Reporting a Provider But Preserving the Relationship

[Anonymous]

Today I visited my infant son and was dismayed to find that his three month old classmate's bottle was being propped. This is dangerous and against the daycare's written feeding policy, which says that infants are held during feeding.
To add insult to injury, this is one of the area's most expensive daycare centers.

Given that it is a major violation, I feel that I must report it to the director and the state.

My dilemma is that I feel that I have built a good working relationship with the caregivers and don't want to destroy that. Also, I don't want them to feel that I visit to spy on them. Most importantly, I don't want them to take out any animosity against me for reporting out on my DS. I am unlikely to take DS out of the center because I am very happy with it overall, and in many instances his caregivers have gone the extra mile.

How should I handle reporting this? Should I do it anonymously to the state or also write to the director of the center. My fear with anonymous reporting is that I might be taken as a disgruntled parent who is falsely reporting something. The other caregivers are likely to refute my claim because it is a serious violation.

Any advice is appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Just report it anonymously.

[Anonymous]

OP, I hear you. I struggled with the exact same things. You want to preserve the relationship... but also report things that are wrong.

I go directly to the director of my school when I have big issues. Usually the staff does not know who reported them (there are also cameras in all the rooms, so it could have been seen through the cameras). The one time I let them know it was me, and the caregivers were very ggracious about it and said it was my right as a mother to report any issues and they completely understood. It was "weird" for a few weeks, but probably more on my part than theirs. It's normal now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just report it anonymously.

This.

[Anonymous]

For something that serious, I would speak with the teachers immediately, I would contact the director, and then I would report it. If you know the parent of that child, I would bring it up with him/her/them.

Wouldn't you want someone to take the same action if it was observed that something dangerous was being done to your child? I know that I would.

Yes there is a relationship issue, but again, with something this serious, please dont say silent.

[Anonymous]

earlier this year, we went through a similar ordeal and felt we reported the issues (clear violations of licensing regulations) respectfully to the director to address. unfortunately, instead of acting rationally and investigating and fixing the problems, she took our concerns personally and denied there were any problems and yelled at me that we were a negative force on the community for raising these "unjustified accusations." because she refused to address the problems, we felt we had no choice but to report the violations to the state. the complaint was filed anonymously, but she found out it was us since of course we had addressed it with her previously. her reaction was to basically fired us from the daycare by threatening us until we left.

the lesson here is don't expect the director to be rational and be prepared to leave if you do this. if your director is a decent, ethical and professional person she will take your concerns seriously and address them by talking to the teacher or otherwise disciplining the teacher involved. but i wouldn't count on that.

[Anonymous]

Is it just me, or am I the only person who thinks this doesn't need to be reported to the state? Say something to the director if you feel you must, because its certainly not a best practice, but I know lots of mothers who do this and as long as you are within grabbing distance if the kid starts choking, I don't think its that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

meh, its not really that dangerous as long as the provider is right there. You can call it in ... the center won't know you did it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it just me, or am I the only person who thinks this doesn't need to be reported to the state? Say something to the director if you feel you must, because its certainly not a best practice, but I know lots of mothers who do this and as long as you are within grabbing distance if the kid starts choking, I don't think its that big of a deal.

REALLY?

Well, glad to know what low standards some parents have of their daycare provider. If it were my kid this was happening to, I would want to know. Clearly the teachers are lazy, dont care OR dont know what they are doing. Whatever the reason, it is scary for the kid whose bottle is propped and for the other kids in the class.

And to the mothers who do this: to it is still unacceptable. stupid stupid risk. and so selfish - not only cause the child miss the physical touch when receiving a bottle, but can also choke. and moreover, it is awful for their digestive system. how would YOU like to receive a propped bottle of liquid to peck at?

disgusting practice!!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would just speak to the provider gently about the issue and why that's dangerous practice. If she's a caring person, you'll understand what you're talking about. We've had very good experience dealing with situations directly with the providers. For something like this, I don't think it's necessary to call licensing or speak with the director who might fire a good providers because she thinks that's the best thing to do.

[Anonymous]

You know, if they are propping bottles for other babies, they are propping bottles for your baby when you aren't there. And, yes, definitely report it.

[Anonymous]

I would just bring it to the attention of the director. I wouldn't report them to the state (at least not yet).

[Anonymous]

Is your goal to stop the practice or to punish the daycare?

I would think your goal is to stop the practice so I think discussing the issue with the director and/or staff would be much more effective.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I wanted to update you all on what happened. I told the director what I saw, and she was very receptive. She asked me to describe how the bottle had been propped and told me that that was unacceptable because they do not prop bottles in that center. She discussed the issue with her staff and then called me back to update me. She told me that the baby's parents feed her that way and had requested the staff to do so as well.

All's well that ends well, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to update you all on what happened. I told the director what I saw, and she was very receptive. She asked me to describe how the bottle had been propped and told me that that was unacceptable because they do not prop bottles in that center. She discussed the issue with her staff and then called me back to update me. She told me that the baby's parents feed her that way and had requested the staff to do so as well.
All's well that ends well, I guess.

I do not understand.

Is a dangerous practice that is a violation in every state in the area then allowed because a parent "requests" it? If I slap my kid at home when he acts out, does that mean I can ask his teacher to slap him at daycare?

I would be very concerned with this director's response, and the teacher should have known better. It sounds like someone is trying to cover themselves here......