lesbian moms (esp. of boys)--dealing with clueless people?

[Anonymous]

We're expecting a boy and will be first-time moms!

We're super-out, but people (strangers chit-chatting) often ask if we're sisters, so I imagine they won't automatically pick up that we're a couple and the child is both of ours. Any tips on dealing with that and strangers asking about his dad (does he look like his dad, etc.)? I think most people are well-meaning, so I don't want to sound too grumpy, unless they make pointed comments about our ability to raise him to be a real boy etc.

Also, what were some of the craziest comments you've gotten?

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Lesbian here, but not a mom. Congrats!

In this day and age, it's unbelievable that anyone makes any comment of any kind about a kid's origins. On my block alone, there are:

* 50+ parents of a 2 y/o from Colombia
* White parents of a Vietnamese girl
* Mixed-race parents (neither Asian) of a Chinese girl
* Gay male parents of a Chinese girl
And one straight couple who SERIOUSLY look like siblings

I think the best answer to any moronic MYOB question is either a) the truth, if you feel like sharing or (b) the classic innocent eyebrows-raised "Why do you ask?"

[Anonymous]

OP - Congratulations! This video has been making the rounds. It made me cry and should be required viewing. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSQQK2Vuf9Q

[Anonymous]

OP here--the craziest pre-kids comment we got was while holding hands in a park. As a woman passed us, she said very angrily that God intended us to all be with men and women! We cracked up at that righteous, unintended endorsement of bisexuality!

[Anonymous]

And thanks for the replies!

[Anonymous]

Congratulations! Little boys are such a delight.

Would you be able to say something like "He has his mom's eyes, but we're also hoping he develops his mama's wicked sense of humor."

[Anonymous]

I felt like a dork recently because it took me a couple of weeks to realize that the "sisters" in my daughter's soccer class were the boys' two mommies. They look a lot alike, and I don't know a ton of lesbians, so I just assumed the "sister" was helping the "mom" out with the kids and hanging out. Once I figured it out, I never let on that I didn't realize at first. They were cool women, with really cute little boys, and they seemed like a nice couple. I enjoyed hanging out with them during the lessons. After 6-7 weeks, I did ask if each of them carried one kid because they'd been open about stuff and I was curious (and apologized if that was too personal) - they were totally nice about my question. Just be as open as you're comfortable being, perhaps?

[Anonymous]

Gay male couple with twin girls here. When people ask about our girl's mother my husband tells that that they have two dads, no mother. When people inquire further, he looks at them with a blank stare that outright makes the person asking feel that they misunderstood something in biology class.

[Anonymous]

We tend to get "who is the mom" from people who already know we are a lesbian couple raising a baby together. They tend to mean "who gave birth to the baby." The short answer is "we both are" the longer answer is "that question is kind of hurtful because we are both full moms (and we are legally). If you want to know who gave birth then ask that question specifically." I think there is a balance in answering these questions, I don't want to jump all over someone who has just never really thought about gay families and how they are organized, but do want to offer a gentle challenge to people who have very narrow views of what a family can be.

I've also gotten "how did you do that" or "How did that happen" mostly from very conservative people. I tend to assume that they ask just because they honestly have never thought about such a thing and my usual answer is "we went to a clinic" which is honest without being too graphic.

My most uncomfortable moments have been when people assume I'm the grandma (I gave birth) and my partner is mom. I started dyeing my hair again jus to avoid some of those conversations.

[Anonymous]

I've also gotten "how did you do that" or "How did that happen" mostly from very conservative people.

Well, when a woman and a woman love each other very much, they give each other a special hug. And a few months later, with the help of God and a few others, a baby is born.

[Anonymous]

Good thing you're super out because if you weren't, your kids would take care of that. We have three kids and when we're asked about their dad, we just say, they have two moms. If someone asks the kids about their dad, they usually say the same. We find that most people assume we adopted, which we did, so we don't get questions about pregnancy. I think the weirdest comment we got was just about a week ago and it was about race. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

I find it really strange that people would ask "who carried the baby" or "how did you do that"

Families get made, just like I don't want people to know my heterosexual TTC journey unless I tell them, I'm sure you don't want me to yours.

To the OP: congrats and much happinss on your baby! Get your sleep now

[Anonymous]

Just wondering btw, what's superout vs out

[Anonymous]

Wow. I'm totally surprised that people in this area ask these kinds of questions. My cousin and her partner are in a much smaller midwestern metro area and their son is adopted (international) - no one asks them this stuff. Who asks someone how their kids were conceived??? Holy cow. Maybe midwesterners are more polite? Anyway, as an adopted person I've gotten similar kinds of rude questions my whole life (do you know who your "real" mom is?) and I'm with the "blank stare" or "why do you ask" posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering btw, what's superout vs out

Superout lesbians wear a purple cape.