Does having kids really suck as bad as people say?

[Anonymous]

Nope, doesn't suck in my experience. Pretty awesome in fact. There are rough patches but you figure out a rthyme that works for you the fam.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, doesn't suck in my experience. Pretty awesome in fact. There are rough patches but you figure out a rthyme that works for you the fam.

Agree.

To me, yes, life with kids is more challenging, messier, more frustrating, but along with more lows it also has more highs. Sure I had fun with DH and friends but going through life with kids is different. There's just a lot more LIFE crammed into the day to day with kids than there was when it was just DH and me. Certain phases have been harder than other and I'm sure more difficult ones are on the way (they are now 10 and 11) but at the end of the day I think my life is so much richer and I've grown a lot personally from being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids, and I'm scared to because I feel like everyone i know who has kids, or writes about having kids, seems to complain constantly about it. It just seems to suck.

Is it really that bad? Or does the good outweigh the bad?

Everything bad you have ever heard is 100% true. You are sleep deprived, your time is not your own, it is expensive, it changes you from an individual to a parent, it is permanent, you can't walk away AND you are sleep deprived. However, the BAD is very quantifiable.

Now - the good is so amazing, so joyful, so soul-fulfilling, so transformative - that there is no way to quantify it or describe it. You have to experience it to know it.

Very well said! +1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a toughie.

As a mother of three grown children, I can say it is a toss up.

Sure, I gave up A LOT to have my children. I gave up my freedom, my education, my career ambitions as well as any traveling experiences, etc. I started having children at nineteen and feel like I sacrificed a lot of my youth for them. (I am not in any way, shape or form blaming THEM at all....I made the decision to have them.)

There were times when the house was a complete disaster and I felt overwhelmed by the mess, the chaos, money issues, etc.

Now that they are adults and have their own lives, I am truly glad and finally feel free (!). I work as a Nanny and seeing people my age now raising young children makes me realize how lucky I am that now I am free of all that responsibility. I am no longer tied down, I can make and spend all my monies on myself, and I have the freedom to come and go as I please, etc. I am still young enough to do all the things I missed out on earlier in life and I can come home to a clean, quiet and orderly home every day.

Bottom line.
I love my children and am glad I had them. But I am just glad I did it when I was younger.

I cannot imagine having kids later in life.

I see so many parents so tired and I am so lucky that I get to spend all of my forties (and beyond!) on my own.

I am the opposite. I did not have children until later, though not by design. In the meantime, I had many years to be selfish and do what I wanted, to pursue my education, etc. Now that I have children, I don't have resentment about anything I'm "missing". Instead, I really love being with my family. I honestly don't understand people who complain all the time about kids. It's harder financially, to be sure, but we planned for that.

[Anonymous]

It is really that bad especially if you never were drawn to kids. But the good outweighs all the crap. I used to have depression and post-child has been the best, happiest time of my life (20 month old). I laugh every single day due to my child. Little funny things she does, and just so darn cute.

[Anonymous]

I think it's entirely possible to overthink parenting and make yourself miserable, especially if you are typical overeducated, Type A, shrewish DCurbanmom. Also, being older does not help.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it sucks. Life as you know it is over. Unless you have a ton of cash you're broke and lucky if you ever see a decent vacation again. I have no idea why anyone would do this. This was important to my wife so we had a child. It blows. If you have even the slightest doubt about whether you actually want a child, do not have one. I don't care if that means the end of your relationship or marriage. Doing this will screw all of that up anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it sucks. Life as you know it is over. Unless you have a ton of cash you're broke and lucky if you ever see a decent vacation again. I have no idea why anyone would do this. This was important to my wife so we had a child. It blows. If you have even the slightest doubt about whether you actually want a child, do not have one. I don't care if that means the end of your relationship or marriage. Doing this will screw all of that up anyway.

Another dad here. You gonna be okay dude?

[Anonymous]

This is an old thread? Haven't we discussed it to death enough?

[Anonymous]

Yes it does. It sucks really bad.

[Anonymous]

It is an insane amount of work 24/7/365. However the good far far FAR outweighs the bad. DS's smile, his laugh, the way he looks at me, his delight at the world, the list goes on...

[Anonymous]

I don't think it sucks at all.

it can be hard sometimes, but I don't think there's been a single moment i've regretted it. Once you have them, it changes your mindset so completely. The thing is, many people just become different people with different priorities.

Now, if you don't become someone with different priorities, it might suck, because you're still mourning your old life or whatever. For me, i had my kids late and sowed all my wild oats and was already tired of socializing constantly when i had my kids. Now i'm really happy that our social scene is family oriented. i get a lot of value from it.

I also do think it can be harder to have kids the way we live now. we don't have grandparents right up the street with extra bedrooms for our kids to fall asleep in while we stay up late talking with the family members etc. That's how i grew up, but it's really different from how it is in my house now. So in that sense, if you don't have the right mind set or supports, it can be very isolating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have kids, and I'm scared to because I feel like everyone i know who has kids, or writes about having kids, seems to complain constantly about it. It just seems to suck.

Is it really that bad? Or does the good outweigh the bad?

Everything bad you have ever heard is 100% true. You are sleep deprived, your time is not your own, it is expensive, it changes you from an individual to a parent, it is permanent, you can't walk away AND you are sleep deprived. However, the BAD is very quantifiable.

Now - the good is so amazing, so joyful, so soul-fulfilling, so transformative - that there is no way to quantify it or describe it. You have to experience it to know it.

Very well said! +1

+1

[Anonymous]

You give up your independence, the pursuit of any substantial interests and hobbies, your (serious) professional ambitions, your money, your free time, your entire day to day life, even your bodily integrity. You get . . . more love. It's a trade-off - I'm not being facetious. Which side of the ledger you choose is up to you. There is no universal right answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really really hard. But the good absolutely, without a doubt, outweighs the bad.

+1