Calling all nice people - what to do about the mean people on DCUM

[Anonymous]

Have you ever gotten a mean, snarky post for absolutely no reason at all? For example you complain that your house is so big that it's hard to keep clean and the mean posters berate you for complaining that you live in a big house? Or you complain that your child can't get enough play dates at his house even though you have a tennis court and swimming pool and the mean posters will be put off and unsupportive because you're rich? Or you're put off when you read women are bashing Michelle Duggar for having so many children so you argue the other point, and then the women all turn on you?

It happens with too much regularity here on DCUM. What do you think can be done about it? Should we all squash the mean poster as a way to discourage others too? Should we all start a new identical thread and keep starting new threads until the mean posters get off? Should we be more mean back to them? Any ideas on how to squash mean spiritedness and bring more civil discussions or even debates to DCUM?

[Anonymous]

Could you use baby center instead? Or simply use a forum that is not anonymous? There are lots out there. I'm not sure why you are so stunned, it is what it is, and people still keep coming back.

[Anonymous]

OP - were you a Hall Monitor in school?

It's called the free exchange of ideas. Not high school.

[Anonymous]

Thicken your skin and stop taking things so personally.

[Anonymous]

OP - Some of the "mean" posts are to give the OPs perspective. Check out your examples.

[Anonymous]

OP - Find a friend if you just want someone to agree with you. People are honest and sometimes it is mean and real. People need to hear the truth. Maybe the internet is not for you...try your local coffee shop if you only want to talk to nice people.

[Anonymous]

The first rule of thumb when posting on any bulletin board, but most especially one that is completely anonymous like DCUM (e.g. without even masking usernames), is that you people will feel free to say things they would never say in person. When using such a forum, take the responses that are useful to yourself and ignore the rest.

[Anonymous]

That is what is so amusing about DCUM - people will give it to you raw.

You don't return your shopping cart? - you suck
You're pregnant and want to sit down on metro? - you're not entitled
You have signficant debt? - you must be irresponsible and dumb.
You can't sppelll wurds? - wait for the grammar police

[Anonymous]

Misery loves company. I figure if that it what it takes for them to get through their day, I will just feel sorry that they are that miserable, at least by my standards. Maybe they have to kiss ass all day long and want to take a few minutes to let their inner dickwad out? Who really knows.

OP, it's time to thicken that skin. I used to get irritated about it but now, I just move on. I do think that some of the "mean" posters do have valid opinions that may oppose the person who began the thread but there's no need to be a jerk about it.

[Anonymous]

Mock them mercilessly.

Seriously though, one thing I have noticed that has absolutely fascinated me about DCUM is that I will post something, and from that post, people will infer all kinds of things that aren't true. It makes me think that when they read posts they automatically project to someone they know and they get a picture in their head as if they are responding to that person in a way they never would in real life.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry that you had this bad experience on DCUM. Honestly, though, this is so universal that the idea that we should all go squash the mean poster is a little ludicrous, isn't it. Because we would all be on every thread, squashing "the mean poster." And starting new, identical threads would be a terrible idea.

And the mean poster is us. The mean poster may, in fact, be you tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

I've been a DCUM since 2003 when it was a listserve and you didn't often get the vitrolic, accusatory responses like you get on the forum. I like the forum format and post most frequently on the Special Needs forum and don't encounter this a lot (and trolls/negative people are usually just ignored). But I recently started this thread http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/209337.page . I am/was looking for information from people who had experience with temporary guardianship or had information to offer. When the majority of responses were from people who had no experience and were, instead, negative and unhelpful, I asked Jeff if he would be so kind to ask people to stick to the question asked and he did. I have no problem doing that because I had already asked people to stick to the question asked and Jeff has made it clear that he wants DCUM to be a place people find useful, participate and feel comfortable posting. When my post gets hijacked like that, I appreciate that he's willing to help get it back on course. I've also reported threads to him where a significant number of posts were abusive to the OP or not furthering discussion. I don't often do that but I, too, want DCUM to be useful place. Some posts are for discussion, some are from seeking information, some are seeking support. It's an open forum put that doesn't mean it's a free for all. People are welcome to start their own threads if they want to debate or pontificate.

Of course, not everyone feels the same way. When Jeff intervened in my thread, someone complained to him via the Feedback forum http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/209397.page . I think he explains further his thoughts on the website and his actions. I don't report very often, I usually try to ignore or nicely ask that people limit responses to the question asked. But, I do appreciate Jeff's willingness to keep an eye on things. I hope it lasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been a DCUM since 2003 when it was a listserve and you didn't often get the vitrolic, accusatory responses like you get on the forum. I like the forum format and post most frequently on the Special Needs forum and don't encounter this a lot (and trolls/negative people are usually just ignored). But I recently started this thread http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/209337.page . I am/was looking for information from people who had experience with temporary guardianship or had information to offer. When the majority of responses were from people who had no experience and were, instead, negative and unhelpful, I asked Jeff if he would be so kind to ask people to stick to the question asked and he did. I have no problem doing that because I had already asked people to stick to the question asked and Jeff has made it clear that he wants DCUM to be a place people find useful, participate and feel comfortable posting. When my post gets hijacked like that, I appreciate that he's willing to help get it back on course. I've also reported threads to him where a significant number of posts were abusive to the OP or not furthering discussion. I don't often do that but I, too, want DCUM to be useful place. Some posts are for discussion, some are from seeking information, some are seeking support. It's an open forum put that doesn't mean it's a free for all. People are welcome to start their own threads if they want to debate or pontificate.

Of course, not everyone feels the same way. When Jeff intervened in my thread, someone complained to him via the Feedback forum http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/209397.page . I think he explains further his thoughts on the website and his actions. I don't report very often, I usually try to ignore or nicely ask that people limit responses to the question asked. But, I do appreciate Jeff's willingness to keep an eye on things. I hope it lasts.

No, people were challenging the very premise of your very bad idea and you went crying to Jeff because you couldn't handle it, and, yes, he responded, but he's catching grief for it on the feedback page now because what he did, really, was stifle a legitimate discussion to appease your own delicate sensibilities. I understand Jeff's reason for doing it, although I disagree with it and believe he hurt the site's credibility to some degree. Those weren't snarky responses. Those were bonafide objections to the idea that you were trying to get custody of someone else's children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you ever gotten a mean, snarky post for absolutely no reason at all? For example you complain that your house is so big that it's hard to keep clean and the mean posters berate you for complaining that you live in a big house? Or you complain that your child can't get enough play dates at his house even though you have a tennis court and swimming pool and the mean posters will be put off and unsupportive because you're rich? Or you're put off when you read women are bashing Michelle Duggar for having so many children so you argue the other point, and then the women all turn on you?

It happens with too much regularity here on DCUM. What do you think can be done about it? Should we all squash the mean poster as a way to discourage others too? Should we all start a new identical thread and keep starting new threads until the mean posters get off? Should we be more mean back to them? Any ideas on how to squash mean spiritedness and bring more civil discussions or even debates to DCUM?

Maybe if you stopped bragging about your big house, people would be nicer.

[Anonymous]

Op..if you can't handle snarky remarks then you need to think about how you phrase things. Instead of coming off as braggy (we have a pool,tennis courts and every toy imaginable) instead phrase it like "i think we have activities at our house that kids qouls like, but we dont really host a lot of playdates. How do you guys set up playdates at your own home?". I guarantee if you sont come off as braggy and stuck up, you'll get helpful responses.