how did you react when you found out you were pregnant?

[Anonymous]

I'm worried about my sister. She and her husband had been trying to get pregnant the past few months. She called recently to say that she hadn't gotten her period for over a week and went and bought a pack of two preg urine tests. Both came back with positive results. The thing is she says she's excited but doesn't really seem to be. She seems more shocked.
When I was "trying", I went and bought 6 packs of tests to take the day I was supposed to get my period. I was so obviously excited when we found out. So were other women I know(they tested as soon as possible, took many tests just to confirm, very vocally happy,etc). So I guess I'm asking to hear from those of you who had a less than enthusiastic reaction even though you were trying. FYI, this is a woman who has ALWAYS claimed she wanted to be a mother, in fact she used to say all she wanted to do in life was be a SAHM.
Any thoughts?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I were both really excited when we found out that we were pregnant, but sometimes I found myself tempering my excitement with people for different reasons. It definitely didn't mean that I wasn't excited. Point is that I wouldn't read too much into your sister's reaction - at least not now because it is all so new for her.

[Anonymous]

I don't know your sister, but maybe she is scared that things won't go well, maybe she is scared that she might have a miscarriage or that the pregnancy might not go well or that in the end she might not be able to be the mother she always wanted to be...If this is her first pregnancy, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and scared...since you have never experienced it before, the unknown is scary....I have had lots of friends who were really scared. A friend of mine is so scared that she can't even get pregnant...

[Anonymous]

If you and your sister are like me and mine, you're nothing alike! I simply do not react to sitations in the same way that my sister does. Allow your sis to be an individual and respond to motherhood in her unique way.
For me, I always wanted to be a mom too but when I saw the positive pregnancy test I was afraid that I would be a disappointment to my baby and to myself. I approached motherhood with a high level of respect for the new 'job' and a desire to prepare for it as much as possible. I was also VERY sick so throwing up constantly certainly put a damper on my 'excited' feelings being expressed without hesitation!
Hope that gives you a different perspective!

[Anonymous]

I'd been trying for about two weeks before I got my positive test and I was pretty freaked out at first. We didn't tell people until we were a couple months in because we were concerned about possible m/c - it was our secret at first. DH and I were happy, but we were both really surprised.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with 9:27. I really tempered my happiness when I learned I was pregnant with first DC until I was out of the first trimester. There are so many things that can go wrong, and frankly I doubt I was ever escatic until I held my healthy baby in my arms. Even this time around, at 10 weeks, I am still pretty closed lipped. I remember in my first preganacy, a co-worker accused me of not being "happy enough" about the pregnancy. I was hurt and felt that the matter was none of her business. I would suggest that you do not mention your observation to your sister. She has reasons for her feelings which may remain private.

[Anonymous]

When I became pregnant with our first baby, I was shocked and pretty scared. We weren't trying and I had been carrying on with my life as if there were no baby in my future, drinking, smoking, not eating right. Of course, I changed all of that immediately, but I also went through a period of mourning the loss of my baby free life. It didn't take too long and by the second tri, I was completely happy and annoying to everyone I came across about my pregnancy. Sometimes, it just takes awhile to sink in.

[Anonymous]

Getting a positive result is obviously good news, but not everyone is going to react exactly as you did. I think you're being a little unfair to your sister to suggest that there's something wrong with not being giddy at the first realization of a pregnancy. Particularly if she had a difficult time getting pregnant, or if she's overwhelmed with all the ridiculous do's and don'ts that books/websites/concerned strangers throw at pregnant women, it's easy to feel a little ambivalent about it. In my case I'd been hoping for a second child for several years, went through a M/C and basically began to wonder if it would ever happen. So I should have been out of my mind with glee when I found out about my latest pregnancy. Instead, I've been panicked about money, and worrying about childcare and juggling -- and when I had some early complications I sort of became numb to the whole thing. Now even in my second trimester, I'm still feeling a little flat about the whole thing. That doesn't mean I'm not thrilled at the thought of another child. So I'd say just try to be supportive of your sister and don't hold her to your own personal standard of celebratory behavior.

[Anonymous]

I also wanted to point out that it can be kinda freaky to get pregnant RIGHT AWAY if you were trying--thats what happened to me. A blessing? Yes. But when you hear about people having trouble and you think you have a long time to get used to the idea and then in the first month or two it happens, it can be a shock! I was happy but of course freaked out a lot. Everything you hear about your life changing drastically starts to sink in!

[Anonymous]

I wasn't anxiously trying to get pregnant but when I found out, I felt a peace about the news.

[Anonymous]

OP here:
Thanks for your input.
People all react differently to such a life changing piece of news, of course and I'm not holding her "to my own personal standard of celebratory behavior" (please!) I was merely comparing her behavior to other women(other family members etc) whom I've heard from very early in their pregnancies.

I wrote this post only out of concern as she seemed blaise about even finding out whether she was pregnant or not, only taking one box of tests and then being concerned about wether she's really pregnant, waiting a week to even go buy the tests when they were supposedly trying for a few months (hello! go buy more tests if you want more confirmation! her behavior just seemed unusual for her and I was concerned that she had gotten pregnant not because she and her husband really wanted to but because they subconciously felt they "had" to have kids because it's expected from their families. I think she always liked the idea of having kids but the reality may be a bit of a shock. i hope I'm wrong.
Anyway, I just wanted to hear want other women had experienced so I knew whether to continue worrying or not. After reading the responses I am no longer concerned. I think she's just in shock and scared of the realization of it all. I'm sure she'll come around soon.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to ask, but why exactly should you take 6 pregnancy tests and why should that show that you are more happy that you are pregnant than if you take two? I took one the day I was supposed to have my period and one maybe a week later, but just I was on vacation and couldn't get the confirmation though a blood test yet. I never thought of taking six. I also didn't tell anyone until my second trimester, but by no means did that imply that I wasn't happy. I do think you are holding her to your standards, why do you think she should react exactly the same way you did? People are different, so let her be and don't interpret her behaviour according to yours. Just be happy for her!

[Anonymous]

Doesn't sound like you're that close to one another. She may be sharing more with others in her life that she's closer to, or simply reacting in her own reserved way. I don't think how many tests you take is indicative of your excitement about pregnancy. With my first, I bought a two pack and only used one (it was positive - I saved the other for the next pregnancy). I was trying, but didn't even take the test until I was several days late. It was our first month trying, and I just didn't expect it to happen so soon. I didn't learn until after a miscarriage years later (from a forum) that there are women who use multiple tests to confirm pregnancy (even before missing a period).

[Anonymous]

Whatever you do, please don't accuse her of not being excited. When I found out, I was really excited, but I was also very concerned about having a miscarriage. I'd had one the year before and never told anyone in my family about it. So I appeared to be just accepting the news, when I was actually overjoyed. It's just the way I am anyway. I'm not one to scream and shout my excitement. I did that at home briefly, and then immediately started thinking okay, what do I need to do now?

My SIL kept saying stuff about how I wasn't excited enough and it just made me cry.

[Anonymous]

We were "sort-of" trying but when we found out, I was anything but excited. I was in shock, as was my husband. It took almost the full 8.5 months after that to truly be excited and feel ready. Of course, then we had the baby and were in shock again, but that's another post entirely!