Was I being insensitive?

[cmkeough]

So last night when I was holding DD (5.5 months old) I said to her with my DH present "You are my most favorite person in the whole world.". Well, guess who threw a tantrum? DH said that was a ridiculous thing to say and how could I say that. My response was "Well, I hope she's your most favorite person." This ended up going back and forth, although I guess it can be insensitive but holy crap...he makes comments all the time saying she's the smartest, prettiest etc... WTH? Was I out of line? I've been known to be a little insensitive at times but I think he just blew it out of porportion.

Needless to say DD was DEFINATELY my most favorite person in the whole world after last night.

[Anonymous]

Oh, this has happened to be me before too. And what's even worse for me? It's kind of true. While I truly love my husband, I feel like there is no feeling in the world like the love you feel for your child. I wonder if this is just a Mom thing because though my husband also loves our child to death, I don't get the sense it's the same bond I have. I do try and avoid making comments like that in front of him now, though.

[cmkeough]

Ha, thanks...obviously I will try to avoid the comments too. I think you're right, it's a different bond.

Not to mention that when they're so little they don't piss you off, unlike DH at times.

[Anonymous]

Excellent point! Did you tell him that? I would have...

[Anonymous]

I think that's probably happened to all of us at one time or another. And while different husbands react differently, I'm sure it bothers them all. I hope he gets over it quickly!

[Anonymous]

My husband freaked when I called my son "my favorite fella". When I was telling my mom about it I told her that although I loved my husband, I don't think I'd throw my body in front of a train/bus/etc. for him but I would for my child. It's a different kind of love!

[Anonymous]

I hope that he had the tantrum AFTER your daughter was out of the room. She doesn't need to know that your dad feels some kind of rivalry. And it's just a fact, I will never love anyone the way that I love my beloved baby.

Maybe the child love starts to mellow as the child becomes an adult? Then DH will have a fighting chance at reclaiming his title.

[Anonymous]

My Dh has a similar reaction when I say things like that, though he laughs it off. I did feel a little guilty though when I totally forgot our anniversary. Whoops!

[Anonymous]

Totally normal feelings on both of your parts.

The first couple of years can be hard on the non-birth parent when the bond between the birth mother and the baby is so very strong. It will change when your child "discovers" your dh - which usually happens around 2 y/o.

[Anonymous]

Interesting, this is what DH says about DS all the time. We both agreed when he was a newborn, our son was the favorite. I'm glad DS is my husband's favorite, that's the way it is supposed to be.

He has to be. We put DS before ourselves, this means that anything going on in our marriage has to be completely resolved as to not impact our children. Kids First.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: We put DS before ourselves, this means that anything going on in our marriage has to be completely resolved as to not impact our children. Kids First.

I'm of the opposite opinion. I think DH is first in my life, above all else, including DD. If DH and I dont have a solid relationship, then how can we provide DD with a happy home. If DD needs to take a backseat to our relationship - not at the expense of her health or safety or anything - then, thats the best thing we can do for her.

[Anonymous]

Hey, this seems like an opportune time to revisit this fun and provocative essay that drew much attention when it was published in the NY Times.

I'm totally pulling this out of context, and the whole thing is worth a read, but here's the, er, pertinent part:

"It is his face that inspires in me paroxysms of infatuated devotion. If a good mother is one who loves her child more than anyone else in the world, I am not a good mother. I am in fact a bad mother. I love my husband more than I love my children."

http://www.ayeletwaldman.com/truly.html

[Anonymous]

I have to agree with one of the previous posters in that my husband - after seven years - is my one, true, great, all-encompassing love. I obviously love my children with all my heart but the love I feel for them is different. I would choose to save my children before saving my husband if I was in some sort of life threatening emergency, but it would only be because my children are far more vulnerable, have their whole lives ahead of them, and are less likely to be able to help themselves (not because I love them "more" than my husband).

[Anonymous]

I disagree. I look at my children as a part of me. I look at my husband as a part of the world that I happen to love very much.

[Anonymous]

It is totally normal to love a child more than a darling spouse, but because one ALSO loves said spouse, it is very important not to hurt them intentionally. So if such comments cause angst, try to avoid them, but not to the extent that you try to hide your love for your child altogether. Children thrive on love, and besides, your spouse likely feels the same way as you do!! And when those teenage years come along, you and dear spouse will need to stick together and will rediscover what is wonderful about each other all the more ... or so I hear!