Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party

[Anonymous]

I am a person who likes to be early to everything, but never a dinner party. When I plan a dinner party, I plan time before the meal is served to chat with friends over wine, like a cocktail hour. That time is built into the invitation time. Showing up early to me distracts me from getting things done that might need to be done last minute. I have always thought this way, and my feeling has been confirmed because in my house, my husband is never ready when people are scheduled to arrive, so I am usually doing his bit and mine at the same time. And often entertaining his timely friends.

Don't arrive early. Arrive on time or a few minutes after. I have been known to put early people to work.

[Anonymous]

I entertain all the time - small groups, big parties, themed events or casual get-togethers, etc...

Here is what I'm doing in the last 15 minutes before people are invited/scheduled to arrive:

- dressing the kids in something presentable
- dressing myself in something presentable, applying makeup, combing my hair
- popping an hors d'ouevres in the oven or taking one out
- pulling cold items out of the fridge to put out
- putting ice in a bucket to be used for drinks
- putting away the last of the dishes from all the prep, wiping down the counter etc...
- doing a final "perimeter check" to make sure things are as presentable as possible
- turning on the lights, shoving aside coats in the closet to make room, etc...
- if I'm lucky, taking 60 seconds to breathe.

Please don't show up early. If you do you had better be one of the folks we consider extended family and you'd better be prepared to be put to work. But I'd vastly prefer you come at the invited time so I can feel ready, and so that I can feel like you're being greeted and received warmly - instead of in the last minute prep time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I entertain all the time - small groups, big parties, themed events or casual get-togethers, etc...

Here is what I'm doing in the last 15 minutes before people are invited/scheduled to arrive:

- dressing the kids in something presentable
- dressing myself in something presentable, applying makeup, combing my hair
- popping an hors d'ouevres in the oven or taking one out
- pulling cold items out of the fridge to put out
- putting ice in a bucket to be used for drinks
- putting away the last of the dishes from all the prep, wiping down the counter etc...
- doing a final "perimeter check" to make sure things are as presentable as possible
- turning on the lights, shoving aside coats in the closet to make room, etc...
- if I'm lucky, taking 60 seconds to breathe.

Please don't show up early. If you do you had better be one of the folks we consider extended family and you'd better be prepared to be put to work. But I'd vastly prefer you come at the invited time so I can feel ready, and so that I can feel like you're being greeted and received warmly - instead of in the last minute prep time.

This looks almost exactly like my list. I also may be prodding my kid to clean the mess that they made while I was in the shower. I always get dressed as one of my last steps because cooking can be messy, especially if I end up baking.

[Anonymous]

I posted earlier about ten minutes early "used to be" the norm. It occurred to me though, that this advice came from people who:

-Either didn't work outside the house, or not full time.
-Kept their house pretty much company ready at all times.
-Had friends in the same situation, and it was pretty much expected that those friends would be the early ones.
- One did these things because the older ladies at her church told her she should. Along with always being ready for one of them to stop by anytime after 8 AM except on Sundays. So her house, kids, etc. were expected to be "ready." This wasn't all that long ago.. in the last 10 years.


Things have changed.. and so has what is acceptable.

For me.. it's just a "thing" I have that everything has to be done and I have to be ready early just in case. However, I will keep in mind that not everyone is like me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

So it's all about you and your schedule, and how you appear? What a mess!

The host would rather I show up 30 minutes late, and yet be among the first to leave?

Most hosts wouldn't care when you left. Just don't show up early.

If they don't care that they actually get to spend time with me, why are they inviting me at all?

Are you socially awkward or just trying to be difficult?

Neither. Just interested in the true purpose of the dinner party.

That answers my question. Socially awkward it it.

+1. Obviously this is a person who shows up early and doesn't understand why she isn't welcomed with open arms. If your host wanted you to arrive at 10 til 8 - not 8 - she'd ask you to come at 10 til 8. This is so glaringly, SMH obvious that my mind is boggled by this thread. NO ONE WANTS EARLY GUESTS!

BUT I DON'T WANT LATE GUESTS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I'm in the minority, but I always come on time on the dot. I'm still too early! Then again, I leave early too. I'm a morning person - I'm on time because if you call the party for 7, I'm done by 10, so I need to go right on time so it doesn't appear that I don't want to stay for the full evening.

When I entertain, I don't care if people come late, but please don't compound it by staying late.

So it's all about you and your schedule, and how you appear? What a mess!

The host would rather I show up 30 minutes late, and yet be among the first to leave?

Most hosts wouldn't care when you left. Just don't show up early.

If they don't care that they actually get to spend time with me, why are they inviting me at all?

Are you socially awkward or just trying to be difficult?

Neither. Just interested in the true purpose of the dinner party.

Well, what's your purpose in attending? If it's to spend time with the host, then it seems odd that you would leave early. Then again, if you're just there for the food....

I am there for the hosts, but my babysitter can only stay for 3 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who likes to be early to everything, but never a dinner party. When I plan a dinner party, I plan time before the meal is served to chat with friends over wine, like a cocktail hour. That time is built into the invitation time. Showing up early to me distracts me from getting things done that might need to be done last minute. I have always thought this way, and my feeling has been confirmed because in my house, my husband is never ready when people are scheduled to arrive, so I am usually doing his bit and mine at the same time. And often entertaining his timely friends.

Don't arrive early. Arrive on time or a few minutes after. I have been known to put early people to work.

My basic problem is that I disapprove of people doing things last minute. Sorry, that's my problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier about ten minutes early "used to be" the norm. It occurred to me though, that this advice came from people who:

-Either didn't work outside the house, or not full time.
-Kept their house pretty much company ready at all times.
-Had friends in the same situation, and it was pretty much expected that those friends would be the early ones.
- One did these things because the older ladies at her church told her she should. Along with always being ready for one of them to stop by anytime after 8 AM except on Sundays. So her house, kids, etc. were expected to be "ready." This wasn't all that long ago.. in the last 10 years.


Things have changed.. and so has what is acceptable.

For me.. it's just a "thing" I have that everything has to be done and I have to be ready early just in case. However, I will keep in mind that not everyone is like me.

I work full time outside the home and have kids. My house is company ready at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who likes to be early to everything, but never a dinner party. When I plan a dinner party, I plan time before the meal is served to chat with friends over wine, like a cocktail hour. That time is built into the invitation time. Showing up early to me distracts me from getting things done that might need to be done last minute. I have always thought this way, and my feeling has been confirmed because in my house, my husband is never ready when people are scheduled to arrive, so I am usually doing his bit and mine at the same time. And often entertaining his timely friends.

Don't arrive early. Arrive on time or a few minutes after. I have been known to put early people to work.

My basic problem is that I disapprove of people doing things last minute. Sorry, that's my problem.

Well, I'm not going to put out our appetizers any earlier than the very last minute...the cheese will get sweaty or the dog might possibly eat all the apps off the coffee table if they're just sitting out. Plus that nice hot crab dip will get cold and gluey when I put it out in advance. And I'm leaving the wine in the fridge until the last possible second, I like it cold.

Maybe you should just stay home. You can invite US over next time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who likes to be early to everything, but never a dinner party. When I plan a dinner party, I plan time before the meal is served to chat with friends over wine, like a cocktail hour. That time is built into the invitation time. Showing up early to me distracts me from getting things done that might need to be done last minute. I have always thought this way, and my feeling has been confirmed because in my house, my husband is never ready when people are scheduled to arrive, so I am usually doing his bit and mine at the same time. And often entertaining his timely friends.

Don't arrive early. Arrive on time or a few minutes after. I have been known to put early people to work.

My basic problem is that I disapprove of people doing things last minute. Sorry, that's my problem.

Well, I'm not going to put out our appetizers any earlier than the very last minute...the cheese will get sweaty or the dog might possibly eat all the apps off the coffee table if they're just sitting out. Plus that nice hot crab dip will get cold and gluey when I put it out in advance. And I'm leaving the wine in the fridge until the last possible second, I like it cold.

Maybe you should just stay home. You can invite US over next time!

How late will you be arriving?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who likes to be early to everything, but never a dinner party. When I plan a dinner party, I plan time before the meal is served to chat with friends over wine, like a cocktail hour. That time is built into the invitation time. Showing up early to me distracts me from getting things done that might need to be done last minute. I have always thought this way, and my feeling has been confirmed because in my house, my husband is never ready when people are scheduled to arrive, so I am usually doing his bit and mine at the same time. And often entertaining his timely friends.

Don't arrive early. Arrive on time or a few minutes after. I have been known to put early people to work.

My basic problem is that I disapprove of people doing things last minute. Sorry, that's my problem.

You sound like a blast to be around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a person who likes to be early to everything, but never a dinner party. When I plan a dinner party, I plan time before the meal is served to chat with friends over wine, like a cocktail hour. That time is built into the invitation time. Showing up early to me distracts me from getting things done that might need to be done last minute. I have always thought this way, and my feeling has been confirmed because in my house, my husband is never ready when people are scheduled to arrive, so I am usually doing his bit and mine at the same time. And often entertaining his timely friends.

Don't arrive early. Arrive on time or a few minutes after. I have been known to put early people to work.

My basic problem is that I disapprove of people doing things last minute. Sorry, that's my problem.

Well, I'm not going to put out our appetizers any earlier than the very last minute...the cheese will get sweaty or the dog might possibly eat all the apps off the coffee table if they're just sitting out. Plus that nice hot crab dip will get cold and gluey when I put it out in advance. And I'm leaving the wine in the fridge until the last possible second, I like it cold.

Maybe you should just stay home. You can invite US over next time!

How late will you be arriving?

About 10 minutes.

[Anonymous]

If a host got peeved over me arriving 10 minutes before or after invite time I simply wouldn't consider them much of a friend and would wonder why they even bothered inviting me. Do you people also get upset when friends come over unannounced? For me, friends just showing up is great. Sure on occasion you may have something else going on but you just invite them along or tell them what's up.

[Anonymous]

No wonder there are lots of "why don't I have any close friends" threads. It's because you're rude! Rude in this instance is coming to a dinner party early and then claiming that any host who is bothered by it is unorganized and uptight. You don't get it and I'm sure this is but one example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No wonder there are lots of "why don't I have any close friends" threads. It's because you're rude! Rude in this instance is coming to a dinner party early and then claiming that any host who is bothered by it is unorganized and uptight. You don't get it and I'm sure this is but one example.

"Why don't I have any close friends" could also be stemming from the hosts who are SO irritated that their supposed friends are 10 min early. Granted I don't show up early for all the reasons stated here, but if a good friend of mine (presumably a good friend bc I don't invite random acquaintances home) showed up 10 min early -- sure maybe I'd have to run around a bit, but it would be forgotten instantly. I wouldn't hold such a grudge for such a minor inconvenience . . . .