Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You give up your independence, the pursuit of any substantial interests and hobbies, your (serious) professional ambitions, your money, your free time, your entire day to day life, even your bodily integrity. You get . . . more love. It's a trade-off - I'm not being facetious. Which side of the ledger you choose is up to you. There is no universal right answer.

I disagree that you have to give up your day to day life, ambitions, hobbies, etc.

It's difficult to balance these things with an infant but after that, having no life is a choice, not a requirement.

Kids are people. They are capable of participating in interesting things right along with you.

Parents are also people. We need to take time to explore who we are, to exercise, to consider art and ideas, to have adult relationships.

It's possible. You just can't give in to the BS idea that kids are only happy at activities specifically designed for kids and that parents aren't allowed to do anything not specifically designed to please their kids.

[Anonymous]

You give up your independence, the pursuit of any substantial interests and hobbies, your (serious) professional ambitions, your money, your free time, your entire day to day life, even your bodily integrity. You get . . . more love. It's a trade-off - I'm not being facetious. Which side of the ledger you choose is up to you. There is no universal right answer.

I disagree that you have to give up your day to day life, ambitions, hobbies, etc.

It's difficult to balance these things with an infant but after that, having no life is a choice, not a requirement.

Kids are people. They are capable of participating in interesting things right along with you.

Parents are also people. We need to take time to explore who we are, to exercise, to consider art and ideas, to have adult relationships.

It's possible. You just can't give in to the BS idea that kids are only happy at activities specifically designed for kids and that parents aren't allowed to do anything not specifically designed to please their kids.

Look, even if you do the bare minimum of parenting, you will have *hours and hours* less time to yourself a week. Sure, perhaps you can continue hobby X, but something's got to give.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it sucks. Life as you know it is over. Unless you have a ton of cash you're broke and lucky if you ever see a decent vacation again. I have no idea why anyone would do this. This was important to my wife so we had a child. It blows. If you have even the slightest doubt about whether you actually want a child, do not have one. I don't care if that means the end of your relationship or marriage. Doing this will screw all of that up anyway.

This is exactly right. Unless you are both fully on board, having kids will destry your relationship. And even if you are both fully on board, having kids may still destroy your relationship. Be prepared for years without sex, let alone decent vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an old thread? Haven't we discussed it to death enough?

Op here! Nope, actually this is amazingly well timed! I did not resurrect this thread but my partner just told me he has changed his kind and wants kids. Not sure if I do or not.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it sucks. Life as you know it is over. Unless you have a ton of cash you're broke and lucky if you ever see a decent vacation again. I have no idea why anyone would do this. This was important to my wife so we had a child. It blows. If you have even the slightest doubt about whether you actually want a child, do not have one. I don't care if that means the end of your relationship or marriage. Doing this will screw all of that up anyway.

Another dad here. You gonna be okay dude?

Lol

[Anonymous]

I have a 2 month old who was very much wanted and I have to say this is the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. I cannot imagine doing this with any amount of uncertainty. Granted I'm still in the thick of it as far as newborn-ness goes but so far it has been hard. Really really hard. It's why im on dcum with a baby on my shoulder at 1:30am rather than in my bed which looks like a fat juicy porkchop to a starved dog right about now. But sadly I know I will be in this stupid rocking chair at least 3 more times tonight. Probably 4. Anyway don't have kids if you aren't sure.

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with you people? Kids are awesome; amazing that we can produce a totally one of a kind little human!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with you people? Kids are awesome; amazing that we can produce a totally one of a kind little human!

There is nothing wrong with them. Popping a kid out isnt a huge accomplishment.
Raising them into decent human beings while remaining a whole and complete person is an accomplishment. You don't seem very bright.

[Anonymous]

Here's how I think of it- nothing in life that is worth something is ever easy- and raising kids is one of the hardest, thankless jobs in the world. But the degree of hardship is completely commensurate to the level of worth, at least to me. It is the ultimate life-changing, soul-feeding experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You give up your independence, the pursuit of any substantial interests and hobbies, your (serious) professional ambitions, your money, your free time, your entire day to day life, even your bodily integrity. You get . . . more love. It's a trade-off - I'm not being facetious. Which side of the ledger you choose is up to you. There is no universal right answer.

I disagree that you have to give up your day to day life, ambitions, hobbies, etc.

It's difficult to balance these things with an infant but after that, having no life is a choice, not a requirement.

Kids are people. They are capable of participating in interesting things right along with you.

Parents are also people. We need to take time to explore who we are, to exercise, to consider art and ideas, to have adult relationships.

It's possible. You just can't give in to the BS idea that kids are only happy at activities specifically designed for kids and that parents aren't allowed to do anything not specifically designed to please their kids.

Spoken like a part who has had easy children with no significant special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is wrong with you people? Kids are awesome; amazing that we can produce a totally one of a kind little human!

Some kids are easier than others. How old are your children and do any have any special needs?

[Anonymous]

To the OP. The paradox is that while you really need to be ready to have children; you are never really ready for them. They are a lot of work, yes, but the joys are enormous. That said, children are not for everyone. I couldn't, however, imagine my left without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You give up your independence, the pursuit of any substantial interests and hobbies, your (serious) professional ambitions, your money, your free time, your entire day to day life, even your bodily integrity. You get . . . more love. It's a trade-off - I'm not being facetious. Which side of the ledger you choose is up to you. There is no universal right answer.

I disagree that you have to give up your day to day life, ambitions, hobbies, etc.

It's difficult to balance these things with an infant but after that, having no life is a choice, not a requirement.

Kids are people. They are capable of participating in interesting things right along with you.

Parents are also people. We need to take time to explore who we are, to exercise, to consider art and ideas, to have adult relationships.

It's possible. You just can't give in to the BS idea that kids are only happy at activities specifically designed for kids and that parents aren't allowed to do anything not specifically designed to please their kids.

Look, even if you do the bare minimum of parenting, you will have *hours and hours* less time to yourself a week. Sure, perhaps you can continue hobby X, but something's got to give.

Your kids are still very young, right? The trade-off and balance does start to shift as they get older. You get a lot of those things back, in large quantities, well before they leave the house at 18. That period where you really have to be all giving of yourself is a short season in a whole lifetime.

[Anonymous]

I'm a FTM of a 4 month old singleton. Was totally on the fence if I ever wanted kids, and surprise! Now I'm a mom. It had to be a surprise...not sure if I would've ever pulled the trigger and made a conscious decision.

I think I was expecting the worst, so maybe I'm not a great person to ask (plus I'm at the very beginning of the journey)...but I have no idea why people would complain so much about this, as our lives have hardly changed at all. We still eat out serveral times per week, meet friends out for happy hour, and travel around (and we have no local family support). Now I wake up and have a smiling poop machine looking at me. It's pretty fascinating. You just can't be the kind of person who lets resentment creep into your mind. My life is already richer for the accepting this challenge.

[Anonymous]

I had an easy baby who is now a relatively easy 2 year old. Slept long chunks very early on, rarely cried, just very easy going temperament. This kid has brought a lot of joy into our lives and our families' lives. I'm not one of those people who will say you have to be 100% sure, because we were on the fence and it's worked out well for us (so far). But, we lucked out with an easy baby. Nobody knows what they're going to get, and the reality is even an easy baby is a lot of work and a big adjustment. But I love this kid to pieces and wouldn't change a thing.