Why don’t U.S. hospitals let women sleep quietly for the night in the hospital after giving birth?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For me it wasn’t just the nurses, but the sheer volume of people and none of them coordinate.

-the nurses who do vitals
-the residents
-the actual docs
-the janitor/people emptying trash
-the person who would take my blood (not the same as the nurses)
-the pharmacy people
-the pediatrician
-the people in charge of the paperwork/birth certificate
-the lactation consultant
-I’m probably forgetting a few

It was so horrible. I still cannot fathom why things are set up this way.

Haven’t read all the replies but here are some that you forgot:

- the hearing screening for newborn (and sometimes they need to do it twice)
- the photographer who has rights to work at the hospital … yeah I can’t understand how the hell they get away with that, coming in to disturb you to try to make some money from you in that state, you should need to opt in for that rather than opt out.
- the genetic blood test for the baby.. sometimes done by your nurse but not part of the normal nurse checkups

I agree that it is completely insane. A few of these are necessary the rest are just so the hospital can make more money from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

So we can’t be “dismissive”of your culture (which no one was being, BTW, you just read into the comments) but you can be rude towards American culture? eff off, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

Fun fact: If you’ve had a c-section and are alone, you may be unable to use a bassinet. Think about that for a moment. It’s why the baby friendly movement is especially cruel in a country where 1/3 of women delivery by c-section.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

I would rather be alone with a child for 40 days than let my family members bathe and massage me. Gives me the ick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

PP said that she cared for her sister when she had a baby, too.

[Anonymous]

article on results of baby-friendly hospital initiative:

https://parents-together.org/hospitals-following-baby-friendly-rules-may-have-worse-outcomes-for-mother-and-baby/

"It turns out that so-called “baby-friendly” hospitals may not be all that great for babies or their mothers. The Baby-Friendly hospital designation was established to improve breastfeeding rates, but a recent study in The Journal of Pediatrics shows that in the U.S., Baby-Friendly hospital policies had zero impact on whether mothers ultimately found success with breastfeeding. Babies born in Baby-Friendly hospitals also had greater incidence of newborn dehydration and jaundice."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

they wanted you to sleep with the baby in a wrap tied to you? that is absolutely insane. and I’m still worried about you getting no nutrition for 4 days. at the point you were moved out of the maternity ward why didn’t someone take the baby home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

You sound extremely defensive and most likely because you have realized that your postpartum routine relies on unpaid female labor. My guess is the men were off at this time making money and enjoying their lives while the women in your family are giving massages and bathing you.

DP. What point are you trying to make? PP is just describing one type of practice to ensure better treatment of a new mom and newborn. Do you truly think it’s more feminist for the woman to be totally abandoned as in the standard US practice?

I’d hope we could find a middle groups between abandonment and your female relatives bathing and massaging you while you don’t leave the house for 40 days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was induced due to preeclampsia and was awake 48 hours for the induction before giving birth. Was on magnesium the whole time, not allowed to eat. Gave birth, baby was fine. Nurses then said I could not eat for another 48 hours and was to be on magnesium again. If you don't know, magnesium can make you tired and just not "with it." Twenty-four hours after birth during which I slept for maybe 45 minutes at a time, I asked (full of shame) if the baby could go to the nursery. The nurses said they didn't have a nursery (baby-friendly hospital) and they could just tie the baby to me if I wanted to sleep. Spouse had to go home to get a change of clothes, so wasn't in the room. I was starving, sleep-deprived, and on medication that made me not clear-headed. But no, I had to stay with that baby.

Baby-friendly isn't mom-friendly, and I would imagine at times yields higher risks and poorer outcomes for babies.

I'm surprised there wasn't a bassinet. That sounds quite odd.

PP here. I had been moved to a non-birth-recovery room (I don't know what to call it). I was in a post-birth room with a bassinet for the first day? Then I was considered a normal medical patient and moved to a room without a bassinet.

"Tied to me" = the nursing staff came in and did some sort of intense wrapping like those wraps you use to carry your baby around in. They even brought in other people to demonstrate the wrapping on me.

That is insane. Never heard anything like this. How are you supposed to use the bathroom with a baby tied to you?

What hospital was this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! I am an immigrant. The moment I gave birth and was wheeled in the room, it was not the experience I wanted. It seems that nurses here are not trained for postpartum care and manners. Thankfully I had a private room (or maybe I had a room where there was no other person?) for the less than 1 day I was there. The care is certainly minimal in US.

I insisted that I wanted to be home and checked out with the baby the next day. I had no complications, baby was healthy and I had a normal vaginal birth. I recovered at home and followed our own traditional cultural practice of 40 days of seclusion, hot oil massages, warm herbal baths, lots of yummy food and lots of rest. I had 2 people looking after me and the baby. We were never left alone, I had company that I fully trusted (mom and sister). We had outsourced a lot of chores and we were well prepared for the 40 day seclusion. It was blissful and joyful. No other country treats new mom as badly as US. I am still surprised that people want to have kids in this place.

Our insurance covered everything so my out of pocket cost was zero.

Most people's sister and mom are not available to provide this level of care for 40 days. Sounds nice though.

Agreed. Culturally, 40 days confinement is the norm for us and that means that everyone pitches in. The entire family prepared and helped for this event. It is believed that these 40 days are crucial for maternal and baby health (mental and physical). Childbirth is considered a new birth for the mom and she and the baby are not left alone. It is a significant event for the whole family.

In my home country, I could have stayed in a traditional birthing center for at least a week or 10 days, if I wanted. Hospitals now keep you for 2-3 days because of fear of infections and C-sections might stay for 7-8 days. But, we still have this culture of home confinement and now you can get postpartum doulas if you do not have family members to help.

I doubt many American women would want to be stuck at home for 40 days just because they had a child. That seems excessive and also a huge burden on women in your family. I notice how it’s glossed over the women were expected to provide unpaid labor for 40 days. No thanks.

Wow! This is a really POS response. Don't talk of all the other American woman would want. Speak only for yourself.

I loved being home with my mom, my sister, my NB and my DH. So I was not bored and loved the company. I was recovering and I wanted to be cared for at home. Of course, since we are not like your family, it was not a burden on my family members. No, there was no thought of paying them because that is an offensive, ugly and repulsive mentality. This is not how we function.

Yes, I only wanted female members of my family to help me. They were giving me massages, helping me to nurse and helping me to bathe. I would not want my father or brother to be doing that for me. I don't know what kind of weird family you have.

There is no reason to be dismissive because of cultural differences. But, I pity your thought process and your family culture, because you neither have a family support system like I have nor you are capable of being a support to someone else. I pity you.

NP. So the women in your culture don't usually work outside the home?

Why do you think so?
Women in our culture, especially those who are in the US, are very well educated, regardless of if they are working outside the home or inside the house. Most are college educated and most work in high paying STEM jobs. They also belong to high HHI families.

Usually, people can plan and properly budget/allocate funds, time, resources to take care of these kinds of situations for several reasons - a culture of pitching in for family events and close knit families, a mindset for valuing these traditional cultural milestones, and most importantly - financial means to pay for resources. Our community happens to be among the richest communities in the US.

There is a very strong tradition of higher education in our culture for both men and women. Girls are encouraged to be good in STEM and most get high paying jobs. Our kids excel in academics, so much so that there is an achievement gap in the US between how far behind other kids are compared to the kids in our culture. We are the community that has cracked the code of how to have our girls excel in STEM. Most of our community is college educated (the percentage of women in our community who are college educated exceed the percentage of college educated White males in this country!).

So, in terms of knowledge, marketable skills, job opportunities, family support and financial emancipation, women in my culture in the US are actually doing quite well.

[Anonymous]

You just ask for the baby to be kept in the nursery the entire night and you have them give you an Ambien.

Just ask.