how did you react when you found out you were pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Maybe the blessing of a baby hasn't set in YET for your sister.

She could be nonchalant about it until she confirms it with her doc. or sees the ultrasound pic. for her (and her DH) to embrace the pregnancy that they've been trying for.

Plus, you never know what goes on behind closed doors.

[Anonymous]

We had been trying for a while and had been told how difficult it was going to be to conceive. So when I finally got the positive, I was ecstatic but at the same time, in shock and disbelief. It took some time to sink in that it was really happening. Then I spent the first half of the pregnancy worried about something happening. I didn't allow myself to get really excited for quite some time.

[Anonymous]

I think the first words out of my mouth were "oh #@!&, i'm pregnant" and we were trying! it happened the first time, so it was a shock (we were expecting it to take 6 mo or so). Also, I (unlike your sis) was very ambivalent about children. I don't necessarilly think your initial reaction has anything to do with how excited you are/eventually become. And I'm sure she'll be a great mom!

[Anonymous]

Maybe she's in shock. Maybe she's thinking, "Oh my God, what have I done!" Maybe she's thinking she's not ready. Maybe she's thinking it's early, and she is trying to keep her excitement in check. Maybe she's thinking her life is never going to be the same again. Even though I was happy, I experienced a lot of mixed emotions when I found out I was pregnant.

[Anonymous]

OP I think you are concerned, but you're also being a bit judgmental. You sound like my sister and I - we are very different people, and as much as each one of us thinks we understand the other but believe we are are not judgmental, it's part of being sisters and being very different, deep down inside, you have to admit to yourself that you're looking at it through your lens.

There's nothing wrong with not running to the drugstore and taking a dozen tests. For all you know they might have had more anxiety and stress getting pregnant than she might have told you. That's between her and her partner, and not s.th. you might be aware of.

I think kudos to her, regardless what the reason is (family pressure, anxiety or whatever) to be calm about it, there is indeed much that can go wrong, and this is better than all the women that start testing way too early and then get disappointed.

Give her the space and credit that she's dealing with whatever it is the way she needs to (for herself, her partner and her baby) - not anyone else.

Even if family pressure has led them down the path, it doesn't matter now, she's pregnant now, and she'll come to terms with it all the way she needs to. If you really think this was such an issue beforehand, why did you not raise it earlier?

[Anonymous]

I felt sad and depressed when I learned I was pregnant. DH and I wanted kids, but had decided to wait at least 6 months since we were newlyweds (didn't want too much major change in one year). Also, I felt incredibly tired and worried that I couldn't keep up the frantic pace of my job.

It just took just one time when we weren't so careful, and .... here I am! I feel much good about it now, but thank goodness we have 9 months. I can't complain, however, because so many friends have struggled to become pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it is the hormones? I actually felt down, and cranky, when I found out, even though we'd been trying for 6 months, and I really think it was the blast of pregnancy hormones effecting my brain chemistry. (I'm one of those women who can't do hormonal birth control because of how much it effects my mood.) It was like I was in a really negative PMS type mood. It got better, but I was moody and fought a feeling of depression throughout my whole pregnancy. Luckily, it cleared up when I gave birth and I didn't post-partum depression (I think I have the breastfeeding hormones to thank). But it was hard on my DH - he was like, WTF, I thought you wanted this . . . .

[Anonymous]

After trying for quite awhile and finally getting pregnant, I have to admit that we were scared when we got pregnant with our first. I had enough chemical pregnancies, that I swore off HPTs. I spent the first twelve weeks dreading everytime I went to the bathroom since I was worried I would see blood. We only told our immediate family that we were pregnant since they knew we had been trying. Otherwise we didn't tell a soul until we were in the 2nd trimester and I started to show. I have to admit though that it was hard for me to really relax and enjoy that pregnancy. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy my pregnancy -- I loved being able to feel the baby move, etc. And I desperately wanted to be a mother, but we had tried so many times and it hadn't worked out that I was really worried that something would go wrong. I just wasn't willing to take anything for granted. You really just need to listen to your sister and play things the way she wants to play them. In addition, some people are very superstitious. My father's SIL had several stillborn children, so he would not allow any baby items (not even furniture) in the house until AFTER my oldest sister was born.

This time around we are pregnant with twins. I have to admit we were in shock for quite awhile after we found out. Not that we are not thrilled, but it isn't what we had planned and it took some adjustment. Also, a twin pregnancy comes with many more risks. We didn't even tell most people in our family that it was twins until we had our second sonogram confirming two heartbeats. I waited to tell my boss until other people in the office kept asking me if I was pregnant. I went to him and told him that I was not prepared to share the news with everyone (due to miscarriage risks), but that I wanted him hear it from me and not at the water cooler.

The bottom line is that people do not need to act thrilled to be happy. And just because your sister isn't jumping up and down does not mean she doesn't want to be a mother or she won't be a good mother.