How much do you spend on extended family for Christmas?
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Anonymous
| Not talking about your kids, just sisters, brothers, parents, in laws, etc. In my family we just have a drawing for the adults, and everyone buys one gift in the $50.00 range. My DH's family is crazy. We are expected to buy individual gifts for everyone. I have a hard time exchanging gifts with adults, just not my thing. My SIL gave us a $400.00 last year, and we gave her a very nice crystal vase. It did not cost $400.00. My In laws gave us $500.00 in gift cards, and presents. That does not include the kids' stuff. Well, I can't justify this type of giving. Even though we could afford it, I just can't do it. I donate money to charities and I volunteer. Would it be inappropriate to ask my In-laws to curb the spending? We never cashed SIL's check from last year, and she never asked about it. (I don't think she pays much attention to her checkbook,lol) My MIL just loves the way a overloaded Christmas tree looks, and she is set in her ways. |
Anonymous
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Suggest drawing names and curbing it that way. But honestly you might have a hard time stopping this tradition.
But if your SIL is giving checks to you that is crazy! It is one thing if it is a gift, but the check would make me uncomfortable. How is that even going under the tree? |
Anonymous
| $0 and it's mutual. We send cards. We are fortunate to have to travel often on Xmas. On the off chance I will see a family member, it's often an older aunt or my SIL's mother or someone like that. In that case I'll get them a small gift like some fancy tea or a luxury hand cream, something token like that. |
Anonymous
| 13:48 here... I mean NOT to have to travel. I didn't read the post correctly... of course I get my brother and sister something... max about $40. And their kids. But no to cousins. |
Anonymous
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My family gives individual gifts to the adults, and I like it. But we don't give extravegant gifts, roughly $20 a piece.
My advice is to curb what you spend. Still give them gifts, but not as expensive, and just be a gracious gift receiver if they give you more elaborate gifts. |
Anonymous
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My inlaws are excessive but they have a small family so there is nothing we can do about it without stepping on tradition and hurting feelings.
I have a sister who LOVES to go way overboard, to the point that is uncomfortable for everyone else. It also makes some siblings uncomfortable that aunty is bringing more than Santa. (And we have a big family, 10 cousins and counting) After agreement by all but the excessive sister, the adults now exchange families and do a baked good. The kids draw names and do an ornament exchange. Surprisingly, the kids really look forward to and enjoy the ornament exchange (ages 2-13). To make up the the skimpiness under the tree we go big on bows and wrapping. New babies are exempt from the drawings for their first Christmas as everyone wants to buy something for them. |
Anonymous
| About $300 on our 6 nieces and nephews. The adults don't exchange gifts anymore, which I LOVE because it makes the holiday less harried. I haven't missed it at all. |
Anonymous
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I have a small family so we do presents for adults, but much bigger presents for sibling's kids than for siblings. My parent's still buy us random and inexpensive things to go under the tree because I think they like that we have things to unwrap. The activity of unwrapping is important to them.
My DH's family is Jewish but Hannukah has taken on a present-giving life of its own and I can't figure out if this is normal for Jewish families so I just go along with it. He has four siblings and his parent's check in to make sure that we have bought and sent gifts to all of them, often giving us suggestions for the siblings and for the other parent. Siblings will also call each other and give suggestions for what to buy other siblings or want to go in together on group gifts. This always bothers me because I feel like part of gift-giving is picking out something that you think is special for each person. Making sugesstions also determines the price point that is considered appropriate. We also used to not send presents in the mail, but wait until we saw them (sometimes not until January or February since they live out of town) but DH's parents kept "checking in" to ask us if we had given siblings gifts yet. Now I send them in the mail, but I feel badgered about it. It may just be me who can't get used to the way their family does things because in my family we don't send presents but we wait to exchange gifts in person even if its after the holiday itself. |
Anonymous
| Our family is very small but I probably spend around $150/each on gifts for my parents. DH usually spends a bit less for his mom and dad (but they also spend less on us). Neither of our siblings are married and I'd say they each get gifts in the $75 range. No one in the immediate family has children other than us. |
Anonymous
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We mutually agreed to skip the gifts a few years ago. It was becoming so stressful to try and think of something creative. No one needs ANYthing. And I'm pretty sure gift cards were routinely being regifted.
Any way you could give everyone a "group" gift? Tickets to a holiday concert that everyone can attend? Or something crazy like shipping down live lobsters for Christmas eve? Or pay for a photographer to come in and take a full family portrait? |
Anonymous
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In our family we agreed a few years back that we would only buy gift for the kids/students. I think that we spend about $200 in total (including for our 2 kids). My DH does give his mom a check each year. The check is for a few thousand, but it usaully ends back in our pockets bc she like to write lavish checks for the kids birthdays - its laughable.
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Anonymous
| We do gifts for adults. There is variation in how much is spent, but generally not more than $30-$50. One brother and SIL sometimes give each family baked goods, stuff they canned, etc. Sometimes siblings go in together to buy another sibling or a parent a larger gift. There are only two of the youngest generation (ages 0 & 2) so far. I enjoy finding gifts for everyone (mostly), and no one seems to mind variation in amount spent from person to person (re the giver) and year to year. I say keep giving gifts you can afford/feel comfortably giving, and consider it their problem if they overspend. |
Anonymous
| Zero. Emotional support is priceless. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Yikes! Can you says stupid? |