3 kids long drive by myself for thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

My extended family has a big thanksgiving celebration in New England. Last year we drove up with our twin 3 year olds and 1 year old singleton. On the drive back we hit traffic like we always do, and DH was complaining about the long drive and said "promise me we don't have to do this next year", and in the moment, I did. Fast forward to this year, because of that promise we weren't planning on going, but it makes me sad because I have several elderly relatives that I don't think will make it to next thanksgiving, but I promised DH. Last night we were talking, and he made a passing almost joking comment that I could take the kids by myself if I wanted to, which prompted a discussion that he really doesn't want to do the drive, but he doesn't mind if we are gone that weekend because he doesn't really care about thanksgiving anyway. So I'm considering driving 9-10 hours each way with a 2 year old and two 4 year olds. I would have help from grandparents once I arrived.

1) Is it a bad thing to be intentionally apart from your husband on a holiday? I can probably guilt/force him to go, but he won't be happy about it.
2) Am I a lunatic for even considering this drive without another adult? or should I just skip it and stay home this year?

[Anonymous]

get itouches for the kids

[Anonymous]

Ugh, I am getting seriously anxious just THINKING about what you are thinking about doing! OP, I totally get why you'd consider it. Totally understand. But, I wouldn't do it. Ever. It took us 14 hours a few years ago to get back from upstate NY one Thanksgiving, heading down the PA turnpike, etc., We were caught for 4 hours -- 4 hours to go less than 4 mi -- just outside Breezewood. We had a 1 year old in the car and I was 7 months pregnant. It was sleeting rain outside so couldn't get out even though we were stuck in a complete standstill. I can still hear the shrieks, and feel my blood pressure at that level, if I think back on it. Never, ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I am getting seriously anxious just THINKING about what you are thinking about doing! OP, I totally get why you'd consider it. Totally understand. But, I wouldn't do it. Ever. It took us 14 hours a few years ago to get back from upstate NY one Thanksgiving, heading down the PA turnpike, etc., We were caught for 4 hours -- 4 hours to go less than 4 mi -- just outside Breezewood. We had a 1 year old in the car and I was 7 months pregnant. It was sleeting rain outside so couldn't get out even though we were stuck in a complete standstill. I can still hear the shrieks, and feel my blood pressure at that level, if I think back on it. Never, ever again.

p.s. PP again, and this was w/ DH driving. To do that again w/ DH, let alone w/o him -- never.

[Anonymous]

If it were me, I would go to Thanksgiving to see my family. We go to see my IL's alot so I would also be annoyed that my DH wasn't willing to reciprocate with an event centered on my family. I would have a hard time not resenting him if he made me do the trip on my own.

As to the logistics of the trip: Do you know anyone in NY or NJ that you haven't seen for a while? What about making the drive over two days and staying with friends or taking the kids to a hotel for one night. If you work, this might mean taking an extra day off of work but make the trip feel more manageable.

Is there someone who would be willing to do the drive back with you and then fly home? Maybe your mom or dad?

We go to my IL's for Thanksgiving (in NYC) and we always leave Tuesday night at about 9:00 pm and do the drive overnight to avoid the worst of the traffic. If you can get sufficient rest beforehand, would your DH be willing to help with an overnight drive?

[Anonymous]

Can you drive home sometime other than Sunday afternoon? Get lots of movies. Drive home Monday.

[Anonymous]

I would not do it. I barely manage a 6 hr trip with 2 children by myself.

That said, why do you have to do it at Thanksgiving? Why can't you go visit the extended family some other weekend. or take more vacation time to avoid the traffic?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you bring DH and fly?

Traffic sucks, and depending where in new england you're going, there is a cheap airport that southwest services (hartford, providence, manchester, logan, burlington). Yes it's pricey, but you owe it to your DH.

On another note, what about his family? Could he also make the same case? Perhaps some of his resentment is that you are skipping his family 2 years in a row.

We alternate thanksgiving/Xmas between families every year, and we don't do both holidays in the same place (last year: thanksgiving local, north for Xmas. This year: thanksgiving north, Xmas local). Yes we also have elderly relatives up north, but we have small children too and it is too stressful for everyone. What we do instead is travel north in early summer/spring (like May or June) and also in September or October. Usually to coincide with a birthday or family reunion type event. We can still see everyone on OUR schedule, and traffic isn't a hot mess (we also travel on 'off' times). However, after our last trip and the realization that our children will no longer sleep while we drive at night (our technique so far), our next trip north will be on a plane or train.

Traveling on holiday weekends (especially thanksgiving) just royally sucks. If you do it, make an overnight on the way up and plan to take your time. If you are a SAHM or have lots of leave as well as ample family help with the kids when you get to your family, then I don't think it's crazy. But to try and get up there and back for a 4-day weekend or something PLUS thanksgiving traffic, I don't think that's fair to your kids just to see a few elderly relatives who they will barely remember. Pick another time when you'll get more quality time with less hassle.

[Anonymous]

I'd get Monday off and drive then.

And there's no need to make your DH feel guilty. Just talk to him about your wishes and say you regret what you promised the year before.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
Thanks for the input, I'm appreciating reading this.

For the folks saying "why thanksgiving" is because the whole family gets together for thanksgiving. Any other time of the year and I'd have to visit 12 different places.

DH doesn't resent that we aren't going to his family. His family get together is 4th of july, and we do that every year. Prior to marrying me, he hadn't gone home for thanksgiving in over a decade.

As for flying, the problem with that is traveling with three kids, all their stuff including car seats, then the extra cost of renting a minivan once we get there. Not to mention the almost $200 per ticket for 4 or 5 people.

[Anonymous]

I'd stay home and have a nice holiday with DH and kids. You can fly up to NE alone or with the kids at some other time in the year when travel won't be so crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't work or have lots of leave, I would say to go up to see your family the weekend before and stay until the Monday or Tuesday after Thanksgiving, maybe doing the drive over two days each way.

If your DH doesn't want to come, then his concession is that you guys are gone for a few extra days. I often drive to my parents in upstate NY well ahead of a holiday and DH files up just for the day itself because he can't take as much time off of work as I can. It makes the trip easier for the rest of us than if we waited for him and tried to travel at the last minute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My extended family has a big thanksgiving celebration in New England. Last year we drove up with our twin 3 year olds and 1 year old singleton. On the drive back we hit traffic like we always do, and DH was complaining about the long drive and said "promise me we don't have to do this next year", and in the moment, I did. Fast forward to this year, because of that promise we weren't planning on going, but it makes me sad because I have several elderly relatives that I don't think will make it to next thanksgiving, but I promised DH. Last night we were talking, and he made a passing almost joking comment that I could take the kids by myself if I wanted to, which prompted a discussion that he really doesn't want to do the drive, but he doesn't mind if we are gone that weekend because he doesn't really care about thanksgiving anyway. So I'm considering driving 9-10 hours each way with a 2 year old and two 4 year olds. I would have help from grandparents once I arrived.

1) Is it a bad thing to be intentionally apart from your husband on a holiday? I can probably guilt/force him to go, but he won't be happy about it.
2) Am I a lunatic for even considering this drive without another adult? or should I just skip it and stay home this year?

Go to Barnes and Noble or Best Buy or wherever and hit the DVD section. You are looking for an entire series that will play end-to-end for a season.

[Anonymous]

So why don't you fly by yourself, or drive and leave the kids home with your DH? We make that drive regularly with our kids and its NEVER a good trip. There are weather, traffic, sick kids etc. Each year we vow we won't due it but each year the elderly family members make us realize its important to be there. Flying has never been a good option for us so its drive, each year for 17 years. If you really want to go then go by yourself or split up the family - take one kid with you. I'm glad we have made an effort to go each year since one of our relatives just died and I'm SO thankfully I saw them last year. You never know how long you have with someone so if its important find a way to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

I've taken a ton of long trips by myself with my kids, so I'd do it in a second. I would probably either drive during a significant portion of sleep time for the kids or would stay overnight somewhere along the way. I'd get movies along with some other fun new toys for the car and some junk food that I never let them have otherwise. Then, I'd just make it work. One thing that helps for us with long trips is a cooler with milk and other foods.