Television on constantly

[Anonymous]

My spouse was out of town this past week, and it reminded me how much I prefer the TV off.

When it is just me at home, I prefer the TV off, or just to turn it on to enjoy a specifc TV show (or shows) every so often.

But, my spouse wants the TV on constantly and flips between shows, sports, etc. The TV is literally on from the time he's home from work, until both of us fall asleep. It is on during dinner. It is on at all times when he's home on the weekend.

We don't have kids yet and the TV issue is something we've discussed, as the constant TV is really bad for babies under age 2, especially.

FWIW, I grew up in a household with very little TV and no cable -we read books. His parents had TV on constantly, and he had a TV in his bedroom. We both turned out well by most accounts.

What to do? I would feel really sad to say that once we have kids, he just has to go watch TV alone in a man cave. But, he isn't keen to budge on the amount of TV. Has anyone else experienced this? We aren't looking to have a baby immediately, but its such a big issue I feel like it needs to be sorted out before the baby is actually here.

[Anonymous]

Lucky for me my husband and I both hate that. My family is like that. And so ours is off most of the time. We spend a ton of time on computers and iPhones however-probably not any better, but quieter.

[Anonymous]

Your husband seems bored. Tv is his entertainment. Turn off the tv during dinner and strike up a conversation with him. Not to be rude, but entertain him, talk to him, do things with him. Don't worry, when you have children, he will have no time for tv.

[Anonymous]

You should find a happy medium that suits you both. I'd just caution that even if you do have a lot of TV, your kids will probably be just fine as long as you're an engaged parent. We are one of those families where there is a lot of TV, for better or worse. We also are huge readers, partially because of our nature and partially because of our careers (academics). We have kids beyond the AAP age and they don't seem to have been impaired as a result of exposure to the news, sports TV and a lot of Nick Jr and PBS Kids. They read ahead of their grade level, do tons of imaginative play, have hobbies and interests, and have zero interest in video games. I'm not attributing any of good qualities to TV, and who knows maybe they would be gifted like every other DCUM child if they hadn't watched so much Deigo. But it's worth noting that you don't have to be a TV absolutist to raise healthy smart kids. THe most important thing is that you and your husband find a way to get on the same page about it.

[Anonymous]

I love TV and look forward to the end of the day when I can watch it. I imagine your DH is like me -- taking away TV is taking away his downtime.

I solved the problem partly by investing in wireless headphones, so I can listen while I cook and my spouse can read the paper in silence. Not "together" time but we reunite over dinner.

[Anonymous]

Just curious - how much time do you spend on the computer, specifically on DCUM? I ask because I think many of use sort of media outlet to relax and escape the realities of the real world. He may use the television, but you may prefer the computer. I know that I can go weeks without television, but everyday I am on the computer for fun and entertainment. It's my vice.

I call our TV an "IV" because my husband has to hook up to it the minute he walks though the door. He is highly stressed from his day and it's an automatic response. His father also liked to watch lots of movies so he didn't have to communicate with his wife, so now I see where the habit was cultivated.

The best way to get him off the TV is to have planned activities outside the house where you have to be there at a specific time (i.e., the museum tour starts at 1:00 PM, so you have to ready by then." That way, he is forced to stop watching at a specific time. Even if it's just grocery shopping you want him to so, say, "Oh, that 4 hour sale ends at 7:00 PM and it's 6:30 PM now!" I find that once I get him off the couch and into the real world, he enjoys it and doesn't want it to end.

Also, at times I've turned the button on the power surge off and told him the televion is broken. Usually, he's too tired to get off the couch and check, so that's when you swoon in and start a conversation.

[Anonymous]

I empathize. I hate the sound of TV. It is everywhere now, in restaurants, in hotel lobbies, in airports, just about everywhere they can stick one of those infernal advertising machines. I don't know what I would do if I had to put up with it at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse was out of town this past week, and it reminded me how much I prefer the TV off.

When it is just me at home, I prefer the TV off, or just to turn it on to enjoy a specific TV show (or shows) every so often.

But, my spouse wants the TV on constantly and flips between shows, sports, etc. The TV is literally on from the time he's home from work, until both of us fall asleep. It is on during dinner. It is on at all times when he's home on the weekend.

We don't have kids yet and the TV issue is something we've discussed, as the constant TV is really bad for babies under age 2, especially.

FWIW, I grew up in a household with very little TV and no cable -we read books. His parents had TV on constantly, and he had a TV in his bedroom. We both turned out well by most accounts.

What to do? I would feel really sad to say that once we have kids, he just has to go watch TV alone in a man cave. But, he isn't keen to budge on the amount of TV. Has anyone else experienced this? We aren't looking to have a baby immediately, but its such a big issue I feel like it needs to be sorted out before the baby is actually here.

No tried-and-it-worked advice. Just a +1. My plan is to slowly educate my husband on the research on TV exposure in children (ADHD connection, etc.), but I don't know if this will work. Until then, I occasionally ask him to turn it off and listen to the radio instead. He's generally pretty amenable to that.

[Anonymous]

We don't have a tv in our main living area for this very reason! I can't stand to have it on in the background. FIL leaves their tv ALL of the time - blaring - so we don't go over there often.

I'd try to cut back - not on during dinner to start? Then move it to the basement or wherever. You won't miss it!!

[Anonymous]

You know, my husband used to keep the tv on a lot before we had kids. It gradually decreased as our first child beck interested in tv more. Now it is only on after she goes to bed, for Sunday football, or for an occasional Elmo's world. There was no big discussion that led to the reduction in television, it just happened naturally. I probably wouldn't worry about it until you need to.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can empathize also. I have the same situation play out at my house every. single. day.....ugh. I hate the TV. In my husbands family every aunt, uncle, cousin has a TV in every single room in their homes. DH also has the TV on before falling asleep. It is a must because he can't fall asleep without it. It's so annoying. I can also relate to the constant channel switching, which seriously makes me dizzy if I watch TV with him.

Anyway, I have slowly over the years been able to negotiate some aspects of the TV issue. Quality time with kids first w/o TV, then he can go to his man cave. TV off at 10pm even if he is not asleep and most importantly no shows full of violance, rape and constant murder scenes at night in the bed.

[Anonymous]

Early on in our marriage I convinced my DH to go TV- free and he now loves it. We spend so much more time talking, reading, playing games, getting stuff done, etc. Prior to getting rid of the TV entirely though, wireless headphones saved my marriage. The sound of TV and seeing anyone staring at it slack-jawed drives me insane.

[Anonymous]

I've always thought that this is an enormous issue for couples because it defines how you are going to spend the majority of your time at home. You either grew up with constant TV or you didn't. And that often also means other things about your background that can affect your priorities today and how you plan to raise your children. Emphasis on reading, playing outdoors, learning, etc vs TV, video games, etc.

[Anonymous]

I have the same issue as well. My SAHS leaves the TV during most of the day. I occasionally work from home, and I find it annoying when it is simply on. SAHS claims that SAHS simply needs the background noise. SAHS turns it on in the am, before jumping into the shower. Needless to say, our young kids come into the room, and the TV is talking about some murder or war, leaving me to rush to turn off the TV. SAHS claims to be better able to concentrate with background noice, but that is nonsense. After kids go to bed, I sometime will watch TV while doing low key work. When I do, I do get something done, but not much.

[Anonymous]

Why not Sirius Radio? They have a lot of stuff on and when you do have kids, some channels (old time radio and music) are fine for them, plus interesting for mom and dad. We had the tv on all the time before kids. Then our daughter hated having the tv on, would cry and fuss. We got Sirius (and no I don't work for them) and it solved the problem, she stopped fussing and we got our background noise. OP, wireless headphones are your friends here. So is actually engaging with your husband v. decreeing that "tv isn't good for babies". You'll find that if there is something you really care about, a game, a news event, whatever that watching it with baby is far better for all involved then not watching it because some authority decided that tv isn't good for babies. Also, know that peditritians and hospitals all have tvs in area where kids are present. So based on that alone, I do question the guidelines. Seems like the people making them should put their money where their mouth is. Sounds to me like you've goe asy solutions, or the tv is a symtpom of bigger problems in your marriage.