Friends to play at recess time

[Anonymous]

DS is a 2nd grader. Recently he is bothered by whom to play with during recess time. DS has two friends, J and A. Friends A wants to play with DS
during recess, and follows him around. But DS wants to play with friend J. I told him to try to bring both of his friends to play together. DS said A and
J don’t like each other, they don’t want to play together.

When he was in 1st grade last year, similar things happened. At that time, he was friends with the same boy J, and another boy E. He kind of
ignored E’s wish to play with him during recess, and played with friend J mostly. But during other time, DS wanted to do things with E. I think E felt
hurt, and stopped to be friend with him anymore. When DS realized it, it’s too late. I didn’t know all this until the end of 1st grade. He is still upset
losing E as a friend.

I would like to help him, but at the end of my wit. More info: J and DS are never in the same class, J lives one block away. E was in the same
class with DS last year. Friend A is in the same class with DS this year, so they do things together when it’s not recess time, and they have known
each other since preschool, have playdates regularly since kindergarten. DS always wants to play with friend J during recess, but he doesn’t want to
lose his long time friend A.
DS is not a talker. He usually doesn’t talk about school. I can see he is really worried this time because what happened in 1st grade.

Does anyone have experiences and advices? I appreciate all the help!

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

This sounds very typical. For whatever reason, kids that age have a hard time playing in groups of three. We have had all kinds of neighborhood drama over similar situations. I think you just have to try to talk your child through how his friends feel, and how to deal with similar situations in a tactful way. At the end of the day, however, they have to just figure it out themselves.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is older and has a similar situation. She has a close friend A who likes to play with only my daughter. If my daughter wants to play with anyone else ever, A gets very upset and tries to manipulate my daughter by telling her she is a bad friend. I told my daughter that she is not responsible for A's feelings. I encouraged her to invite A to join in playing with other friends, but A will not join in and will stand on the side of the blacktop and cry. I have said over and over and over that A's feelings are not her responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Maybe ask him to think about like taking turns--playing with one friend one day and then "take a turn" and play with another friend

[Anonymous]

I would avoid getting overly invested in the details of your DS's social life at school.

I think listening to his concerns is a good idea, and asking him if he needs you to do something to help, but let him lead, I think, and don't try to fix it for him.

This problem will come up again and again for years to come.

[Anonymous]

I hear the whirring blades of a helicopter. Op, you can listen, offer advice, and remind your son to be kind. That is it.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 3 and son is 4 and both deal with the same issue in Pre-S and I remember dealing with this stuff from K all the way until 6th grade. I was always the softy that played with both nerds and popular kids and was always the one given an ultimatum. Sucked by I survived.