How to determine best fit?

[Anonymous]

I am starting to research private schools in the area for my son. I have been reading many posts on this board about how it is really all about how your child fits into a school's particular philosophy. My son will be entering kindergarten, so I don't really know what will work for him yet. Can anyone give me some advice on what to look for and how it pertains to a child who has not started school yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am starting to research private schools in the area for my son. I have been reading many posts on this board about how it is really all about how your child fits into a school's particular philosophy. My son will be entering kindergarten, so I don't really know what will work for him yet. Can anyone give me some advice on what to look for and how it pertains to a child who has not started school yet?

Don't take the "fit" talk too seriously. After all, we are talking about a 5 year old, right. Provided your DC does not have any major self-management issues ( read : major ADD, is violent, or a total brat) your DC will probably fit in anywhere that has cool toys, a nice play ground and nice kids to play with, right. The term phrase " right fit " however is a euphamism for how YOU fit into the school in terms of what you bring to the table ( diversity( all forms: racial,socio-econ, GLBT, ethnic( foreign born), high profile professionally, wealth ( read: able to donate), alum status, or just really cute kid w/ great WIPPSI and knock out or very very sweet personality that will reflect very well on you and DH). Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

Fit can be a serious issue even for a kid who has no major "issues." Some environments bring out the best in some people; some bring out the worst. Some environments will steer your kid in directions you approve of; others may send them to places you don't want them to go.

I didn't get preschool right for my DC (and had two tries). Luckily, third time was a charm (I learned something different from each mistake) and fit has been lasting -- started at PreK and will enter HS soon.

But it can be hard to tell in the abstract, especially at that age. So my honest answer to how do you know would have to be through "trial-and-error." (And maybe that it's more important to choose an environment that plays to your kid's strengths rather than looking for an environment that will pull him/her out of some comfort zone.) In all cases, we chose schools whose value systems seemed reasonably close to our own -- that's the relatively easy part, but it's definitely not the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

I think "fit" also can just mean a place where you and your child feel comfortable. With some school tours, I could see myself and my child as part of the community, and with others I just could not. Totally subjective.

[Anonymous]

I, too, think "fit" can make a difference in a kid's experience at school - maybe only at the margins, but it can matter. For example, one of my DCs can be quite anxious. A more traditional, structured school works better for her - the predictable routine allows her to know exactly what will happen when each day at school, thus cutting down substantially on her anxiety. (We tried her in montessori before thinking about this more, and it was a disaster.) Our other kid loves loves loves sports but is not gifted athletically. We started out with him in a school that we loved for many reasons but was very "sporty," which was apparent even in lower school. My son would come home from school and say that he was only good at passing the ball and not at shooting, for example - and this is just at recess, which was uber-competitive re: sports. We moved him to an equally academically good fit school, but one that is not nearly as sporty, and he is SO much happier. He gets to play soccer/football/baseball every day and actually plays and feels good about it. Neither of my kids, by the way, would present at all as having major or even minor issues - but fit absolutely plays a big role in their happiness each and every day. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, nay sayer here. Honestly, all of the big private schools in Washington have well oiled PR, similar if not identical applicant pools ( read: eventual classroom make up) and parents who work in the same professions one finds in Washington: World Bank, IMF, Congress, Lobbyist, Law, Media, various think tanks, diplomatic corps. Schools may have slightly different mission statements, but a school's ability to live and educate in faith with its mission statement is largely dependent on how financially secure they are and whether or not they are trying to improve their schools physical plant. The 100 million dollar capital campaign at Sidwell comes to mind. You may choose a certain private for a type of culture you saw reflected there and 6 years later find that your tween is enrolled and you are paying tuition at a school that is philosophically very different than what you wanted.

Best to be flexible . THe offer letters decide a lot of the "fit" all on there own.

[Anonymous]

What do you do if the school is a great "fit". Whatever that means then by luck of draw in one of the years you get a jerk for a teacher. I guess fit goes out the window. It's about the teacher stupid. Some "ill-fitted" schools may have great teachers while one that is a great "fit" may have a "bad" teacher. The "fit" changes annually for the 5 to 112 year-old child.

[Anonymous]

Best to be flexible . THe offer letters decide a lot of the "fit" all on there own.

For the non pretenders the best "fit" is where your 5-year-old gets accepted to school. Fit is most important for geriatric 90-year-olds already dead set in their ways. For the average 5-year-old, they'll survive under most conditions.

[Anonymous]

Disagree. The philosophy of the school doesn't change simply because one year you have a less than great or even lousy teacher. If the school is a good one the admin will be working with the teacher to help him/her improve skills and communication with parents. It happened with us. New teacher was very "green" and had some trouble at first. We thought it was going to be an utter disaster. The school worked with the teacher and by mid year things were MUCH improved. By two years later she is now one of the favorites.

[Anonymous]

I agree. By and large "Fit" is for lap-poodles not normal 5-year-old kids. At the end of the day, after all the bellyaching in the community, the thickness of the decision envelope determines "fit".

[Anonymous]

One indication I had that the school was a good fit is that DC wrote off a bad teacher as not representative of the school. In DC's mind, she fit the school and the teacher didn't. And the occasional not-such-a-great-match teacher hasn't ever changed DC's relationship to the school more generally. Probably helps that, even in the younger grades, the kids have lots of teachers each year (e.g. math, science, library, foreign language, PE, music, art, drama) and ongoing relationships with a number of them.

Fit has not changed annually from 5 to 12. It's been pretty consistent not only through those years but some before and some after. I think the basics of her personality were pretty well-established and the changes that come with growth and exposure to a particular environment have affected her in ways that are fairly similar to the ways they've affected many of the classmates whom she's closest to.

[Anonymous]

What do you do if the school a parent and child feels provides the best fit ends up rejecting the 5-year-old? What next? Homeschool?

[Anonymous]

I guess you go down your list of "fits" till you find a school that accepts your child.

[Anonymous]

Yes. You'll find one. No need to homeschool unless that's what you want to do and feel that's best for your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. By and large "Fit" is for lap-poodles not normal 5-year-old kids. At the end of the day, after all the bellyaching in the community, the thickness of the decision envelope determines "fit".

I like you ! Ha Ha. funny and to the point