How to determine best fit?

[Anonymous]

I don't think fit is inherently a post hoc rationalization. If you're sensible it shapes where you apply. It doesn't matter how prestigious a school is if it's not going to be a good environment for your kid. And when you have a variety of alternatives, fit is a criterion that may help you select one from among them. I agree that it'd be stupid to fixate on one school as the perfect match before you have acceptances in hand. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't think about the issue both as you submit applications and as you choose among acceptances.

[Anonymous]

Average and normal 5-year-olds will survive in most environments -- certainly our lovely DC area private schools. Fit for the child is a delusional misnomer. It's really not about fit for the child it's about "fit" (e.g., Big 3 vs progressive) for the parent disguised as what parents perceive as the best "fit" for their child. In other words, some parents prefer to hang out with the "stars". To a 5-year-old a "star" is simply some object in the galaxy not rubbing knickers with the elite, progressives or granolas.

[Anonymous]

Why spend $30,000 a year in private school tuition if goal is merely to ensure that your "average and normal" 5 year old "survives" elementary school? You can do that for free.

Re motivations, I can't speak to yours, but I certainly didn't pick a school based on which parents I wanted to hang out with. I don't go to the school; my kid does.

[Anonymous]

Agreed. You'll gladly pay the $30,000 per annum after a school decides they want your child, and not before, and the square peg will then "fit" the round hole...regardless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Average and normal 5-year-olds will survive in most environments -- certainly our lovely DC area private schools. Fit for the child is a delusional misnomer. It's really not about fit for the child it's about "fit" (e.g., Big 3 vs progressive) for the parent disguised as what parents perceive as the best "fit" for their child. In other words, some parents prefer to hang out with the "stars". To a 5-year-old a "star" is simply some object in the galaxy not rubbing knickers with the elite, progressives or granolas.[/quote


Yes and unfortunately when what the professional educators rec for the child and what the parents want is akin to forcing a square peg into a round hole, there is always a LD diagnosis and a medication that can make that conflict go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. You'll gladly pay the $30,000 per annum after a school decides they want your child, and not before, and the square peg will then "fit" the round hole...regardless.

No, actually not at all. That's why the schools are so different and why a child can do academically as well at one as at another but not thrive in both environments. Having BTDT it's incredibly clear. And no, DS doesn't have a LD. If every child were exactly the same and every school were exactly the same there wouldn't be any reason to research schools. Do you think all colleges are exactly the same, too? Sad.

[Anonymous]

If you don't know much about a topic and mediocrity is all you aspire to, then everything looks alike and nothing makes much difference. Throw a little cyncism or paranoia into the mix and then anyone who sees differences you don't is lying, self-deluding, or precious.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to weigh in on the relevance of "finding the right fit" debate. I think for many kids, fit won't be an issue because they can adapt. For parents of those types of children, fit may seem like overkill. But there are children where the environment, teaching style and culture of a school can make a big difference. At such a young age it can be hard to see this in some kids but over time the child evolves and the parents learn more about their child and they will find the need to move schools. But for some kids these issues present themselves at an early age, so even parents of a peschooler can see what might and might not work well for their child. In other cases parents may see that "something" neds to change but may not know exactly what might work for their child.

OP - I suspect if you have to ask that you may have a child who will do great wherever you send them..and that's a nice thing Good luck in your search.

[Anonymous]

School philosophy is very important, IMO. Strict Catholic families, for example, might be pretty uncomfortable sending their children to schools that openly embrace gay families. If your family really values competitive sports or music, then certain schools are going to be more appealing than others. Same with single-sex schools. In the upper grades, you want an open urban environment or a closed campus, suburban one? Do you want language immersion--there are only a few schools that offer that in the early grades?

When you are looking at schools for a kindergartener, these things might not always be a concern, but they are worth thinking about as many, if not most, children who start at K in the K-12 schools stay there all the way through. If you are happy with a school, I think that your child and your child's teachers will pick up on that.

[Anonymous]

School philosophy is very important, IMO. Strict Catholic families, for example, might be pretty uncomfortable sending their children to schools that openly embrace gay families. If your family really values competitive sports or music, then certain schools are going to be more appealing than others. Same with single-sex schools. In the upper grades, you want an open urban environment or a closed campus, suburban one? Do you want language immersion--there are only a few schools that offer that in the early grades?

When you are looking at schools for a kindergartener, these things might not always be a concern, but they are worth thinking about as many, if not most, children who start at K in the K-12 schools stay there all the way through. If you are happy with a school, I think that your child and your child's teachers will pick up on that.

I get it. Clandestine embrace of homosexuality as practised and protected by Catholic priests is far preferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agreed. You'll gladly pay the $30,000 per annum after a school decides they want your child, and not before, and the square peg will then "fit" the round hole...regardless.

No, actually not at all. That's why the schools are so different and why a child can do academically as well at one as at another but not thrive in both environments. Having BTDT it's incredibly clear. And no, DS doesn't have a LD. If every child were exactly the same and every school were exactly the same there wouldn't be any reason to research schools. Do you think all colleges are exactly the same, too? Sad.

I disagree. I think part of the reason we "research" schools ( read: obsess) is because having to apply raises our anxiety levels and triggers our uber performer control gene. We rationalize to ourselves that we can be in control by "looking at schools" , interviewing with AD's and being dedicated to the quest of "best fit". If that doesn't work the OD at your school will give you a little pill to swallow in March so that when you wake up in the morning with admissions letter in hand you will smile and be happy that DC has been offered a place at best fit school after all. The cognitive dissonance and the fact that very few people are in a position of control ( unless we are Barak and Michelle) feeds the obsession year after year after year.....In spite of that most DC's do just fine because they would have anyway. They are , alas, not lap puppies , square pegs or the sum of their LD.

Meanwhile, a cottage industry of test prep, Advancement professionals,WIPPSI testers, tutors, and "educational consultants" remain recession proof.

[Anonymous]

No, actually not at all. That's why the schools are so different and why a child can do academically as well at one as at another but not thrive in both environments. Having BTDT it's incredibly clear. And no, DS doesn't have a LD. If every child were exactly the same and every school were exactly the same there wouldn't be any reason to research schools. Do you think all colleges are exactly the same, too? Sad.

5-year-old children are so unique individually that their education must be unique, personal and tailored ("personalized education"). I do subscribe to the one child for one teacher, for one school philosophy. Let's hope the global economy doesn't put a damper on this genomic approach to education.

[Anonymous]

We have 4 kids (2 have graduated from HS) who have collectively attended 5 schools (1 public, 4 private) in 2 cities (3 here, 2 in NYC), and our experience tells me that "fit" is too amorphous a concept to be of much help in choosing a school. When parents talk about "fit", too often we end up trading in stereotypes and generalizations. Instead, I recommend thinking very specifically about your child's needs. A good example would be the PP who said one of her kids needed structure and the other needed an athletic program where everybody gets to participate. Our experience with kids who are pretty adaptable and low-maintenance was that all could "fit" into many different schools, but, identifying specific school attributes that would benefit each child helped us to figure out which would be the best choice. Does that mean we found the perfect school and never had a bad teacher or encountered a policy that we didn't like? No, because no school is perfect -- even when you're paying NYC tuition!

BTW, for those with college admissions on the horizon, I would recommend the same approach -- forget "fit", which is the most bandied-about and empty term in the college app process, and sit down with your kid to make a list of what he/she wants and needs in a college experience. Then, go out and look for the schools that come closest to meeting your wish list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I am starting to research private schools in the area for my son. I have been reading many posts on this board about how it is really all about how your child fits into a school's particular philosophy. My son will be entering kindergarten, so I don't really know what will work for him yet. Can anyone give me some advice on what to look for and how it pertains to a child who has not started school yet?

You can figure this out only by going to each school you're interetsed in, talk to the teachers and admissions folks, and ask yourself whehter this is an environment your kid would be comfortable in. Whether this is the case or not will depend as much on the characteristics of your child as on those of the school.

[Anonymous]

This is one of the stranger threads ever in this forum. Who are all these new, faux philosophical posters? High schoolers, in some cases.

Where did the actual parents go, the ones who used to populate DCUM?

To amuse myself now I'm going to go find a forum for mechanical engineers who live in Minnesota, and I'm going to post all kinds of inexperienced philosophical bullshit in the comments section of that forum.