Am I obligated to have a relationship with my mother?
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Anonymous
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Sorry for the length......
My mother divorced my father when I was 10 after she had an affair. I went to live with my father and another sibling in another state and my mother kept my oldest sibling. That sibling turned out to drop out of high school, until she moved in with my father and graduated. Then my mother convinced her to move back and my sister became pregnant, and an alcoholic who is a waitress. I never saw my mother again except for when my father would visit his family in my mother's state and I would go to her home. My mother never showed any interest in my life and would only call to complain about my sister. I had enough when I was about 20+ years old and visiting my father's family and my mother wouldn't drive the 50 minute drive to see me despite it being years since we had been together. Flash forward 10 + years and my mother began calling after the birth of my first child. She shows no real interest in my child, but uses it as a segway to launch into her problems. She has never visited in the almost 3 years since her birth. The final straw was on my birthday when my mother left me a message blaming me for not being supportive to my sister's daughter (because I disapprove of her dropping out of college). I am just angry and wondering why I have to talk to her when I get nothing out of it. It makes my skin crawl when she tells me she loves me, because it is just her way of trying to gloss over the fact that she wanted nothing to do with me when she was in her prime and to busy chasing after men to be a parent. |
Anonymous
| No. |
Anonymous
| As bad as you might feel for abandoning her now, she is the one who abandoned YOU. You are simply allowing her to fully abandon you cutting all ties. It will probably make your life much easier. You'll get through it!! |
Anonymous
| No, you are not. |
Anonymous
| Fly and be free. |
Anonymous
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No, absolutely not. Our culture tells us we should maintain relationships with parents because that's the right thing to do, but in reality it's not always the right thing to do.
Your mother's a parasite who didn't/doesn't care for you. Your obligation, if anything, is to ensure you have *no* relationship with her. |
Anonymous
| It really does not matter what happened. Can you forgive your mom? Accept her for who she is? Come on, just give her a PASS and tell her you love her. Not only are you obligated, it is your ultimate duty to develop and maintain a relationship with your mom... Your life will never ever be complete in this world or the next, without the acknowledgement of LOVE and a hint of a relationship with your mom. You will never come full circle in the cycle of life without it... |
Anonymous
| I don't think you have anything to worry about. She probably won't call again for years. |
Anonymous
Perhaps THIS is full circle from a previous life. Doesn't sound like OP's mom is on the same wavelength....nor does it sound healthy for OP to continue this way with her mother. |
Anonymous
I used to share this point of view. Funny story, the difficult, awful relatives I struggled to maintain a relationship with ended up throwing me away like a used kleenex when I wasn't useful any longer. |
Anonymous
What a load of shit. |
Anonymous
| I think you have a duty to try in good faith. other than that ... |
Anonymous
your life will never be complete? it doesn't matter what happened? give her a PASS? never come full circle in the cycle of life? I think this PP is pulling your leg. No of course you have no obligation, OP. The woman you describe is not worthy of being around your children, ever. |
Anonymous
I'm thinking this poster is just talking crap. I let go of my mom 3 years ago, and it has led me to so much more peace. OP, you need to do what's best for you. If you do it and feels right, go for it. If it doesn't feel right, then try to make amends if you can. Only you can answer that. |
Anonymous
| Poster 15:55 here... To be completely honest, No One CARES about OP... Only OP cares about OP and obviously she cares enough for her mom to even post here. I cared enough to read and respond to her lengthy plea for advice. This is high level emotional / psychological stuff we are talking here. I do not expect everyone to understand. Let's establish a relationship, I did not say, get taken advantage of and be thrown away like a piece of Kleenex. To be completely free, we must forget (not necessarily forgive) the past. The forgiveness part is where the work comes in. OP, say hello to your mom every so often, for no other reason but to see how she is doing. If and when she decides to share her life with you, I guarantee you will be feeling MUCH BETTER. |