Any tips for dealing with a teen caught shoplifting?

[Anonymous]

Caught by parents but not by authorities. Want to give a meaningful, significant consequence and am open to suggestions.

So far am thinking return items to store (though obviously they are used, so it will really be just paying for items), then give items away to goodwill. Admit to store that shoplifting occured (admission will occur under supervision of a parent.)

Not sure if store will involve police, but I suppose if they do, they do. Kid shouldn't have done and I think they really need to fess up and feel some significant heat for this.

[Anonymous]

Go to the store without kid and talk to the manager, arrange with the manager to have your son come in and confess to it, pay the manager, have the manager think out loud that he beleives due to company rules he has to call the police and sit back and watch your kid squirm. Even better if you can get a cop to show up too.

[Anonymous]

I was caught by my dad when I was 10, so a little younger but this is how he dealt with it.

He caught me in the parking lot right after I stole the items, so we went directly back into the store and returned them to the manager. The manager gave me a stern talking-to and said I was lucky that they were not going to press charges.

My father then took me to the police station and asked the police to talk to me. It was quite scary. He also wanted to take me to juvie hall to see "where [I] could end up," but for some reason my mom didn't let him.

I also got a spanking and grounded for a few weeks.

I don't have a teen (only a toddler), but I would pretty much do what he did except a spanking. If the police don't get involved, I would make my child do some sort of community/volunteer service.

[Anonymous]

I don't know what I'd do, but aren't those of you who say go to the manager worried about the long term impact of police involvement? Would there by repercussions at school or for, say, college admissions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what I'd do, but aren't those of you who say go to the manager worried about the long term impact of police involvement? Would there by repercussions at school or for, say, college admissions?

so you should let your kid get away with it becuase he might not get into a college? please-there are more important lessons in life than letting him get away with stealing from someone than getting into a college.

don't do the crime if you can;t do the time

[Anonymous]

Ask teen what he intends to do about this. Work with him on a plan (return to store, talk to manager). Help him implement plan if necessary (e.g. drive him there).

Make him own this.

[Anonymous]

I agree that there need to be consequences, but I would be wary of reporting the theft, only because so many stores have zero tolerance policies these days, and you really don't want your kid going through what could be a months-long criminal prosecution, even if you think he deserves to "do the time."

You don't say how old he is, but a month or two without a car, phone, electronics and 100 hours of community service imposed by you would be just as effective and must less permanent than an arrest/trial.

[Anonymous]

If you go to the store, chances are they will call the police.
Sorry but is that what you want?
I would never report shoplifting in this day and age, unless my teen did it a second time after being caught.
Find another way to make your points and give serious consequences, including grounding, no gadgets and/or paying for what was stolen.
How expensive was the merchandise? I'd make him pay for the goods, and send the money anonymously to the store.
It would be great to scare the hell out of him though.
Ha the police could make a fortune giving tours, for a fee, to show teens what happens when you get caught doing XYZ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what I'd do, but aren't those of you who say go to the manager worried about the long term impact of police involvement? Would there by repercussions at school or for, say, college admissions?

so you should let your kid get away with it becuase he might not get into a college? please-there are more important lessons in life than letting him get away with stealing from someone than getting into a college.

don't do the crime if you can;t do the time

Being concerned about the long term consequences of law enforcement involvement is not the same as letting the kid get away with it. I would be all for getting the authorities involved if we didn't live in a zero tolerance climate. Also it's hard to know what to do in the absence of a context--what is this particular kid's history? There should be serious consequences, but they should be proportionate.
All adolescents do stupid things, and our job is to teach them to develop the good judgment not to do them. We don't do that by insisting on very grave consequences when they do screw up once.

So, I would be very careful about exposing the child to criminal liability.

[Anonymous]

How old is s/he? 13 or 17 would make a difference in my answer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was caught by my dad when I was 10, so a little younger but this is how he dealt with it.

He caught me in the parking lot right after I stole the items, so we went directly back into the store and returned them to the manager. The manager gave me a stern talking-to and said I was lucky that they were not going to press charges.

My father then took me to the police station and asked the police to talk to me. It was quite scary. He also wanted to take me to juvie hall to see "where [I] could end up," but for some reason my mom didn't let him.

I also got a spanking and grounded for a few weeks.

I don't have a teen (only a toddler), but I would pretty much do what he did except a spanking. If the police don't get involved, I would make my child do some sort of community/volunteer service.

You had good parents. this is what I'd do.

[Anonymous]

OP here- child is 13. Thanks for all the suggestions. I am suprised at the people that wouldn't report it b/c of concern over police. What if your child had gotten caught doing it? If I don't deal with this correctly the 1st time, I would think there is very likely to be a 2nd and I would imagine having the police catch you in the act is a lot worse than the police observing you making amends.

I want this to be a lesson my child learns once. I hope the police are not involved, but if they are, they are. I would think there would be some consideration given that child is "turning themselves in."

I am by NO means perfect (my child just shoplifted for starters!) but the inclination to keep this under the radar I think would be what would create long-term issues- not prevent them.

[Anonymous]

really depends on how old the teen is. 13, like someone else said, talk to the manager and have the manager go really hard on him. 19, take his butt to the police.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the age OP. Yes I would take him/her back to the store to apologize and if they call the police so be it. At 13 they will likely just get a stern lecture form police unless the store insists on pressing charges.

At 13, while the child show know better it if young enough that it was likely a peer pressure or to show off to peers - really a stupid decision made without much thought. Or for the thrill

I would also add a consequence beyond just restitution and apology. If it was a peer issue then I would limit time with friends as a consequence - until he can come up with how he will make better decisions.

Many places have teen programs - like talk to a convict or tour the jail. Might be good for a real life perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Caught by parents but not by authorities. Want to give a meaningful, significant consequence and am open to suggestions.

So far am thinking return items to store (though obviously they are used, so it will really be just paying for items), then give items away to goodwill. Admit to store that shoplifting occured (admission will occur under supervision of a parent.)

Not sure if store will involve police, but I suppose if they do, they do. Kid shouldn't have done and I think they really need to fess up and feel some significant heat for this.

I think your idea is right on.