hungry, not everyone can get as much as they need with 9 people to feed at every meal. Is the dishwasher going constantly? The laundry? How do you make it to the kid’s back to school nights? How do they get to sports/activity practice?

I’d say pretty much all they do is buy food and eat a bunch of sandwiches pasta with jars of sauce.

Kids do their own laundry. The older kids are essentially second, third fourth parents.

Mom usually takes care of the infant, but once they’re toddlers, they just sent them off with the older children.

As for sports, they need to get rides with friends. Or an older sibling drives them.

Listen, the way you’re raising your children and the way these children are raised is very, very, very different.
Most of the kids have to fend for themselves

Talk about your stereotypes. I grew up in a family with five kids. It wasn’t as unusual in the 60s, 70s and 80s. We had no religion in our family, we were spread out in age over 15 years. My mother did everything. She would cook two rotisserie chickens, peel potatoes and mash them, buy the vegetables and boil them. Not a great cook but the food was basic healthy with nothing added to it. None of us did our own laundry or make our own beds.

Back then it was easier because kids didn’t go to organized sports until middle school. We had close by relatives also. The boys in the family played hockey, football, lacrosse with one going pro, one to D3 hockey. My father picked me up from my activity at 9 pm. My mother would drive us around until we had our licenses. We had a middle class lifestyle with private insurance, no need for government assistance.

Not as many big families anymore but also no reason to spew hate and misinformation when you see one.

How odd. I was an only child and always made my bed.

I’m from a big family (larger than OPs). We all made our own beds but did not do our laundry as the laundry machine was basically my mom’s savior. If anyone broke the washing machine that would be a total disaster for her, so we were all banned from it. We folded laundry out of dryer and did the ironing. If the dishwasher broke, which it often did, we kids just washed dishes by hand. But the laundry machine was sacrosanct!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Posts like this scream " I want attention". So I assume that's what you're like out and about too.

That and having that many kids. You're literally inviting attention 24/7.

[Anonymous]

My daughter attends a Catholic school where large families are not uncommon. If I stare at large families, it’s because I love kids and wish we had more - but we started late because DH had very serious health issues, and I don’t think we could afford more than our current two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

I just want to know what makes you think you're UMC. Especially typical UMC, which is definitely not 7 kids. Dear God. "A bit more kids"....more than 2x the typical number.

UMC is the definition of a certain income.

[Anonymous]

Ha ha! You had the energy to have sex and your DH was interested in having sex...that is admirable.

Same baby mama and same baby daddy, right?

Bravo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

It takes a very low income to be on Medicaid.

Not if you have seven kids. In Maryland, with a household size of 8 your kids can be on Medicaid, even if you're making $14,000 a month.

Even if that were true, which it isn’t, no one on DCUM would call $14,000 a month UMC.

Those are the guidelines published by the state of Maryland. Why are you convinced they aren't true? Did you look at them before you said that?

And no one said anything about "UMC" but you. Someone said "[s]even kids are probably on Medicaid" and that's just true. Even there the income guidelines are stricter, large families don't need to be very low income for their kids to qualify.

40% of children in America are on Medicaid. For kids, it's not just the very poor.

They are probably on their father’s insurance plan from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - who'd of thought there'd be so much vitriol? I wouldn't do it (the 3 we have just about did me in physically in the younger years and emotionally during the teenage years), but I don't care what other families do. I can't imagine paying for 7 sets of braces, 7 sets of summer camp, 7 sets of college education, etc., but good for you!

It is unusual, which is why people stare

Seven kids will get them lots of financial aid for college. Parents aren’t paying. Seven kids are probably on Medicaid, so parents aren’t paying for that either. And if Medicaid doesn’t cover for braces, the kids will have crooked teeth until they are old enough to get them fixed ad an adult. With seven kids, there’s no need for summer camp. They are the camp.

It takes a very low income to be on Medicaid.

Not if you have seven kids. In Maryland, with a household size of 8 your kids can be on Medicaid, even if you're making $14,000 a month.

Even if that were true, which it isn’t, no one on DCUM would call $14,000 a month UMC.

I don’t know who these “no ones” are but UMC incomes start at about 170k. Half of people living in the DMV have incomes under $150k.

Keep it factual please.

[Anonymous]

Awww congrats! Love a big family! What a blessing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 7 babies. 4 DD’s ages 4,9,12,17 and 3 DS’s ages 7,13 & 15 and one thing that really bothers me is comments in public when we’re all out about how many kids we have, about how we do it, why we had that many, etc. We’ve gotten a lot of rude comments and looks. It’s summer now so we get more. I know it’s expected and most people are curious and don’t mean any harm but it’s really annoying and feels invasive. We’re just a typical UMC family, not rich or anything, and have just had a bit more kids than most others.

The irony is you're being judged by "pro-choicers", who can't process the fact that some couples choose to have a larger than average number of children.

Absolutely judging

Those families are selfish and many are pedos

They don’t prioritize their children they breed and have the oldest take card if the youngest

Boo hoo. Don’t you have cats to feed?

[Anonymous]

Own your choices OP. It’s that simple.