How does naming work? Help me decide

[Anonymous]

I just learned after trying to change my name that SS won't let me just add my DH's name to my already long name. They are obligating me to drop a name (a few actually) and I really don't want to.

In my country the parents name the children with both, mom and dad's last name in any order they want and when the child gets married they choose which last name they want to go as last and (if) which name they'll drop.

We named DC1 "First name (American name very popular in my country and DH's) Middle name (ethnic) DH's last name(ethnic)" and now that we're trying to name DC2 I'm totally regretting what we did with DC1. I really wish we could somehow use my last name on their names.

If we were naming them back in my country it would be:

First name Second name Mom's last name Dad's last name (last names in any order the parents agree)

If we were naming them per DH's country it would be:

First name Place where family is from Dad's last name

Now, I'm trying to suggest DH to name DC2: First name (from his country) Second name (from my country) My last name DH's last name but he insists in following the pattern we used for DC1.

I'm really upset to see my family's last name die DH has 2 brothers who'll keep going with the family's last name and on my side it's just me since my brother is not having kids.

Please weigh in... what do you think?

[Anonymous]

I think I'm getting lost in all the different ways of doing it. I think you will do your child(ren) a huge favor if you give them a "Soc. Sec. name" that involves three words/names (i.e. first, middle, last). You in your own family traditions can call the kid whatever you want, but keep their LEGAL name consistent with the norm in this country (which is first middle last).

[Anonymous]

OP here. I failed to mention that even though they're American we don't intend to live here after our job assignments are over. They both will have 3 different passports and 3 different equivalents to a Social Security Card.

DC1 was named first middle last but I'm not happy with it.

And if they're not happy with our choice they're always free to change it. In my country they can do it at any time, mostly people wait until marriage because it's free and it doesn't involve a court appearance. At DH's country any time you have your passport renewed they give you the chance to change it too.

Now, my name will stay the way it is because there's NO WAY I'll give up any names just so my name can fit on these forms (LOL) and DH's family will have to suck it up.

[Anonymous]

They need to have the same last name.

[Anonymous]

Why not skip the middle name and do first name, your last name,
DH's last name. If you're stuck on a middle name just use it, regardless of what it says on the social security card. What's the difference what the "legal" name is? I know plenty of people who go by a name that is quite different from their social security card and they do just fine.

[Anonymous]

If DC1 has DH's last name, DC2 should as well. If you want your family name in there, use it as DC2's middle name.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

We were trying to do First name MY last name DH's last name but then DC2 won't have a name to use in my or DH's country. My last name is very last name sounding so it will be impossible to use that as a first name. The last name will definitely be DH's, exactly like DC1.

It's been impossible to find a name that would work in both languages so our hope was to have DC2 with 2 names (first and middle) so we could use one name in each country.

DC1's first name works everywhere that's why we were comfortable going ethnic with the middle name... DC2 is another sex so it's been impossible to find one name that will work everywhere...

I told DH it won't matter on the papers since most places in the US you only fill out first and last name with a middle initial so it's not really a big deal how it looks on the birth certificate but he's been so stubborn.

I let him lead the way naming DC1 and now I just thought he would be accommodating to my preferences but he's stuck with this idea.

*sigh*

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you are having problems with the Social Security office. My daughter has first name, first middle, second middle, long hyphenated last name and we had no problems with social security.

In your situation, I think I would do

husband ethnicity first name, your ethnicity middle, your last name as second middle, husband's last name. That pattern would allow you to use your name, while giving your children the same last name. Otherwise I would try to convince DH to change all the last names in the family to a hyphenated his last name-your last name, but personally that sounds like way too much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are having problems with the Social Security office. My daughter has first name, first middle, second middle, long hyphenated last name and we had no problems with social security.

In your situation, I think I would do

husband ethnicity first name, your ethnicity middle, your last name as second middle, husband's last name. That pattern would allow you to use your name, while giving your children the same last name. Otherwise I would try to convince DH to change all the last names in the family to a hyphenated his last name-your last name, but personally that sounds like way too much work.

This is EXACTLY what I wanted to do... but DH's is saying DC2 will have a hard time. I told him DC2 won't since it's exactly like how my name is and I just use my first name, middle initial and last and never had a problem.

I'll try to dig a bit more to understand why he has an issue with this format.

On my name I have a total of 38 characters (4 names) and if I add DH's name I get to 53.. I don't know why they're giving me a hard time. Anyway, that's another post all together... For now I guess I'll have to find out why DH's is so stubborn against my idea...

[Anonymous]

We couldn't fit ds's name an everything he has three middle names but only two are documented. We also combined the two middle names into one. So instead of being Steven Dae Wong Gunn Cho he is Steven DaeWong Cho and all family knows his generational name. We lived in another country at the time so we needed to follow their rules for documenting names.

[Anonymous]

This situation is what makes it VERY hard for the terrorist screening center to determine if you (as a traveller in or out of the US) are a terrorist or a threat. When you have all sorts of variations on the name you use, each one of those could possibly line up with the name of a known terrorist... and you get to have a long conversation with the Customs officials everytime you enter or leave the country. I used to be a terrorist targetter.... please do your children the favor of having/using ONE legal name (and one birthday --- many people from the middle east have multiple birthdays believe it or not... and multiple places of birth too!).

[Anonymous]

what about the first name (legal) being a hyphenated name that is name in your ethnicity-name in his ethnicity, like "Ana-Maria" or "Layla-Sophia"?

[Anonymous]

Goodness Gracious. Wit that many names, you will never have it easy buying an airline ticket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what about the first name (legal) being a hyphenated name that is name in your ethnicity-name in his ethnicity, like "Ana-Maria" or "Layla-Sophia"?

That's a very very good idea! Thank you!

I'll suggest that to DH too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Goodness Gracious. Wit that many names, you will never have it easy buying an airline ticket.

OP here and I never EVER had a problem with it. I always use my first and very last name only.